Engaged at 16

[merrr]

*sigh* My 16 yo niece has announced to the world via facebook that she's engaged... At 16... As a Junior in High School... *sigh*

Okay - she's had a lot of drama in her life. Lots of history there but she's only known this guy for 3 months and he's 19 yo. RED FLAG!!!

Okay - I can relate. I thought I was going to marry my boyfriend at that age too. RED FLAG!!!

I called her mom as soon as I saw that (she lives with her dad) and my sister didn't seem too phased by it. They niece and fiance/boyfriend spent the evening with my sister and never said a word - waited until she was back at her dad's to send a text to her mom that said something along the lines of "look at my status on fb". RED FLAG!!!

Oh hell... Here we go again.

[dara1012]

Ugh....you are right, those are huge Red Flags! If you aren't mature enough to tell your mom in person that you are engaged you are not mature enough to get married IMO.

I hope that they have a very, very long engagement. I didn't get married until 26 and I even think in some ways that was young, but I can't really fathom 16.

I hope it all works out for her.

[apryllraye87]

Yikes.. definitely not good.

Even if they are truly in love and want to be together forever I don't see what the rush is.. she's only 16! I remember 16 and I definitely was not even close to mature enough to making those types of decisions.

Heck I'm 24 and still don't feel ready to get married lol

[laurac]

Oh this makes me chuckle. These kids think they know it all. I know this because I have a 16yo and she thinks she knows it, too. She also knows that if she has a bf my DH will threaten to break his thumbs, so, yeah.

[healerarina]

I was engaged at 18, married at 20. We also dated a year before we got engaged. My grandma got married at 15/16, but that wasn't unheard of back then (my grandma just turned 75), they celebrated 50+ years of marriage before my grandpa passed away.

I still think people should date for a year prior to getting engaged.

[nevaehsmom327]

HAHA LC! Break his thumbs, that's a good threat!

This does suck though. I just saw one of my good friends who's 16 announce she's preggars on fb today. ugh. what is our world coming to? On the bright side, SHE could be pregnant instead of engaged. Hopefully she'll figure out the RED FLAG before it's too late!

[megs25]

Ugh! They really aren't kidding when they say our brains (frontal lobes) are NOT fully formed until our early- mid 20's!!

Who doesn't think they've got it all figured out at that age. I personally was WAY too stupid at 16 to be getting married.

Maybe since he is 19 (boy he must think he's really lucked out!), they might actually match up in maturity??

Hopefully her parents step it up a little and can get something through her head.

[sarahisis]

do you think it could be like a "joke?"

I know lots of 15/16/17 yr olds that say they are "engaged" or "married" to their significant other, or best friends or whatever... then in a couple of months they change it, but noone ever believes that's it's true. I've seen a trend w/ that, at least in the kids that I know.

[irish]

I agree with Sarah, it might just be a "joke", I've seen kids do that on FB too. More to just get a rise out of people.
However....DH and I started dating when I was 16 and he was 19. Ten years later we're still together...

[merrr]

Amy - I thought about that! I almost asked her if she was pregnant but decided to hold that thought for now...

Sarah - On no, not a joke... She's got a ring

Vic - I had a promise ring in HS too - I thought I had it all figured out... LOL Yeah... not so much.


I did start dating my DH when I was 17 but I was a senior at that time. I know that sometimes relationships that start in high school can go the distance but I don't see that here. Neither has the maturity level to get past the little stuff let alone learning to live/love/work together to get through major life events like making sure you have enough money to pay the rent AND put food on the table.
I asked my dad about it last night and he gave me the same answer (basically) that my sister did. He's not giving much thought about it. How can they be so casual?! I want to call my niece and talk with her about it to wrap my head around the idea (maybe he really IS the one...) but she doesn't have minutes because she can't afford to buy them. AUGH. Another red flag there.

[cakemakermom]

That's the reason my niece got married at 16 (17?) pregnant... the pictures of the guy looked like he comes from a drinking background. We're wondering how long it'll last until the divorce, just like her parents... We wonder how they'll support themselves and the baby, they can't legally work full time or get government benefits as far as I know.

[ReneeW]

Well, kids won't listen to anyone. So all you can really do is offer advice when you're asked and be supportive if things go downhill. But ... in this life we all make mistakes and learn from them -- we just hope the young people we care about don't get too harmed or injured (or hurt someone else) while they're making those mistakes. These kids who start families young have a tougher road ahead of them but ... that's the road they have chosen, and sometimes they will NOT be talked out of it. Hang in there!!

[gwensmama9206]

Coming from somone who was engaged at 16.... I really wouldn't worry too much about it. Unless she is or gets preggers, then it's time to worry. You could try talking to her about it but being 16, she may not... ok probably wont listen. lol And since she's only 16 unless she's emancipated or her parents give her permission she still has to wait another 2 years until she can even get married anyways. Don't stress yourself out about it hun.

[Susan824]

Out of the hundreds of people I know, I can only think of two people who got married before the age of 25, who remained happily married. Can't even imagine the poor odds on the 16/19 yr old working out. Bummer. Maybe someone should ask her how much she thinks a divorce might cost...and does she have that amount of money saved up, just in case.

[katie]

I was also going to say that unless her parents allow it she can't get married until she is 18. For someone engaged after a couple months another 2 years is going to be a long time. A lot can change in that time.