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Post by ladyandrearose on Feb 9, 2012 18:40:00 GMT -6
Six years ago today, we found out that our baby didn't make it. We were only about 10 weeks along. I'm still so very sad.
During the past year I have really come to terms with our loss. I'm very excited for our heavenly reunion someday, when my tears of sorrow are turned into tears of joy.
I'm still am sad today and the one person I thought would understand my grief, just told me to get over it, it has been six years, let it go. (DH is not known for his tact, LOL) So it made me sadder, still.
I was thinking, who would understand? It only took a second to think, my MoM's will understand!
In my deep, deep grief, I named our baby, Hope, so I would always realize that there was hope in God and in the future I couldn't contemplate at the time. Today, the name reminds me of the hope I have for a reunion, because God's always come through on this promises.
When we should have been five months pregnant w/ Hope, we conceived our DD. So sometimes my grief brings on guilt. W/o Hope's passing we wouldn't have our wonderful DD. I'm so in awe of her and love her with all my heart. At least the grief this year has not spawned guilt.
I don't think it is wrong for me to feel sad one day a year. Is it?
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Post by bunsy on Feb 9, 2012 18:45:46 GMT -6
Absolutely NOT wrong.
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Post by ladyandrearose on Feb 9, 2012 18:48:39 GMT -6
Thanks, Bunsy.
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Post by bunsy on Feb 9, 2012 18:56:41 GMT -6
My local BFF's son died at birth at 34 weeks. They knew from 16 weeks on that he wouldn't survive. He would have been 15 last week. In the last 5 years or so, it has gotten less painful for her but she still remembers. She also has a daughter born about a year after David. If David had lived, she wouldn't have her daughter. It is a hard line to walk.
Her older daughter was 4 when David was born. On the 1st anniversary of his death, they started celebrating with "Donuts for David". That is their remembrance each year. They don't dwell on it but it is healthy to recognize the day, the child, the pain.
Keep on keeping on.
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Post by sharon on Feb 9, 2012 19:08:32 GMT -6
How can what you feel be wrong? It is what your emotion is! It is not right or wrong, it just is.
That being said, it completely makes sense to me that you would be sad and remember the baby that was not to be. I don't think you need to feel guilty about that. You can be sad for your lost baby and cherish your daughter all at the same time. Life is complicated. Grief is complicated.
I'm glad you shared this. I'll be thinking of you.
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Post by ladyandrearose on Feb 9, 2012 19:20:00 GMT -6
Thanks Sharon. I needed words like that today. I have been at peace with our loss for quite awhile, but this day always makes me sad though.
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Post by cwolbeck on Feb 9, 2012 19:57:41 GMT -6
I believe losing an unborn child is like losing one at any point in their life. No matter how old, they were made from you, they are part of you and always will be. So, grieving for them for the rest of your days is totally acceptable. Everyone has different way of dealing with grief, some push it out of their minds and some need to grieve daily or at least once a year. Who is to say what is right and what is wrong?
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Post by dara1012 on Feb 9, 2012 20:27:23 GMT -6
So sorry for your loss. Thinking of you today.
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Post by merrr on Feb 9, 2012 21:26:53 GMT -6
I have heard from psychics that spirits who don't make it to birth will actually look for ways to come back into your life later... Perhaps Hope is still with you... just with another face *hugs*
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Post by ladyandrearose on Feb 10, 2012 6:46:27 GMT -6
Thanks for the kind words ladies, I just needed someone to say it was ok to still be sad. I told DH, "it could be 60 years and I'd still be sad today."
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Post by fungirls on Feb 10, 2012 8:01:34 GMT -6
It is absolutely ok to be sad. You love both of your children equally, no matter where they live. Big hugs to you on this hard day.
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Post by apryllraye87 on Feb 10, 2012 8:45:04 GMT -6
I'm so sorry for your loss.. it is definitely not wrong for you to feel sad on a day like today.
I had a miscarriage 6 years ago as well and the pain you go through (both physically and emotionally) is very difficult.
((((HUGS)))) to you on this hard day.
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Post by bumblebee23 on Feb 10, 2012 8:46:48 GMT -6
Of course not. I have a couple of friends that have miscarried and it has been about 6 or 7 years and they still feel the hurt. I think as a mother you would feel it more than your husband. They don't carry the child and can't understand our connection to our children. Of course you would be sad for a child that you wanted but never got to hold. I have heard of some people having a memorial service for a miscarriage. It helps them to move on and mourn the passing of their child....something to consider. I can't imagine the type of pain this brings and I'm sorry this is something you had to go through. (((((HUGZ))))) for you!
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Post by supermommy on Feb 10, 2012 12:21:26 GMT -6
So sorry, I can totally understand why you would feel sad and you have every right. I think in the case of a miscarriage the guys are not capable of understanding because it was never real to them. They don't make life changes, they don't feel anything from the pregnancy like we do. You were already attached. For men it takes seeing the baby or feeling the kicks...that's what my Dh always says anyway. So it is like your DH lost the idea of a baby and you lost a baby. It is sad your Dh doesn't understand to the extent that you would like but you are right you have us!
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Post by nevaehsmom327 on Feb 10, 2012 12:54:59 GMT -6
I know how you feel hun. You're right though, take hope in the fact that you WILL see your baby again. I think every woman handles it differently, but its never forgotten.
So glad you thought of us when you needed support! That's what we're all here for! Prayers for your baby in heaven, and prayers for your whole family to be blessed on her anniversary.
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