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Post by onlyoneboy on Aug 9, 2012 11:50:11 GMT -6
I need an impartial view on things. Here is what is happening.
This past weekend my in-laws had relatives from another state stay with them, they were my MIL's brother/wife/son/grandkids. During the course of the stay it was apparent the son was sneaking off to do drugs (he's in is 30's). The son and his kids live with his parents. The parents know he is doing drugs and enabling him because they don't want to loose the grandkids, which they have pretty much been raising. Tuesday comes and all the company leaves. It is also my MIL's birthday. DH calls her to wish her a happy birthday over his lunch hour since our night was going to be busy. The in-laws were going to watch DS2 tomorrow but told DH they were not going to watch him now because his mother is having some issue's that stem from DS1 (who is 7 years old) not calling her on her birthday and from all the crap that happened over the weekend with the relatives in town. There is much more that goes back months but I won't bore you with all of that.
So my view on things if these few things affect her mental health to that point there is something going on. I don't know if it is depression, anxiety or what but something is not right. I do not feel comfortable sending DS2 over there in case something does happen. She does have physical limitations due to excessive weight (she is addicted to food) and she has 2 artificial hips. FIL is around but I think he has some type of dementia setting in. I told DH that he really needs to talk to his parents about some of these issues and maybe she needs to see a counselor or someone to help her. I can not talk to her about any of this because she already does not like me. I've had words with her over her trying to tell me how to raise my kids. She was overprotective and didn't let her kids make any of their own decisions growing up and I am not like that.
What do you all think? Thanks for listening.
***More Info**** So fustrating!! So today DH tells me part of the problem with his mother is that she doesn't like that we let DS1 make his own decisions and she thinks he shouldn't be able to do that. Really? He goes to a park and rec program for 7 weeks during the summer. This program is M-F from 1-3:30. We let DS1 decided how many days he wanted to miss from PnR to go to MIL's house. DS1 decided he only wanted to miss 1 day a week. Fine. She's pissed about that. She said we let the PnR program control his summer. This woman is insane and I don't know how to get through to DH about it. Things like that are not normal. He says everyone has issues, which he is right, but to get that pissed about a few simple things that you don't want to spend time with your grandkids? If she thinks she is punishing us by not taking the kids she has another thing coming. I would rather they go to daycare everyday. Any advice on how to get through to DH about this?
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Post by bunsy on Aug 9, 2012 12:10:25 GMT -6
No advice but it doesn't sound like a very stable situation. Which of course means not very safe for little kids.
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Post by laurac on Aug 9, 2012 13:25:54 GMT -6
Go with your gut, OOB. He's your kid and it doesn't sound stable at all.
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Post by onlyoneboy on Aug 9, 2012 13:44:39 GMT -6
Thanks Bunsy and LC. This is not the first time we have had issues with her. When DS1 was less than a year old we had to tell her she couldn't watch him anymore till she figured out what was going on. She was having "spells" as she would put it and would take Nitris (sp?) and it would work and she would feel better but she would swear nothing was wrong with her heart. Once we put a stop to her watching DS1 she went in to get it checked and she had 100% blockage in an artery and needed a couple of stents.
I don't know what is going on this time. Maybe it's something as simple as one of her medications being off, but something is wrong. Guess I'll have to have a heart to heart with DH tonight and put my foot down. Maybe if we tell her she can't watch the kids she will go in and figure out what is going on.
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Post by bunsy on Aug 9, 2012 13:46:33 GMT -6
Hurt feeling are no fun but you have to know your kids are safe and well-cared for when you leave them. Good luck.
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Post by dara1012 on Aug 9, 2012 14:57:43 GMT -6
As the other ladies have said, this does not sounds like a safe/stable situation for your kids. If it were me, I would have my DH have an honest, caring conversation with his mom and not let her watch the kids until she has been checked out medically for sure. To get upset at a 7 year old for not calling his grandma on his birthday is unfair IMO. She is the adult and needs to act that way, but it also sounds like there are other things going on. Good luck
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Post by ReneeW on Aug 9, 2012 18:41:38 GMT -6
Yep, I agree. You just can't take the risk that something serious is going on that could negatively impact your kids. You're handling it very well -- it should be your DH who talks to his mom because anything that comes from you won't be "heard" very well. So he needs to have an honest, "Mom I'm worried about you" type conversation.
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Post by onlyoneboy on Aug 10, 2012 11:30:04 GMT -6
*Bump*
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Post by laurac on Aug 10, 2012 11:37:42 GMT -6
Keep reiterating to your DH how much better your DS#1 is for being around other kids at the park and when you decided to send him there it was for his benefit and had nothing to do with your MIL, which she sees as a punishment. She should be happy your DS had a fun summer! So many summers are boring for kids!
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Post by onlyoneboy on Aug 10, 2012 11:42:13 GMT -6
DH agrees with me that PnR is good for him and doesn't understand why his mom is thinking that way. He just doesn't seem to understand that I truly am concerned for her and I think there is something mentally going on with her that she needs help for. Normal people don't think that way.
When DS1 was less than a year old she was having heart problems and the only way she went in to see what was going on is we had to tell her she couldn't watch DS1 until she found out what was going on. She went in then and found out she had a blockage and needed a couple of stents. Yes that was a physical problem and this is a mental problem, but, to me it is just as bad. I feel that if we need to we should tell her she can't watch the boys until she figures out what is going on.
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Post by laurac on Aug 10, 2012 13:41:12 GMT -6
Mostly the issue is you think there is something medically wrong with her to be behaving this way. Maybe your theory will work by not having the boys over there.
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