Feelings are hurt

[laurac]

With those of you with girls old enough to hurt your feelings, how do you deal with that?

After all we've been through with this child and she gets after me for texing her too much. MOM! I'M FINE! I'm texting her that I love her and that I miss her as she's been running all over the place since school got out. I said, fine, Dad will come and get you tomorrow from your friends and you are staying home with no friends for the next 2 days.

I'm going to straighten her out!

[lilmermaid]

I don't have any advice just wanted to give you some HUGS!!!!!

[laurac]

Thanks Lillian

[irish]

((hugs)) also! Honestly, I don't think she'll quite "get it" for a while. I can only speak from my own experience as a mean teenager to my mom..as soon as I moved out and missed my mom, I finally got it. And even more so as a parent now too...I've apologized many times to my mom for my behavior and attitude as a teenager. I know I hurt her a lot and am disappointed in myself as I can never take that back She'll get it LC...eventually..(((hugs)))

[nevaehsmom327]

I'm with Irish on that one. I never really knew the pain I caused my mom either until I myself became a mother and heard DD say some mean things to me, and that was coming from a little kid, like 5-7 years old....but it still hurts! One day it will hit her, and she may or may not apologize for it. It sucks, hang in there though...just know that behind all that anger and pissed off-edness, she does LOVE you! (((HUUUUGS))) and WE ALL LOVE YOU TOO LC!!!!

[bumblebee23]

I don't have any advice for you either but good luck on the straightening her out!

[dara1012]

Oh LC I am so sorry! Of course your DD has no idea how much you love her, how hard you are fighting for her....etc. She'll figure it out eventually but not fully until she has her own child. I was mean to my mom in high school, I feel horrible about it now. I missed her terribly once I left for college and now as I go through life as a parent I appreciate so much more all the sacrifices she made, all the things she did (little and big).....so she will come around.

In the meantime, I would have an honest conversation with her with your DH too. She needs to hear what you have to say even if she doesn't listen, hopefully some of it will sink in.

I am wondering if your DD is friends with you on FB? The reason I ask is that you had posted a link last week to the Erin's law and asked people to sign b/c your DD had been sexually assaulted. Maybe DD is mad at you and not expressing it well b/c that embarrassed her? When I was a teenager I had an eating disorder and in my 20's I struggled with infertility. I wouldn't have been happy if my mom shared those struggles with people on a public forum. Now that I have gone through those issues I realize that they are nothing to be embarrassed about and speaking out and sharing my story is important part of healing and showing that I am stronger than those issues. I am not criticizing your choice to speak out on behalf of children who need education regarding sexual assault, molestation, etc. and put a real face on the issue, but I am trying to figure out if that might be a starting point for conversation with your DD about why she is angry with you.

Good luck and hugs!

[laurac]

That's a good point, Deb. She is not on FB because it's just not a good place for her to be. She doesn't have twitter/tumbler/fb at all because there is just too much drama on there.
I put that on there about Erin's law and really did debate about putting anything on there about her because I didn't know if I wanted my extended family to know but you know? She didn't do anything wrong and I really do want to bring awareness.

Thanks for your input, it's really appreciated.

[laurac]

When she was in the hospital my Mom came to see her and when my Mom left I just had this huge breakdown and my Mom said, you need to let her see you cry. She needs to know how this affects you and that it's not okay. I'm trying to keep this in mind.

[dara1012]

Your mom is very wise. When I was mean to my mom in high school I didn't realize I was hurting her. Being a teenager is so dang hard (and even more so with what your DD has gone through), there are so many emotions, so many hormones, so much hurt.

It is also wise that your DD is not on FB/tumblr/twitter....at that age it is way too much drama. As an adult I love it b/c I can connect with people I care about but don't have time to call or visit, but I am not friends with people who create drama so it's a positive place, in high school I fear it's not.

[laurac]

It's def not in HS. I like it as well for connecting with family and friends.

I try to remember she is just 16 and can be just angry.

[elizac]

I am sorry to hear this, LC. It made me sad, as I have witnessed my parents being hurt so much by one of my siblings. It is so very hard when they do not want to communicate with you and are negative. Is there a way for you to find a camp or some activity where your DD could be involved in some meaningful activity and be supervised by adults? This way you would know where she is and what she is doing. I guess this would be what I would do but you know her and her needs best.

[ReneeW]

I think you can tell her that she hurt your feelings, too ... like, she can learn that she has the power to hurt someone, even someone as "powerful" (in her eyes) as you are. But hang in there, lotsa hugs to you, teens are rotten at impulse control and don't always realize that those words can really, really wound someone's heart.

[sharon]

No advice - teens are way out of my league - but just wanted to send a cyber hug your way!

[danikasmom]

Just keep being there. She will come around. I have a 13 year old DS and he is a little that way. We just keep doing what we are doing and hopefully it will all work out. We try to spend have one date a month with each kid just to let them know we love them and want to spend time with them.