any more kids?

[healerarina]

I know this was on MLM, but I can't remember all the responses.

When did you know you were done having kids?

After recently having our 2nd baby, I am on the fence about a 3rd. I know DH doesn't want to do it, or to do it soon. Part of me wants just one more little baby, I cannot accept being done. At the same point, with DD1 having major behavioral problems, and not being able to find out with DD2 till she is almost 4, I do not want to put myself through that struggle again if either DD2 or the 3rd have equally severe problems. On another note, we would need at least one bigger car, and our house only has 3 bedrooms so 2 kids would have to share a room.

I know that I am the only one who can decide this. Plus, when we got married, we each only wanted 2 kids, but after Dd 1, I thought maybe just one more. I just wanted to hear from mommies that are all done.

[bunsy]

I always thought I would have one more after my twins (children 2&3). The timing just never felt right. Eventually, the twins were 5 and I didn't want to start over with little ones--I enjoyed the kids not needing constant care. Also, it worked out for each of them to have their own rooms.

Eventually, I just made the decision that I didn't want to start out anew with another infant. It was just a natural progression.

[love]

I think it is very common to want another one soon after having one. I know when DS was around 3-4 months I was really really wanting another one. Now he will be 3 end of FEB and I am sooooo cool with just him. I am having major surgery in the spring so there isn't another one (if we even decide to have another in the talks) till next fall. This is my reasoning, We are blessed. We are able to have him in any activity's he enjoys and we like him to be in. He can go to a nice preschool, we can take him on trips. Selfish? Maybe but right now I really enjoy it just him. Some people call this spoiling him, I call it giving him what we can and we can so why not? The more kids we have the less things and time we can do with them. Only thing I wish if we are done is let life slow down when he was an infant, enjoyed that time more when he was little. He was walking at 8.5 months s it did fly by. Im sorry I prob did not help but sometimes you need to hear others POV. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[deannemdm]

AFter DD, we waited a while to be more financially stable and job wise too.-- It took several years and then we moved and it just sort of happened (went off pill with move and timing was just right-- knowingly took a chance and was open to it). Once DS was born and I was working and paying for his daycare-- realized that by the time I could afford another infant in daycare I would be in my early 40s so got Essure done when he was 4 months. Got let go from job when he was 9.5 months and was thinking maybe I shouldn't have done it--- but it was a good thing. I liked being pregnant and miss that I think. But 7.5 years between kids it felt like starting again and I felt too old to start yet again. (I'm 40 now)

[dara1012]

We have one and he is 3 1/2 and we are unsure about having a 2nd. DH and I always wanted 2-3 children before DS was born. He is such a wonderful child and like Love said we can afford for him to do activities and do things as a family that we couldn't do if we had more children. Every once in awhile I think I want another baby, but it usually goes away quickly. We are planning to re-evaluate this summer (when I will be 9-10 months from completing grad school) and then again after grad school is done. If by 36 we don't have #2 we'll probably do something permanent to prevent it.

It's hard to know what the future might bring.....we had no issues knowing we wanted to have children, deciding for #2 has been a conversation for at least 2 years now. Neither one of us is ready to say "yes", but we also haven't said "no", we are both saying "not right now"

[merrr]

For us it was when DD could get her own cup of water, get herself dressed, things like that. I didn't want to start over. When it really dawned on me was when friends started having babies and I had no want to take any of them home with me. Cute and cuddly and when they get fussy I can hand them back over to their parents to deal! LOL

[apryllraye87]

I go back and forth all the time. DS is 4.5 and sometimes I feel like I would love to have another baby, and then other times I don't think I ever want more! It isn't realistic for us to have another right now because we just wouldn't be able to afford it. We already pay over $600 a month for DS' preschool, our house is too small, and we are so busy that the thought of having the additional responsibility of a new baby seems overwhelming.

