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Post by dara1012 on Jun 5, 2012 19:16:43 GMT -6
I need to vent about DH inviting his friends over. I really don't mind having his friends hang out and he always makes sure that it works for me, but what I do mind is that he never cleans up our house before they come over. I don't like having a huge mess in our house when we have visitors. DH says "they don't care", "their house is just as bad (or worse", but I do care and when I invite my friends over I make sure the bathroom and kitchen are clean and the living room is straightened up.
This Friday he invited a lot of people over to preview and critique his new work project....this means that Thursday after work I need to clean the entire house and make food.....ahhhhh!!!! I am stressed with trying to find DS a preschool, work, thesis stuff for school and don't want to spend my Thursday cleaning.
I have tried to explain this concern to him and the response I get is to "lighten up" and not worry about our house. I don't want to start a huge fight over this and know he has been working hard, but I have been too.
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Post by ReneeW on Jun 5, 2012 20:07:40 GMT -6
Ugh, that is tough. Hang in there -- and I totally get it. You want the house to be at least neat and tidy for people to be over, and the bathroom to be clean. I'm the same way. And it's hard because you can't tell your DH "OK you need to clean" if he doesn't care about the mess. Hmmm. Could you convince him to clean with you and help you out a little bit? Like, at least run the vacuum quick or straighten up or do a quick swipe through the bathroom? Because even if his friends don't care and HE doesn't care, the point is that YOU do care. So it would be very kind of him and he'd score some extra "awesome DH" points if he'd help out. It may be worth a try.  |
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Post by bunsy on Jun 5, 2012 20:13:27 GMT -6
Sorry to say this falls in my "battle not worth fighting" category. I do a quick swipe of the bathroom sink and the toilet and that is that. I wouldn't prepare food either. If he wants friends over, he can plan the food situation as well.
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Post by sarahisis on Jun 5, 2012 21:16:53 GMT -6
My dh is the same way... luckily we don't have very many people over... I gave up the "they don't care if its clean " battle a long time ago...
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Post by danikasmom on Jun 6, 2012 16:14:44 GMT -6
Maybe you can give him a little incentive for cleaning up. WINK WINK. That's what I do with my husband and it works out well!!
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Post by laurac on Jun 7, 2012 7:08:43 GMT -6
I've always thought, wrongly, that how the house looks is a direct reflection on me. Or if DH goes to a wedding and his shirt isn't ironed then it makes me look bad. Like I'm the bad wife. When really, I'm not the one wearing the shirt and I'm not the only one living in this house. Deb, you have way better things to stress out over than what his slobby friends think of your house. Wipe down the bathroom, run the vaccuum over the floor if that makes you feel better and let him worry about the food. When your friends come over, then you can clean and make food!
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Post by laurac on Jun 7, 2012 7:09:28 GMT -6
What I hate worse is when I get home from work and BIL is over and I'm like, oh hey...(WTH!!!) I need some time at home before I have to be nice!
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Post by dara1012 on Jun 7, 2012 8:56:37 GMT -6
Thanks for your responses ladies! The problem with this Friday is that it is his friends that are also my friends....so it isn't just his poker night or his BFF....they are my friends (and some of them women) so I know I won't be able to relax and have fun if the house is a disaster. I just wish he grasped the concept that toilets and sinks need to be cleaned regularly and ensure our main living areas are clean and focus less on if the beer is cold.
LC- I love your comment about needing time before being nice! DH's BFF comes over about once a week to hang out after work (his wife travels a lot for work) and whenever he is there when I get home I feel like I can't change into my sweats and have downtime.....that I've stopped caring about to a point, but DH's BFF's wife always looks gorgeous so I feel like a slob if I put my yoga pants and t-shirt on (which is what I live in if not at work)
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Post by sarahisis on Jun 7, 2012 9:09:09 GMT -6
what I do when the house needs a good cleaning before company or whatever is write down everything that needs to be done in a list... prioritized, and I don't give Mike a choice... I write his name down next to a couple things and for the most part now... he knows I expect those couple things to be done in a timely fashion!
if its just a couple things.. I just do it myself.
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