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Post by dara1012 on Mar 9, 2012 17:41:40 GMT -6
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Post by sharon on Mar 9, 2012 17:45:56 GMT -6
Great article - thanks for sharing. Yeah, it's so sad to me when homophobia keeps a parent from closeness with their child, and therefore keeps a child from getting that kind of love and support. So sad.
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Post by sharon on Mar 9, 2012 19:52:38 GMT -6
Dara have you read Real Boys?
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Post by beemama on Mar 9, 2012 20:00:39 GMT -6
"A study of more than 400 middle school boys revealed that sons who were close to their mothers were less likely to define masculinity as being physically tough, stoic and self-reliant. They not only remained more emotionally open, forming stronger friendships, but they also were less depressed and anxious than their more macho classmates. And they were getting better grades." For anyone who knows anything about early child development, this is just common sense - or, it should be. It drives me nuts that there even needs to be studies like this. There should not need to be scientific studies to tell us that our children need loving and secure relationships with their parents! PEOPLE!
When I read about her relationship with her son, I actually smiled and hoped my relationships with my sons will be the same. Then I continued and read her question about "are you getting uncomfortable..." It makes me very sad that anyone would be uncomfortable with a mother and child (of ANY age) displaying a warm and loving relationship.
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Post by sharon on Mar 9, 2012 20:02:38 GMT -6
I had the same thought. I was not uncomfortable a bit. I am uncomfortable when I hear of people being cold or uncaring to their boys out of a misguided idea that it's good for them.
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Post by bunsy on Mar 9, 2012 20:14:50 GMT -6
We took DS2 to a counselor when he was in 7th grade. He (yep, a man) was hyperfocused on how I needed to let go of him because a mother's nurturing needs to end. His opinion was that a boy needed to switch to spending most of his time with his father to become a MAN. He made me nuts and I disagreed with just about everything he said.
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Post by dara1012 on Mar 9, 2012 21:01:22 GMT -6
I haven't read "Real Boys" Sharon- who is the author?
Bunsy- yikes! that is really scary that there are counselors out there advocating that.
Beemama- I had the same thought that I want my relationship with my son to be open, caring and affectionate as he grows. He is a very sweet "mama's boy" now, he goes shopping with DH for gifts for my birthday and Christmas and will ask to buy me flowers sometimes at the grocery store. He picked out pens for me for my birthday so I remember him when I am at work. I hope that those characteristics remain as he grows.
My aunt told me that my grandpa would say that she was raising "mama's boys" and her response was that if "mama's boys" grew up to be men who loved their moms, their family, were kind, caring, considerate, affectionate and good partners then she considered it a compliment. My grandpa was of a very different generation and mind-set.
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Post by sharon on Mar 9, 2012 21:03:10 GMT -6
It's by William Pollack.
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Post by dara1012 on Mar 9, 2012 21:13:04 GMT -6
Thanks!
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Post by elizac on Mar 10, 2012 8:58:22 GMT -6
"For generations mothers have gotten one message: that keeping their sons close is wrong, possibly even dangerous." --
I never heard this message. I also don't know anyone who would not show the love to their son on purpose. Hmmmm.... I wonder how old the studies she quoted are and how they defined those boys that were "insecurely attached to their mothers" (i.e., what does it mean to be insecurely attached to the mother? and would all 400 boys have the same insecurity?).
It also made me wonder if everyone has the same definition of "mama's boy"?
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Post by sharon on Mar 10, 2012 9:03:39 GMT -6
Really? I'm surprised you've never heard someone comment a boy should toughen up or "man up." There are pretty recent studies showing how adults treat even infants differently depending on which gender they believe them to be. It's not that someone would not show their son love, but that they feel they need to do so differently than they would if they are relating to a girl. I have people make assumptions about my son all the time based on his gender, and relate to him in gender stereotyped ways. He absorbed this by age 2 and modified how he related to people he didn't know well. I'm glad you haven't experiences this! That's great - and I hope that continues. How old is your son? I would say it's pretty insidious but it's there for sure.
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Post by sharon on Mar 3, 2013 8:51:44 GMT -6
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Post by Samantha on Mar 3, 2013 10:36:15 GMT -6
This subject has been present in my mind while raising my DAUGHTER. I'm conscious of the gender stereotypes that parents unconsciously put on their children - girls should play with girl toys and be cleaner and more quiet than boys and boys should play with trucks and be rambunctious and get dirty. A cute little girl falls and cries and they're more likely to be picked up and coddled because it's "ok" for girls to cry but if a little boy falls he's supposed to suck it up and move on.. I do think that these stereotypes are becoming less prominent and I would never push a child away from something they enjoy whether its "for" girls or boys, but it's something that's always in the back of my mind.
I aim to raise my daughter the same way I would raise a boy.. to seek help and comfort when they feel they want or need it and to acknowledge and deal with the emotions they feel. I am super affectionate and so is my daughter and I'd do the same with a boy if I had one.
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Post by sharon on Mar 3, 2013 10:51:07 GMT -6
Very true Samantha. A larger discussion about how to raise all children without pushing gender stereotypes on them is a good thing.
Now that our son is older, we simply let him choose the toys, clothes and activities he is interested in. But our rule of thumb when he was too young to do so was that we didn't buy him anything we wouldn't also buy for a girl.
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