Child support and the whole deal!

[kbw2010]

So I have been a single mom now for a little over 2 months and LOVE it! I was with my DS father for 3.5 years and DS is now 18months old!!! WE have been doing child support under the table and it's not going well, I don't want to sound like a bitch so please don't take what I'm about to say in the wrong way!

His name is not on our sons birth record, I wanted to do it the day he was born but the Hospital did not give me the papers till the day I was leaving, I had it all filled out but SO still had yet to sign them, he started a new job and was not able to get work off, it's fine I was not mad he was there at the birth! Now fast forward, his name is still NOT on the record, I would bring it up ALL the time, and had the papers ready to go and all we needed was for him to sign and bring it to a Notary. I got to the point after bringing it up SOO many times that I stopped pushing for it to get done.
Now that we are no longer together I'm happy his name is Not on it. I have to ask him for my child support, and ask if he wants the baby more then 2 days a week, we live close so distance is no issue here, he rather be with friends then spend time with DS. I'm dating someone new now. And he feels like I'm "replacing" him as a father! I"M NOT!!!! but I don't want to ask weekly if he wants to see his son, so now I'm going to court, but Still DO NOT want his name on the birth records. I know that is super bad and bitchy but at the same time I should not have to push for him to see his own child EVERY week. he for sure has him Saturday's till some time on Sundays, but at the same time he is still going out and having his mom watch him. and there are weeks when DS does not go there till 4pm and he wants him picked up by 2pm the next day. and it's really bugging me. DS does how ever have his last name and going to continue to have it.

is there a way that I could still get child support with out his name on the record? I also want FULL 100% custody over our son! with his dad have set days with having him. I DO NOT in ANY way want to take DS from his Dad. but I want his dad to see that I'm serious about this and it's not a joke anymore. There is a LOT more to say about this it's just sooo annoying... I Can't take it anymore...

[gwensmama9206]

Glad to hear you're happy hun!! I don't think you're being a bitch AT ALL!!
I'm not sure but I think that if you go to court since he didn't sign anything saying he IS the father he could use that against you. Not saying he would but it's a possibility. You would need him to get a paternity test done just so there's something on record saying he is the father. I really don't think there's a way to get child support and what not without something on record saying he is the father. Sorry sweetie.
I never had to go to court for child support. I just filed and he started paying. I wasn't going to file but trusting him to actually pay me wasn't working out. IMO it's a lot easier to file than to sit around and wonder if dude is actually going to pay you this month. That's such a pain in the a$$!!
I TOTALLY feel you on the visitation issue!! DD maybe sees BD once a month, once every other month. It's pathetic! He excuse is that "he's working all the time". BS! And even if that were true it's still BS. There are tons of single moms working full time jobs and couples with full time jobs and they STILL are able to take care of their children daily. His social life is just more important. And even though he plays these games I still don't stop him from seeing her when he actually does make time for her. I refuse to let him be able to use the excuse 'your mom wouldn't let me see you'. DD will realize what kind of "father" he really is on her own. And as far as I'm concerned DH is her Daddy. BD has told her that she only has ONE dad and that she's not allowed to call DH dad and she ends up in tears when she comes home and tells me he says those things. Ugh! I just want to punch him! I can't believe how some "men" are with their children! Why would you want to miss out on being there for your child growing up?? DD is gone for a night and I'm all antsy to get her back within hours! lol He doesn't see her or even talk to her for over a month and it's nothing to him. Ooook... enough with my little rant. lol Sorry. This subject just really gets under my skin! But yeah, since you guys weren't married you DO have 100% full custody unless he takes you to court and fights you for it. And then he would have to convince a judge. But again, he would need to get a paternity test done to prove he's even the father because he never signed anything saying he is. I'm pretty sure he would atleast.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this hun! Good luck with everything!! I hope it all works out for the best for you and your DS

[bumblebee23]

Sorry I don't have any experience in this area. I don't know anything about how it works with his name not being on the certificate. I just wanted to say I hope everything goes smoothly for you with this whole situation. I know it must be super irritating that he is not stepping up as a father but you can't make him do anything....I know you want him there for his child but altimately he will be there or he won't and it is up to you to give your child the love he needs.

Good luck!

[nevaehsmom327]

These ladies are right, if you want help from the state in getting your child support, there needs to be some sort of paternity test or something showing he is the father. Otherwise, they can't enforce anything since they can't prove without a doubt that he's the responsible party.

So that's step 1. Step 2, is filing for support. Yes, it's a pain in the ass. Yes, you have to see a judge. Yes, it is the best way to go. For multiple reasons. With child support, if he doesn't pay, his license can be suspended, taken away, he can go to jail, he can have his taxes taken from him, etc. All sorts of things. Getting state supported child support is the best thing you can do if you want to make sure that he'll pay. He may not pay now, but if he doesn't pay in the long run he's REALLY going to screw himself. They have also recently changed the law that you can go after parents for child support even AFTER the child has turned 18...so if he never pays, no matter what, he will always have that money he owes, so any taxes, pay stubs, etc. they'll take it directly out of.

As far as visitation/custody and all that jazz goes. Child support and custody are two separate matters, and the courts will handle them that way. SOOO...if you take him to court for CS, that's all your going for. HE has to be the one to step up and say he wants visitation or custody time. At this point, because you are the mom, no one is on the BC, and he hasn't filed for paternity, YOU HAVE 100% CUSTODY OF YOUR CHILD! Great huh? lol Also, since you don't have paternity or any of that established at this point, you child support amount you receive will go up too, because the more time they spend with the child, the less the child support it, that and they base it off of how much he pays for insurance, and daycare, etc.

It can all be really confusing. I know...but listen...I've been through this ALL with BD...it's not fun...and is really emotional. But, with good friends, family, and MOM support, you can do it! I promise. If you have any specific questions, please feel free to PM me. I'm not a complete expert, but I have been through it multiple times and can point you to some good lawyers if you need to.

Good luck hun. I'll have you in our prayers through this.