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Post by nevaehsmom327 on Nov 28, 2012 14:14:07 GMT -6
I'm just so frustrated today at people asking "how are you doing?" then giving a response of "oooh, i'm ok"...and then having them say "oh just ok? come ooooon" I wish I could just tell them all "I'm f*cking shitty OK, leave me alone." I wish I could crawl in a hole and just cry. I wish I could see my baby again. I just wish so many things that I cannot have and it's so hard to get through this right now. I'm soooo sooooo freaking sad. As if dealing with a little post-partum when she was born wasn't enough, then her passing and dealing with the physical pain of not having to nurse anymore...and getting my freaking period for the first time in what felt like forever...now there's this feeling of helplessness to throw on top. Ariella would have been almost 3 months old today...3 months! And now I find myself waking up in the middle of the night hearing her cry, and she's not there. We still can't sleep in our room, let alone be in it for longer than 15 minutes. I'm just so lost right now. I know God has a plan of some sort for us. What that is, I don't know...and I'm not sure I'm ready for it. I just want my baby back. Today is one of the worst days I've had since coming back to work. Tomorrow marks the 1 month anniversary of my angel leaving me...it marks the day of terror no parent should have to go through...it marks a day in our families life that we will never EVER forget...so many things that day means... I WANT to be able to look at the positive in this right now, but I'm just so sad it's hard to. I can't even express how sad I am in words. UGH! The real kicker...DSD's stupid freaking mother can't even keep her kid for 7 days because she's "sick" or can't afford diapers, or can't do SOMETHING. Every time. And I just want to shake her and say to her "give that baby all the love you have...every second of every day...give her hugs and kisses til you lay her down to sleep. don't ever just hand her over to someone because you can't afford something, or you're sick. Be a MOTHER!" Ok, that's my rant today...and no, I'm not ok. But I'm so thankful for you ladies to be able to express this all to. <3
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Post by onlyoneboy on Nov 28, 2012 14:35:04 GMT -6
HUGS!
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Post by jrose on Nov 28, 2012 14:38:17 GMT -6
Big hugs to you hun!
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Post by quirky22 on Nov 28, 2012 14:56:44 GMT -6
I think about you EVERY day. And it's OK for you to feel sad, and all the other things you're feeling, and not only is it ok, I think it's NORMAL. God does have a plan for you, and so far he's made this part of your life really shitty. I can not pretend to know how you're feeling, and what you're going through, I'm just really sorry. I wish this had never happened to you....please know we're all here, I'm really glad we are....we will listen, we will offer support, we mourn with you, and for you. We love you..... take things one day at a time, we're thinking about you all the time......
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Post by sarahisis on Nov 28, 2012 15:09:00 GMT -6
don't ever let anyone tell you how you should be feeling at any given time... you'll heal on your own will. You wouldn't be human if you weren't sad or crying or grieving.
Were here to be sad with you.. cry with you and pray with you.. for as long as you need!!!!
love you!
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Post by doeeyedgirl on Nov 28, 2012 15:19:32 GMT -6
Many many hugs for you and many sucker punches for those people!
We may not always know the right things to say, but we are always here to listen.
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Post by bunsy on Nov 28, 2012 15:24:22 GMT -6
I am so glad to hear you LET THAT OUT! Feel free to answer people honestly. If they have the balls to ask such a question, then they should have the balls to handle the answer.
It is NOT going to be ok.....ever. It will get better but it will never be the same.
Hang in there.
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Post by apryllraye87 on Nov 28, 2012 15:30:05 GMT -6
HUGE hugs to you I wish I could say it will one day be okay but like Bunsy said, it won't ever be the same. It is okay for you to be sad, and cry, and scream, or be angry, or any of the above. Losing a child is the worst thing a parent can ever go through. I pray for you daily, I'll be sending extra thoughts and prayers today!! <3
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Post by lilmermaid on Nov 28, 2012 15:52:50 GMT -6
BIG Hugs to you sweetie! I too am glad you can come here and let it all out! You know we are here to lend an ear, pray or meet up if you ever need anything. Like Bunsy said, it never will go away but eventually you will be able to cope with the pain. Love ya!!!!
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Post by dara1012 on Nov 28, 2012 16:16:34 GMT -6
Hugs! I am glad you were able to let that vent out, that is what we are here for, now, in a day, week, months and years to come. It is normal to not "be okay" and people who tell you otherwise can come talk to one of us and we'll tell them where to go.
Watching you go through this has reminded me how important every hug, kiss, cuddle and "I love you" is with DS. Not that I didn't do those things before, but he is definitely getting more and I try to be more patient with him and remember he's 4, he's very special and he'll never be this age again. Sorry DSD's mom is so horrible, DSD is so lucky to have you and DH to love her forever.
Hang in there (and when I say that I don't mean "suck it up and pretend everything is fine", I mean take a deep breath and do the best you can with where you are at emotionally). Prayers to you.
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Post by merrr on Nov 28, 2012 16:18:47 GMT -6
<3
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Post by ladyandrearose on Nov 28, 2012 17:26:41 GMT -6
Oh Amy! My heart just aches for you! I will keep saying prayers for you. Grieve the way you need to grieve. ((Hugs))
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Post by ReneeW on Nov 28, 2012 18:58:26 GMT -6
You'll miss your baby for the rest of your life--and those people are so completely idiotic it's hard to fathom. I think you can say something like, "We miss her every day," "I'm still grieving, as I'm sure you understand," etc. but really it's none of their business. I think they're trying to be polite and let you know that they care ... but then their responses are inappropriate. It's up to you and I too think that you should just do what you need to do for yourself at this time.
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Post by angel22 on Nov 28, 2012 19:33:08 GMT -6
Vent, rant, LET IT OUT! You need to for your mental health, so thank you for confiding in us. (((HUGE HUGS))) to you!!!!!
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Post by cakemakermom on Nov 28, 2012 20:31:45 GMT -6
It's ok to feel not ok. If someone asks the question, they should be prepared to get an honest answer.
Hugs to you.
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