Definition of "potty trained"

[dara1012]

What do you consider "potty trained"?

DH and I have considered DS to be potty trained since he stopped having accidents of #1 & #2 in pull-up/diaper. He goes by himself at home both #1 & #2 and needs helping wiping after #2. He washes his hands independently.

We brought him to his summer preschool today and the room coordinator kinda freaked out when she asked if he was potty trained and I said he needs help wiping after #2. She said, no way, I don't do that, it's a liability and I don't want to be accused of any inappropriate touching. I said, "okay we'll work on that with him at home". Then I asked about their facilities and realized it won't work great for DS b/c he has a medical condition and can't pee down (we are fixing that soon), she said they can't help. So he held it all day today (at least that is what he told us). They switched classrooms today and now there are urinals so he can use those.

DH is contemplating showing up at 1p before nap everyday to help him pee, I feel like they should be able to do some helping though. I haven't encountered this before so not sure what to do.

[mommylinz]

Wow, that seems odd that they won't help him wipe after #2. I consider going in the potty, potty trained. I realize schools/daycares may have rules about what they do and don't help with, but I would think many pre-schoolers would need help with wiping after #2. My DD is 4/almost 5 and we are working on the wiping after #2 because she will start kindergarten in the fall. I don't have much advice outside of looking for a different pre-school. Good luck to you and your DS:(

[dara1012]

I found it odd b/c it does not say that you have to be potty trained to go there it just says you have to be "working on being potty trained" which to me means that DS is ahead of where they need him to be to attend.

The program director is on vacation until next week so DH and I decided we'll give it until she gets back as long as DS is happy and doing well. One of the classroom assistants goes to our church so we felt better about that. the classroom director was super frazzled today (they moved classrooms) so I am hoping that is just it. We'll see....we are registering him for fall preschool tomorrow so if this one doesn't work we may see if we can get our money back and start at the other place.

[lilmermaid]

I know for DD2's preschool they have to do it all on their own. They only help change if there is an accident. I believe if the preschool is licensed by the state they are not allowed to help the children.

Also when I worked with the preschoolers for the Y summer camps we weren't allowed to help the children either.

If it's stated that they only need to be working on it then that seems wrong that they would not help. I hope you get something figured out!

For me if it says they must be potty trained it means they do it all on their own including wiping!

[nevaehsmom327]

I guess potty trained for me would be all of it too. But if it says they must be "working on it" then you'd think they would help.

[jrose]

I guess my take on it was that they need to know how to do it all but if they say that they need to be working on it then it just seems odd that they won't help them!

[dara1012]

I think my helping with wiping after #2 comes from working with people with disabilities. I have found out in not so good ways that when the parents say someone is "independent" in that area that often they have difficulty being sufficiently clean and this leads to unhealthy things. So out of a desire to ensure that DS is really clean in that area we haven't taught him to do it on his own and I was planning to work on it before kindergarten. He rarely goes #2 during the day anyway so it shouldn't be too big an issue. I am concerned about #1 though b/c he is too short for the urinals at the school. I asked them to help him with finding a stool that would work and they said they would.

[sharon]

I believe they are allowed to help wipe with a gloved hand. If it's a room that has no changing table then they may not have gloves readily available for wiping, although they have to have some for first aid for sure.
My experience in preschools is that kids, once they leave a room where most kid are in diapers (toddler age) are expected to learn to wipe. If they don't do very well at first - and it IS a learned skill so takes time - then the expectation is they do the best they can and parents bathe them at home.
Definitely by PreK (age 4) kids are generally expected to toilet independently, with help only to snap pants if needed.
That being said, if there is a disability or medical issue that effects toileting, I would expect a school to make adaptations if possible, which it sounds like they are doing with peeing in a urinal with a stool to stand on.
I think it's likely a communication problem - the teacher is expecting total toileting independence but the paperwork says "working" on it. I would point that out to them so they can figure out which it is and be clear.
I can't remember how old your son is?

[healerarina]

My DD1 is almost 5 and still has problems wiping after #2 sometimes (usually when it is really runny). We also didn't help her learn right away because she got a kidney infection just before she turned 4, and it is because she has reflux into her kidney when she goes #1. We had to be extra careful to avoid UTIs. DD1 also has ADHD and doesn't always pay attention to what she is doing, so wiping alone has been a long road.