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Post by cwolbeck on May 3, 2012 14:13:54 GMT -6
can buy for their kids? I have an almost 6 year old (Payton) and a almost 3 month old. My mother in law works at walmart and I understand she gets a discount, we have the only grandchildren, she was unalbe to have more than 2 kids, and really loves Payton like he is hers. None of this is a bad thing. She is always willing to drive 2 hours to help out and wants us to come visit at least once a month. I truely appreciate her, because she is the only babysitter I have ever had, so the times I get to go out without kids, it is her that we turn too.
Here is my annoyance. I asked my husband if I can ask her to stop buying my Payton, he said no, it will not work. I actually think it would, but it would cause a huge rift between us, and we get along really well, she just doesn't agree with some of my parenting ( which is normal). The thing is she buys him at least 7-10 toys a month, plus movies, games, unhealthy snacks, candy, clothes and everything else to spoil a kid. This kid has way too many toys and with school he barely has any time to play with them. He will have time during the summer, but I would rather be outside and enjoying what the twin cities has to offer. I would personally prefer if she used that money to set up a college fund or something useful like classes or something along those lines. I have already conceded to not say anything, but has anyone ever had this problem?
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Post by angel22 on May 3, 2012 14:29:15 GMT -6
I've had to limit what my mother buys for my girls. My MIL rarely sees them so she doesn't really ever get them things- though at Christmas I try to be VERY specific about what she can buy them (not that she fully listens, but I deal with that after the fact.) My mom spends, spends, spends and loves getting things for the grandkids. I make sure to remind her to only buy things the girls really want or NEED. I point out, quite often, that we don't have room for all of the STUFF and that I don't like giving my girls all of the juices and junk foods that she buys. Another option, I suppose, if she doens't listen then you can return items to the store. Whether for cash back or store credit then use it for things the kids NEED. (I do that after Christmas for things MIL has wasted her money on.) Also, remind your MIL that the kids need HER and not the stuff she buys them. It doesn't have to cause a big rift, it could help things, in fact. Perhaps when she thinks of buying stuff she'll call you first and find out if the kids could use it. If they can't then you can give her other options about what to buy.
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Post by supermommy on May 3, 2012 14:39:05 GMT -6
I have one of each kind. My mom spoils too much and I have talked to her about it before and she did cut back. My MIL on the other hand barely sees the boys and NEVER buys them anything unless it's a special occasion. She also will never give them treats...not even an occasional cookie and the she makes me feel bad about the cookies I let them have sometimes. She's horrible...ugh makes me want to puke just thinking about it. I would say for you to take the chance and talk to her...it's an important issue. I agree with all the things Angel said about what to say!
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Post by nevaehsmom327 on May 3, 2012 15:11:02 GMT -6
I don't limit what my in laws or what my parents would buy for my kids. If they want to spend their money on it, by all means...please do!
I can see where you're coming from though. Maybe you can ask her to stop buying the junk food and candy? And maybe instead of games and movies buy shoes and socks? Or something that they may go through quicker like clothes? Just try to make it more useful. DD's grandma always has candy or snacks for her, but after I told her to stop bringing them to our house all the time, she did. And then she started buying her like I said, more useful things like clothes or toys.
Hope that helps!
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Post by dara1012 on May 3, 2012 16:20:59 GMT -6
I have tried to gently remind my mom and MIL that we have a townhome and that means not a lot of space for all of the large toys they buy DS or all the clothes.....they still need reminders apparently as he just got a few big toys for his birthday!
My mom loves to go to garage sales. I don't have time and she does so that is good. I try to be very specific about what he needs though so I don't get 10 pairs of shorts when what he really needs is t-shirts.
I never really got a lot of things from my grandparents and even my parents growing up. DS is def. more spoiled than I was growing up b/c he has 3 sets of grandparents who all make a decent amount of money and I had grandparents who didn't have a lot of money and one who lived far away and all her money was spent on traveling to see us. My parents and DH's parents didn't have a lot of money when we were growing up so I think both of us spend more on him than we should because he is our only and we want to give him everything....we need to remind ourselves that instead of spending $30 on a toy we should put it in his college savings.
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Post by Samantha on May 3, 2012 16:37:22 GMT -6
I have tried... the problem lays mostly with my own mother but she just doesn't get it. I allow the other grandparents to spoil her because they only see her once a month or less but we're currently living with my mother so it creates a real problem. I haven't had success though.
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Post by cwolbeck on May 3, 2012 16:38:44 GMT -6
I think I want him to appreciate the value of money a little more, so when I tell him he can't have something, he tells his grandma to get it for him. He is sneaky about it, because I am a pretty strict parent. I also don't let him have a lot of screen time, and when he is at their house, they let him watch tv and movies all day long. Maybe I'm a weird parent?!?!
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Post by angel22 on May 3, 2012 20:46:02 GMT -6
OMG, no, you AREN'T a weird parent! My fricken mother is obsessed with tv and movies and she always has my nephew in front of the screen and she tries to do the same with my girls. Luckily my girls will only watch a little but prefer to play. Doesn't stop my mom for trying though! My girls also know that if mommy won't buy them something that Nana probably will. Another reason it's a good thing we dont' see her very often! (For now...)
