bad case of "mommy guilt"....

[dara1012]

just need to get this off my chest....I am suffering from a bad case of mommy guilt. I work FT and am in graduate school so I am not home as much as I would like to be. Sometimes my job requires evening commitments so there are often days that I see DS for less than 1 hr in the morning before daycare.

Tonight I am exhausted, I just got home at 9:15p which is the earliest I have been home all week (DS goes to bed about 8p). I haven't talked to my parents in over a week (I usually talk to them 1-2 times/week), DH and I have had no time together and next week looks even worse b/c I have work commitments Sunday, Monday & Wed evenings with school on Tuesday evening. I will see DS on Thursday evening and then DH & I are gone to a volunteer conference all weekend while DS is at his grandparents.

I stopped by Target for a work errand today and was tempted to buy DS a movie (Beauty & the Beast) to make up for my being gone so much. I stopped myself because he just got more toys than any one child needs for Christmas and I also don't want to get into the habit of buying him things when I feel guilty about lack of quality time.

I am hoping to take him to the Children's Museum this weekend, but I have a lot of schoolwork to do too and don' t know that I can give up a whole morning or afternoon of studying. Plus I am so exhausted that the thought of doing anything other than sitting on the couch is tiring.

Anyone have good ideas to help convey to a preschooler that he is still important (without buying him stuff) even when life is hectic for a couple of weeks?

[danikasmom]

When I was in school and working I felt the same way. What I did at home when I needed to study I came up with homework for my son to do. He was 2 and loved that he got to do homework with mom. I had to create a lot of projects, because I was in child development classes. I would give him his own paper and supplies and tell him what he needed to do and it worked out well. He also highlighted my textbooks for me. I just let him do it to the chapters I was done with, because he saw me doing it.

I hope this helps and I know how you are feeling. I had school 3 nights a week and didn't see him much. I think thats why he had so many star wars guys!!

[apryllraye87]

I could have written this post myself! I go through this ALL the time being a FT working mommy and a college student.

Someone told me (can't remember who but it was someone on MLM) that the quality of time you spend with your DS is more important than the quantity of time you spend with him. I also struggle with wanting to buy things for DS, and also not disciplining him when I'm home, to make up for how much I am gone. What works for us is telling DS when we get to "hang-out" with just the two (or three if hubby is home) of us. So tonight I will tell him "tomorrow after school you and daddy and I get to hangout all night and we'll do something fun!". I try to take him out to at least one fun activity a weekend (swimming at the Y, going to a movie, getting hot cocoa at Caribou) and then a few activities at home (painting, reading books, making forts).

Also, even if you are busy on the weekends it helps to just involve him in what you're doing. You'd be amazed at what kids have fun doing. DS will grab a coloring book and sit next to me at the table and do his "homework" while I'm doing mine. Or he'll help me make dinner, help fold laundry, load the dishwasher, or whatever other chores we are doing.

I completely understand the exhaustion as well :/ yesterday was a lazy day and I sat on the couch from the minute I got home until I went to bed. DS grabbed some books out of his room and we read until dinner time and then watched a movie until bedtime.

Its hard to balance everything but just remember that you won't be in school forever and do what you can for now. Good luck!

[nevaehsmom327]

Well said apryll!

When I was in school DD was very young (2-3 years) but when I got home we'd go to the park, we'd read, watch a movie...etc. A gift will let him know you're thinking about him, but spending precious time really focusing on HIM will let him know you love him.

[ReneeW]

I agree with the above. It's SO hard to juggle juggle juggle everything in your life ... but in those short, precious windows of time that you carve out, if you're focused on your DS and relaying how much you love being with him, that's awesome. I love the idea of giving your DS his own "studying" and homework to do while you're studying. Remember that you're being a great role model to him -- demonstrating that you value hard work, you value knowledge and bettering yourself and your future. Those are all really important values that you're passing along!!

[bumblebee23]

I remember having a lot of mommy quilt when I was in school too! I just spent as much time with them as I could....and like Apryl said, the boys would grab a coloring book or paper and do their homework with mommy! I had to keep reminding myself that I was in school not just for myself but for them and our family. I knew it would come to an end so I had to focus on that and knew when I was done with school we would be able to spend more time together.

[dara1012]

Today was better. I got up early enough to have breakfast and some morning cuddles with DS and then I got to pick him up from daycare and once home we cuddled while watching a tv show, talked while I made dinner, played Chutes n ladders, did bath and read books before bed.

Hopefully I can be productive on schoolwork once he is asleep (crossing fingers for it to happen soon - he's in bed)

[sharon]

I struggle with this too. I hate being gone and missing spending time with him. I don't have any great words of wisdom when you are missing quality time. One thing we do, when one of us will not be home before Ian is asleep is that we tell him the first thing we do when we get home will be to come kiss him in his bed. And it is. And then the next morning when we see him we always comment that we came right in to kiss him while he was sleeping as soon as we were home. It at least conveys that he is important and that we *want* to be there.

[dara1012]

Sharon- I do that too. He'll usually say in the morning, "I missed you last night, I didn't get to hug you" and I say "as soon as I got home I kissed you goodnight".

[sharon]

Then I got nothing else for you Sorry. But I feel your pain.