Letting go and moving on..

[apryllraye87]

As I'm sure some of you may have seen my SO and I have decided to seperate after 6 years of being together. I know this is for the best, and I know eventually I will be so happy I went through this, but right now my heart is breaking.

We were not right together. And I think we fought for so long to hang onto something that we both knew would never work out that we just got used to it. Don't get me wrong, I love him with all my heart. But he is not the right man for me. Right now we are civil in figuring things out. He is staying at his friends house until he finds a new place. I'm a mess. I can't eat, or sleep. Everything reminds me of him and our memories together. I've even been sleeping on the couch because I can't handle being in the bed alone. Trying to think of my future without him almost seems to much to handle.

I've been trying to keep myself busy with friends & Aiden. But everytime I see even the smallest things that remind me of our life together and I break down. Some days I feel okay for a few minutes, or even a couple hours, but I can't get the memories and thoughts out of my head. My heart is begging me to just ask him to come home and be with me, but my head knows that is only a temporary fix to the pain and it will always end up the same.

I guess I'm just looking for advisor, personal stories, ANYTHING to make me feel like I can get through this. I know people go through break-ups and divorces all the time. I just don't understand why this is so hard for me.

[sarahisis]

It's hard because it is new... it's cliche, but time does heal a little and though you'll always love him, you're heart will learn what your head already knows.

You've already proven to be a strong woman and mommy... you just have to give yourself some time to grieve and heal!

hugs!

[cissy]

I have no stories as I just avoid things or deal with them BUT if you need to chat, visit, drink, drop your kid off so you can have some time alone I am not far from you.

[nevaehsmom327]

Oh Apryll, I'm so sorry. I know it's hard...it will never be easy. I remember breaking up with DDs dad...even after he had laid his hands on me, physically abused me, emotionally, verbally, I still just didn't want to let go. I didn't want that empty feeling I had. BUT - in time that went away and the emptiness got filled up with love for DD, to just make sure she was #1 and always taken care of and loved.

You're smart in everything you've said about temporary fix and what not. Soooo right about that. Like I said, its not easy. Being a single parent is one of THEEE hardest things I ever had to do. Especially at such a young age. But, it's also rewarding. You see the strides and improvements your kid makes and know it's because of what you're doing to improve their life.

The best thing you can ask and hope for from ex-SO is that you stay cooperative and civil. Especially in front of DS. That becomes such a stress on top of everything else. If things aren't working out with him, just tell him until he's civil and what not, that he can stay out of DSs life. He doesn't need a bad influence around, he needs loving and caring people around.

Just know this. You will be ok. You have lots of support on here, and I'm sure with your friends and family. But, if you ever need to just get on someones shoulder and cry...please let me know! You know where I live, and it's not far. Your DS and my DD are close in age and could play together. Know you have people that will support you!

You're beautiful and smart my dear. I really hope this works out for the best for you. I know you have been debating it for some time now, and I must say I'm relieved to hear this is what worked out. You deserve to be HAPPY!

[laurac]

You do deserve to be happy, Apryll. I'm so sorry you're hurting. You can do this. You will do this. You're a strong woman and you knew what you needed to do. One day at a time, kid, that's all any of us can do. Sometimes, it's one hour at a time.

Hang in there. I'm thinking about you.

[jlschlangen]

I wish you best wishes. Obviously it will be hard at first b/c it is new but try to take care of yourself, your son.

[danikasmom]

I don't have a lot to add, but find someone who is a good listener and that will help!! I am helping a friend go through this right now and she just gave birth to her 3rd child and I was there to hold her. I know it's hard and it sucks, but find ways to occupy your time and it will get better. Once you get a system in place it will get better.

[dara1012]

Apryll- Sending hugs and positive vibes your way. You will get through this, you have a really good head on your shoulders, you work hard and are a wonderful mom. Keep those positives in mind when you are struggling.

I remember breaking up with my boyfriend my senior year of college. We had been together for 3 1/2 years and I was planning to move to CO to live with him after graduation. I was devastated when we broke up. I didn't eat or shower for days and listened to really depressing music. It took me quite awhile to get over that relationship and be okay knowing that I had loved him and moving on was right for both of us. I know that your relationship is different because you have lived together and been partners in parenting your son. But I wanted you to know that your feelings and physical reactions are normal at this stage. I helped my brother go through a difficult divorce and stood by him as he could barely go to work and school and drank too much for a period of time. He struggled to find peace in the divorce as she wouldn't talk about it or try to work on it and it was not a mutual decision. But when he did finally come to terms with it, he worked through the hard times and hard emotions and got to the other side.

This is the hard part, but have faith in yourself. Lean on your family, your friends. Let us know if you need anything.

[sharon]

Oh Apryll, I am so sorry.

Years ago, I was with someone for 5 years who I really thought I would spend my life with. We also, weren't right, as you say and things were always a struggle and though we loved each other it was never going to be a good relationship for either of us. It was SOOOO painful and hard, but we did break up and it was really the best thing. I spent some time not dating, which was hard, but also really good for me and important. And then I did start dating again and a while later met Tina. We've been married for 15 years now and our relationship has always felt right and worked in a way the previous one never did. I sometimes think how sad it would have been to spend my life in that relationship, and never know that things could be easier, and so much better.

You'll get there. I truly truly believe that.

[merrr]

Nothing I can say hasn't been said already... I am sorry that your heart is broken. I am sorry that you're facing a new version life on your own. I am sorry that you are surrounded by memories that right now break your heart. Please know that I'm here for you <3

When my friend was going through a nasty divorce she destroyed almost all of the photos of her family (her, her ex, and their kids) because she didn't want to have those memories in her face and around her. Take a picture and put it next to Aiden's bed of his daddy. Tuck the rest of those pictures and mementos into a box to give to him when he gets older. One day he'll be thankful to see that he came from love.

[sharon]

One more thought:

My sister got divorced after almost 30 years and 3 kids and things had been hard for a long time and it was a really rough transition. The thing that always stuck with me is that she said she had kept thinking she was too old to start over, and then instead she realized she was too young to give up on having happiness. I think that shift in thinking was so important for her. It was better for her, it was better for her kids, and she WAS too young to give up on having happiness.

Now, you are a LOT younger than she was, but it's still true. You have to know that you and your son (and your ex, actually, I would bet) deserve to move on so that you can all get to a better place.

"The only way out is through." That saying has seen me through some tough times. Also, "When you are going through hell - keep going."

[onlyoneboy]

I don't have anything to add just wanted to send a Hug!

[apryllraye87]

Thank you for all the support ladies.

I have good days and bad days. Yesterday was a good day and today is definitely a bad day. I don't look at his facebook and try not to think about it but I'll often see or hear things that hurt me a lot. I know he's sleeping around and partying because thats what he does. I keep telling myself that I shouldn't care and this pain won't last forever but right now it hurts so much I'm on the verge of tears all the time.

I know I deserve better. It's still hard to think that I'm having such a hard time with this and he's just the happiest person in the world right now. I know I'm not perfect but I did so much for him. I helped him with everything. And I loved him deeply. I really don't think I deserve any of this.

[merrr]

[healerarina]

I am so sorry you have to go through this.

My parents recently got divorced after nearly 30 years of marriage. They should have done it when I was in Jr high, but they didn't. My mom was in a wheelchair due to MS, and my dad just didn't want to 'deal' with her. I know she can be hard to deal with most of the time, but it was in her best interest that he did it. (She could actually get aid and government assistance by being divorced)

At least you are young enough and have the ability to find someone new that is better for you. Good luck, and hugs!