It's not fair!

[lilmermaid]

For those of you with older kids how did you deal with the "It's not fair" response to everything!

We have been dealing with this off and on with DD1 who is 8 about the things DD2 and I do together while she is at school. I have tried to tell her that she got to do those things with me when she was that age also.
We try to do special things for her too but most of the time they involve DD2 coming too. I have also told her there are many things she gets to do that DD2 doesn't get to do. Letting her know she is the first one to do those things, etc.

Any ideas in helping her to realize that life is never fair!
Thanks!

[bunsy]

Normal behavior on her part. DS1 was ticked off when the twins and I went to the park or the zoo or anyplace without him. You're doing what I did--remind him that HE had alone time with Mom when he was little too.

Do your best to find time to do special things withOUT the younger ones--lunch, park time, shopping, etc. You and dd1 or DH and dd1. DS got to go work on the streetcars with DH and later they had scouts together.

The answer to "not fair" was "I'm sorry you feel that way. We are all doing the best we can for our family. Let's go read a book or play a game"

[deannemdm]

I just validate it sometimes that life isn't fiar and that it sucks-- but we have to deal with it and I can relate and will try my best to hel[p when I can, but i am not all powerful

[bumblebee23]

My boys do that sometimes to but not very often. I try to make sure they are both able to do things. They are 8 and 10 and both in school now. I was going to sign them up for some community field trips but it is only for 4th - 9th grade and that means DS2 wouldn't be able to go so I'm not going to do it.

I have just explained to them that life isn't fair, you don't always get what you want and sometimes one person gets to do something the other one can't. Like one night DS1 got to have a sleep over at the neighbors house and DS2 had to stay home. I tried to make it a special night for just him and we went to the redbox and he got to pick a couple movies and have special snacks and sleep on the couch in the living room (which they love to do but don't get to that often).

[healerarina]

DD1 is obviously feeling that way, but at 4 1/2 she doesn't know how to express it. She is introverted as well, and likes to play alone, but seeing that her sister likes to play with people and not toys baffels her. I try to make time for just her, but she doesn't really want it. I try to emphasise what she gets because she is older, but she still (at almost 5) wants to be the baby.

[danikasmom]

It's a hard lesson that they will learn on their own. We try to set up date nights with each of the kids. They get to pick the parent and what they do. I have 3 kids, but my oldest who is 13 doesn't care anymore. So one month DD1 picks a parent and an activity and then the next month DD2 picks. It has worked out great. IT is usually a fast food place and a movie or a Target trip(for an icee) and disc golfing plus park. My son goes with dad disc golfing every weekend because they are in a league together.