Bad grades : Encouragment or Punishment needed?

[doeeyedgirl]

Ok, let me give you a little background on my 10 year old: He is an amazing child. He is loving and compassionate and he can build you just about anything out of legos, working parts and all. In the last year or so, he was diagnosed with ADHD. Really, he is the ADD side of things. He does fine with his attitude, his behavior and is not high-strung by any means. He suffers from the lack of concentration and easy distractions side of things. It's very hard for him to concentrate if things are going on around him.

We have been through our struggles with school, however, you can definitely see the improvement since we decided to allow medication to assist in his troubles. He does well in math, excels in science, art and social studies. These subjects appeal to him. He struggles with Reading and Writing/Communications. He reads well and his comprehension has improved. But when it comes to testing and assignments, his dedication is not there. He has improved his grade some, but I know he could do much better. I have seen it. When he applies himself, he does wonderfully. But he says that the stories they have to read are boring and I think a lot of it comes down to sheer laziness. He wants to be the first done with the test whether he finished or not. He completely forgets homework assignments, even if we ask him and check his planner. Somehow, he misplaces them or just forgets them entirely.

I'm stuck on how to handle this situation. We have tried so many things. We tried incentives. Told him he would receive an iPod touch if he brought his grades up. That didn't work. (Later on, his step-mother decided to give him hers...not sure that was wise, but it's how it goes) We have tried punishments, where if he brings home more than one failing grade he has something he enjoys taken away. He recently has had his iPod taken away for over a month. When we have told him that we are going to take away his TV privleges, he says that he's ok with that.

We're at a loss on how to handle this anymore. We've talked to the teacher, we've worked on studying with him, we've done the punishment and reward system. Most just ends in frustrations.

[laurac]

I'm sorry you're dealing with this Cyndy. It's hard when you can't think of one thing that they care enough about to take away so it will make him want to studay and do well. Just remember, his grades and his tests do not define him as a person. You know he struggles with these things and there are some things you can do about it and there are some things you just can't . Punishment doesn't seem to work. It might be easier to take these as a case by case instead of trying to think of one thing that will work for all of it. And to remember that this is such a small part of who he is. A really great kid.

[cakemakermom]

Is it that he's bored with reading or really has a hard time understanding it? Does he show signs of dyslexia or is he just really not that interested? Perhaps you could write out directions for the other subjects he likes so that you're incorporating all the elements.

Honestly, some of the required reading is boring. I'm someone who loves to read, but some of the kids' selections are not as interesting as perhaps they'd like. Is he picking out interesting things from the library? I know the Elk River library will have a summer program going on again that perhaps he can participate in. There are plenty of sections to pick from, including some of the science and art things he likes to do.

In the end, it is his grade. Remind him that if he can't pass all his courses, he'll have to do it over again and it doesn't get less boring the second time around. Natural consequences...

[doeeyedgirl]

Thanks LC...I needed those encouraging words.

Cake, he doesn't have any signs of anything like dyslexia. He's a very smart child and seems to understand everything that he reads quite easily. I know that the retention is not always there, but we have taught him how to go back and highlight the important things or to do so during the read.
I know that some of it is boring and how difficult it is to read something like that. I get it. But it's a responsibility. He needs to buck up and just get it over with. LOL! I wish I could get him in programs like that, but he is gone at his dad's up in timbucktoo for the entire summer, so that definitely doesn't help either.

[deannemdm]

This sounds A LOT like my DD (she is 10.5 yrs). Just before my DD was diagnosed, her teacher would put up card board type thing that folded around her work area during tests and take it down after (or she would play/ goof off when done). The teacher also did this for a few other children so she did not feel singled out. It did help during test time.
Sometimes a more immediate incentive helps-- same day or sooner( if teacher will work with you on something). I recently am trying to get my daughter to read 15 minutes (at least) a day at home--- she has to read to earn screen time (well, computer time). 15 minutes reading = one hour screen time-- that way it is acheivable so she can start out succeeding the plan is to gradually increasing the ratio of reading to screen time. I am hoping to get her to find stuff she likes to read.
I know school stuff can be boring--
something else I have used/ threatened to use is to take away her friend time after school-- she spends most of her time with a neighbor girl that she is bff with. So grounding her from her friend-- making chore/ homework reading a priority.
Not sure if any of this helps-- but PM me if you want to other suggestions
Also-- have you heard of therapuetic listening? Check it out online and see if it could be helpful-- it was for DD.

[elizac]

I have a brother who has a severe case of ADHD. Punishment never worked on him -- actually, it really backfired for my parents. The only thing that worked was one-on-one instruction -- he pretty much got A's in everything when teachers were teaching him at home.

[doeeyedgirl]

Deanne, I love the idea of reading = screen time. My DS1 doesn't currently receive any, so maybe this would be a good incentive. He does have a few friends in the neighborhood, too, that I could do that with, however, he used to be such a homebody, I hate to lock him in.
I am just really feeling that punishments aren't working. I guess that's why I'm here.

These are all great suggestions ladies. Thanks! Keep them coming!

[danikasmom]

That was my DS. He was diagnosed in 3rd grade with ADHD. He is now and 8th grade and has been able to do better in school. He had a few rough years!! The English part has always been the hardest part of school. We do a bead jar for him. In the beginning we had him put a bead for bringing his work home and finishing it and when he practiced his trumpet as well as chores. Once the jar was filled up he got money = his age. Money was a big motivator. Now the jar is only used for chores, because he kept bringing his work home and doing it without putting a bead in the jar. Just hang in there is will get better!!