It used to bother me that DS won't have a sibling close in age (my brother and I are 2 years apart and very close) but my hubby and his brother are 10 years apart and still very close. So I don't feel like I'm done right now, who knows what the future will bring!

[cakemakermom]

I didn't care for being pregnant and with the second being a c-section, I don't like the risks of being pregnant again. It took me more than a year after the second one to get rid of the I want more babies feeling. Although I will never want a pregnancy again if I hit the lottery there will be several more children in the future, just not biologically mine.
So I guess the felling has not gone away, but I just don't want the overly tired baby stage again. I love the fact the kids can take care of themselves. I'm past changing diapers, staying up for feedings, and actually have days to myself with both in school. I'm starting to find myself again.

[jlschlangen]

We said we would always only have 2. We said 2 was plenty for us. Some ppl choose to have a big family and hey that is fine that is their choice.

[lilmermaid]

We thought we were done after DD2 but I kept having the feeling like I wasn't complete! I finally got up enough nerve to ask DH if it was okay and he was fine with it. We set a 2 yr deadline to get PG. DD3 was born this August. There is 4 yrs between each of my DDs and I LOVE it. I feel at peace now with my 3 DDs.

For me I knew I would never regret having another child but I would regret not trying one last time. I also knew that you can never afford to have another child! That price always goes up and you just have to find ways to make it work.

I knew I never wanted an only child for fear that they would be alone with no family to support them if DH and I were sick or had major medical issues. My Dad is an only child and both his parents died when he was in his early teens. It was tough for him growing up and not having siblings or any close family for that matter to help him.

[supermommy]

I am with Little on this...I have two and feel incomplete still. It is just a feeling I can't explain and Dh and I decided on four kids. I agree that nobody can really "afford" another child, it is just something you work into your life. If we waited until we could really afford our kids I would probably be 50 by the time I could have them, lol.

I think when you are truly done you will just feel at peace and feel complete. If you are not experiencing that feeling then you would probably regret not trying to have another. I know our SO's play a role in deciding but they have NO clue how it feels to be a woman and want more children...it is something that can plague you and at least for me the feeling can be painful and empty.

[brandi6685]

We are going back and forth too. On one hand I hate the thought of starting over ds is 4 1/2 and dd is 2. Dd is getting close to start potty training ds will be in kindergarten next fall and a baby would make things alot harder now that we are getting close to getting a schedule down. But I get baby fever all the time and the fact that ds isn't dh's makes me want to try for a boy to carry on Dhs name. DH is ok either way so he isn't any help. Maybe if he gets a good job where he isn't gone all week we would try again. But right now I think we are good

[fungirls]

I think you just know. Before kids, we said we wanted 3. Then DD2 came along, I had severe post-partum depression that launched my genetic predisposition for depression. DD2 has been much more challenging than DD1 ever was, and I knew shortly after she was born that I was done. I didn't want to do newborns any more, and like a previous poster mentioned, seeing and holding new babies did not make me want any more. I was more thankful that I didn't have to deal with constant feedings, diapers, etc. DH contined to ask me to have another baby for a long time and I kept saying no. Now that DD2 is 3.5 years old, out of diapers, done with naps, etc, he doesn't want any more either. I still like to get my baby fix, because who doesn't love to hold a baby, but I love to give them back now!

[gwensmama9206]

I agree with fungirls, I think it's something you just know.

DH and I are still unsure if we want anymore kids after DS is born. I think we're just going to leave it as, if we have another down the road cool. If not that's OK too. But if we do have another later on then I'm DONE. 4 kids is enough for me!

[ReneeW]

I would say to give yourself some time. My DH and I were undecided after our second child about whether we'd want a third. (When we got married, we agreed on having 2.3 kids -- either two or three, couldn't decide even then! Hah!) But as time has gone on, our youngest is now four, the idea of having two kids has just solidified in our hearts as feeling "right." If we have an unexpected blessing, that's OK, but I think we'll soon be taking some "permanent" measures. For us, our decision was something that happened gradually with time.