how is a wedding invite look???

[danikasmom]

My brother is getting married in June. I like my soon to be sil. My sister called me yesterday to tell me about their invites. It reads her parents invite you to the marriage of their daughter to my brother. I was shocked that they didn't include my parents on the invite. Are you suppose to have both sets of parents on it? I did and they last few weddings I went to did. The only one that I saw that didn't was my cousins, because my cousin paid for it himself. I know my parents are paying for the booze and have offered to pay for other things, so I know it can't be because they are helping pay for it.

Please let me know what is the proper etiquette? I'm not sure if I would say anything, but I might. I'm still a little mad that they sent out save the dates and I didn't get one. I know when it is, but I would love to have their picture on the fridge for my kids to see. There may be more to the wedding drama in future.

Thanks

[mommylinz]

My wedding invites didn't include my in-laws, but that was because they paid for NOTHING! My MIL was very upset about it, but my parents paid for everything so my dad refused to put their names on the invite. My brothers invite had both parents names because both sides paid. My cousin's had both parents names and neither parents paid. I was always under the impression it was based on pay. When my MIL was upset about it and told her friends they asked if she was paying for anything, she said no, they said then that is how it should be.
Just my experience. Truth is families get really upset about that and it is such a small thing, I never even notice who is "invitiing" I'm just excited to go.

[ReneeW]

Hmmm ... that is odd. I would guess that the bride-to-be's parents want it to seem as if (or they feel as if) they are paying for the vast majority of the wedding, and so they feel/believe they are the primary hosts of the wedding. As the primary hosts, they get their names exclusively on the invites.

It's rather in poor taste if your parents want to be co-hosts of the event and have offered to pay or are paying for parts of the wedding. But I don't think that I would say anything about it ... in my mind, it's not worth starting a war or hurting people's feelings over the issue of wording. But that's just me. And plus -- it's kind of not your bone to pick. If your parents' feelings are hurt, they should be the ones to discuss it with your brother. As the groom-to-be, he should have had input on the invite and if he didn't insist on including your parents' names, well ... that's his oversight.

[dara1012]

Traditionally it is the bride's parents who are listed as: Mr & Mrs So & So request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Jane Marie to John Mark Doe
This was because the bride's parents were hosting the event.....

Most often now both sets of parents contribute, often the bride and groom pay a portion,

The majority of invites that I see now say (or something like that):
Bride Name & Groom Name
Together with our parents
Bride's parents
Groom's parents
request the honor of your presence

When DH & I got married my parents payed 75% of the bill, but we listed all of our parents on the invite. We had some issue b/c his dad is not married to his girlfriend but they live together and are planning to be together forever and his dad asked that she be included...I am kind of curious as to how her son's wedding invites will look for this coming summer.

Sorry if your parents feel hurt....however your future SIL didn't really do anything wrong in terms of ettiquette

[megan1201]

We paid for a majority of our wedding ourselves... and ours worded something along the lines of:

Bride Name & Groom Name
together with their parents request the honor of your presence.. blah blah blah.

We didn't write out their names, but still wanted to include them on the invite.

[supermommy]

It is whoever is paying for it that is listed that is all I know

[merrr]

As we were planning our wedding we didn't have a whole lot of support from either set of parents so we left them off the invite. Instead, we focused on bringing our family together and said:

Miss (DD) requests the honor of your presense at the marriage of her parents
Merrr
and
Mr. Merrr

[deannemdm]

For us I think we listed both my parents and his dad (may have mentioned late mother too, I think)-- however My parents paid for traditional bride stuff, and DH paid for most of Groom's stuff as just getting his dad was enough of a task

[love]

We had no parents on the invite as we paid for the wedding and I'm not close with my parents AND we have a divorce in the family so we wanted it simple as possible. Let them do what they want. It is THERE wedding. If others think it is tacky, well then they look tacky. I wouldnt think much more into it.

[angel22]

They did what is correct as dictated by tradition etiquette. Her parents are inviting people to the wedding that they are hosting. It has become common curtesy to mention the groom's parents but it is not neccessary. (I like having both sets of parents mentioned just so their friends who receive invites know who it's for!) If your parents are having an issue not being mentioned then they could always have invites for the reception (if that's what they are paying for) made and sent out. Frankly, though, it is the bride's decision whether she follows traditional etiquette or modern curtesy. It sounds like the invites are ordered already so there is no point in letting it bother you and drive a wedge in the new family. My in-laws didn't pay for ANYTHING, didn't even give us a gift, for our wedding but we still had their names on the invite. There are couples who don't put their parents on the invites even though the parents pay for everything. There are couples that put everyone on their invites! Parents, step parents, deceased parents and kids! Those are rather ridiculous but to each their own. This is not something worth getting worked up over and carrying a grudge about.

[angel22]

Oh, not saying that you ARE getting worked up about it and carrying a grudge, just saying that it isn't worth letting yourself be bothered by it.

[stacyl]

My husbands parents paid for everything.(we paid for a few) but we still listed my parents. BUT I do know that, who ever is paying is listed. I just chose to do it differently

[Susan824]

Maybe an inadvertent oversight??? Hard to know.

My mom once said: "Wedding dramas are avoidable, when participants stay focused on the main purpose... enjoying the blessing of the event itself."

[danikasmom]

Thanks. My family is just crazy!! I have to keep telling myself to not ask or comment on anything. It always gets twisted around. I won't let it bug me. I was just surprised.