Advice, Please

[ladyandrearose]

We just got back from my family reunion. It turns out that my younger sister has been talking smack about my husband, daughter and me to some of my cousins. Since she sees me as often as once a year and we maybe talk on the phone maybe twice a year (and she is usually drunk), her opinions are not based on any consistency. She is saying my DD is a wild, undisciplined child, who is spoiled and treated like a princess and my husband is a mean jerk.

Is it even worth confronting her? She is a alcoholic w/ anxiety problems. I feel anything I say will not really penetrate and make a difference. Yet, I'm hurt enough to want to say something to defend myself.

Any advice?

[bunsy]

I don't think saying something to her will change anything. Were these cousins at the reunion to see that your sister's information is incorrect? Maybe that will just have to do.

Be secure in YOUR family and don't let your sister drag you down. You already know that she can't be trusted and others probably know that too.

[ladyandrearose]

Thanks Bunsy. I needed that! My cousin did say what he saw was way different from what he expected. Even when we were growing up, she did what she could to drag me down and make me feel bad. You would think she would have matured beyond that by now.

[dara1012]

Hold your head up, if your cousins ask or make comments then say that your sorry they got the wrong impression of the situation but this is who your family is and try (as hard as it is) to not let her get you down. You know in your heart who you, DH and DD are.

[AuntSueto4]

I agree with Bunsy and dara...

HUGS to you and your family...

[sharon]

Agree with all above and still I think there is nothing wrong with saying that it was hurtful to you to hear what she's been saying about you and your family behind your backs. It would at least let her know that her words do get repeated. I wouldn't expect anything to change really, or do anything to raise the level of conflcict but I think it's appropriate to say "People repeated things you said about me at the reunion and that was really hurtful to me." or some such thing.

[deannemdm]

Just remember that is her OPINION only (as inaccurate as it is). and that "opinions are like a--holes--- everyone has one (and the same one doesn't work for everyone)"-- hope this at least had you crack a grin.

People saying things like that often it reflects more of what kind of person they are than the person they are talking about

[bumblebee23]

I think the opinions of those you need to change are the ones of whom might actually be listening to her. However, I don't think saying anything to your sister is going to do any good. I wouldn't say anything to her because it will more than likely just lead to a confrontation and huge arguement which will also just fuel the fire for her talking smack about you to other family members.

[nevaehsmom327]

meh - when we have family problems like this, i just try to show them by action that whatever they're saying isn't true.

[ReneeW]

People tend to look at a person who's saying things and "see the source" -- so often, what's being said is a reflection upon the speaker, not upon the subject. So people who know you will just shrug off the nasty comments and as Amy said, your actions will prove her wrong anyway. Hang in there -- 'cause that does stink. You can't change what people will say, but how you react to it will be what's telling. Keep your chin up!!!

[merrr]

What a pain in the ass. As if you don't have enough on your plate! Best I can say is to live your life with quality and dignity. Others will see her misjudgements in the end.

[ladyandrearose]

Thanks ladies, I appreciate it! I decided to not let her get me down anymore. I KNOW I'm a pretty good mom. I'm just going to let it pass, let our actions speak louder (thanks, Amy).