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Post by sharon on May 4, 2012 5:24:18 GMT -6
Just when I think I couldn't love and appreciate my MIL any more than I do! Wow. We are very conservative with media and she would never show him something on tv without asking us. She always checks with us before buying him something. She does love to spoil him and we are fine with letting her but she also has great boundaries and has never gone overboard. I can't imagine her ever buying him something we would object to. One thing I've seen that really makes me proud of her and happy for my son is that she used to only feel comfortable buying him stereotypical boy stuff. She never gave him a hard time per se for any of his non-stereotypical interests, and she would buy him stuff he did like, but maybe not the top thing he was hoping for, if it didn't conform to stereotypes. But she has shifted in the last year or so and now totally embraces whatever he is info, and has sent him money toward the AG stuff he has been saving for and got him an AG gift card for Chanukah, which was the thing he most wanted.
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Post by camilla on May 4, 2012 6:51:58 GMT -6
I had to tell my MiL to stop buying cheap clothes for our oldest DD. she would spend a fortune sending from Europe and it a. Wasn't my taste and b. cheaply made and c. Never fit my DD!! When we were visiting last September she had bought a size 8 PJ set at this cheap cheap store. My DD as 4 at the time. We ended up getting the receipt and taking it back. Then I explained to her that while I appreciate the gesture it just wasn't practical. I work for the Gap and get an amazing discount on clothes for the girls and a lot of times my DD doesn't like what MIL has picked out. Then I explained what I would love for her to buy-DVDs of Danish cartoons/kids movies, CDs of Danish music for the kids, Danish children's books- do you see a theme! Not that it helped. She recently sent DD a jeans skirt that looks very similar to one she already has and I can see on the tag that she paid 3 times what I paid for the one DD already has. MILs. Whatcha gonna do?!
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Post by angel22 on May 4, 2012 7:56:54 GMT -6
Uff, clothes! DD1 has always been very outspoken about what she wears (even when she was a newborn, if I put her in yellow she was a BRAT but as soon as I changed her into ANY other color she was an angel again!) My mother thinks that we can guilt DD1 into liking or wearing something by telling her "Nana picked it out especially for you." Nope, I won't do it and it doesn't work anyway! The only thing THAT does is prevent DD1 from wanting to exchange it at the store for something she DOES want! Also, my girls are really skinny so we have to really watch the waistbands on clothes and get SKINNY clothes. My MIL won't pay attention to that and she also picks out the UGLIEST clothes! She takes off tags and never gives reciepts so it was quite challenging after Christmas this year- everything she bought came from KMart, Walmart, or Shopko, I discovered. Anything we can't return or use goes in the jammie drawer or the garage sale box. My mother, on the other hand, at least leaves tags on and usually sends reciepts so we CAN exchange if need be. We have ridiculous amounts of clothing for the girls.
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Post by bumblebee23 on May 4, 2012 8:54:00 GMT -6
My boys don't see my DH's parents so that isn't an issue and my mom doesn't have any money to spoil them but will try buy buying things from the dollar store so I have never been in this situation.
I do have a couple suggestions for you. I think you do in fact need to speak with her. If she doesn't stop then either try to return the items or save them for xmas time and donate them to toys for tots....take the kids with too so they understand what you are doing. Since you want to be outside as her to instead put her money towards a membership at the zoo or something like that. I do like the idea of asking her to put the money in a college account, tell her you would really appreciate her help securing their future for college given the cost of it now.
As for the sweets and stuff just put your foot down and tell her you only allow those on special occasions. I even told my neighbor this when I found out he gave the boys coke for helping with yard work. I don't mind if he wants to reward them for helping but we dont' allow the boys to drink caffeine so I just asked him if next time he could make it a sprite or root beer.
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Post by cwolbeck on May 4, 2012 9:39:55 GMT -6
Thanks for all the tips ladies! I like the idea of saving toys up for toys for tots and such. I also have the ugly clothes problem, some she gets at thrift stores and they are practically worn out, the others come from from walmart and don't last long.
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Post by sharon on May 4, 2012 14:44:43 GMT -6
I love the membership idea Mo has too! That way every time you go to the museum or the zoo you will think of her and feel grateful!
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Post by dara1012 on May 4, 2012 15:24:14 GMT -6
I really wish that DS's grandparents would buy us memberships to CM, zoo or pay for swimming lessons, sports, etc. instead of spending the money on clothes that he refuses to wear (like Angel's DD, my DS is so opinionated about clothes).
I am thankful that they don't buy him junk food or let him watch things we don't. They are all really good about trying to feed him a healthy diet for the most part, of course they make cookies or go out to ice cream but he doesn't see them more than once a month so it is just a treat.
I am also thankful that DS has 3 sets of grandparents that love him and want to spend time with him as my one living grandparent doesn't enjoy seeing us or make any effort to be a part of our lives.
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