DS does not like his dad

[kbw2010]

Hello!!!
okay, So I have an issue. Me and my sons father are not together and what not and DS goes over there on weekends normally... When I drop him off he screams and baggs for me and it's hard leaving. His dad does not think anything of it... but when we are with my new guy I have been seeing DS rather have him hold him then me... I don't mind it only because I want them to get along you know?? but I don't want my DS liking him more then he own father, but that is how it seems... I worried that my ex will find out he does not know yet that I have been bringing the baby around him. it's hard not to I still live at home and my SO is our "worker" guy him and his dad have a remolding business and that is how I met him, they are doing a ton of work at my house rt now so he is over Mon-Friday and I'm an at home mom so trying to keep DS from not really seeing my SO is hard... I'm not trying to "replace" my ex has a father AT ALL but DS just does not like his own dad.

I don't know what to so about this it has put me in real weird situation and my SO has taught DS more things then my ex has. HELP!!!! was it too soon to bring DS around? but at the same time he knew him before we starting dating we did not date till 3 weeks into them working and now have been together for almost a month

[ReneeW]

Hmm, my thoughts ... I wouldn't worry too much about when your DS cries at drop off. Your DS is probably crying because he's separating from you, not necessarily because he doesn't like his father. I remember when my kids would cry on the days when I'd go to work and my DH was home with them--two minutes after I left they'd be fine and they'd have a grand old time. But when I was leaving, it was pure meltdown mode!! So ... be reassured that your DS being upset is normal just because it's hard for little ones to separate from mommies.

It's good that you're not trying to replace your DS's father and that you're aware that he may view it that way or get jealous. But you have your own life to live, and sometimes romance finds us unexpectedly. My only word of caution would be ... the relationship is so new, you don't want your DS to get too attached to your SO when you don't know yet if it'll be a long-term relationship. But it's tricky since your SO is working AT your house!! I guess I'd try to keep it very cut-and-dry when your SO is around, treat him more like a platonic friend when you're with your DS and SO at the same time so that your DS views the SO as a friend of yours, not a romantic interest ... hopefully that would make a future possible breakup easier on him. That's tricky. You don't want your SO to feel bad, but he should "get" that you have to protect your DS and make sure he doesn't get too attached when you haven't even been dating a month... Hang in there! You'll figure it out.

[mommylinz]

I don't have much advise, but my best friend went through the same thing years ago. Her son was about 3 or 4 at the time, he enjoyed her SOs better than his father and she had a few SOs. She continued to ensure he spent time with his dad. And over the years her DS made the choice to pick her now DH over his father. It was hard on her, but she always followed the custody rules, she did everything to keep his dad in his life and now it is limited, but all her DS's choices have been just that his choices. Just do what you believe is right and know that SOs are going to be part of his life. I personally think it is better for them to know them and you too see how they react early, but it may make it harder in the long run if it doesn't work out. Best of luck.

[Samantha]

When my parents got divorced I cried and cried and hid and called my mom and begged her to come pick me up every time I went to my dads for like a year. My dad acted like I wasn't doing anything and my mom just told me to calm down and that my dad loves me. Really, my routine was messed up, I had my normal "safe place" at my house with my mom, so leaving that to be with dad was really upsetting for me even though I love my dad to pieces.

So it might not be dad so much as just having to go away. It could just be a phase too. I also agree with everything Renee said above.