New year, new school friends, new issues to handle

[cakemakermom]

So this year we're starting to get into the playing with friends back and forth thing. That's great when I have the parent of the child calling and making the playdate or I've at least met the parent of the kids that they're playing with.

We seem to have this new group of kids in the building that we didn't have last year and the kids are great, especially when I allow them to come over and play. I have yet to meet the parents of these kids, even though we live in the same building. I'm not sure what kind of parents they are and wouldn't feel comfortable letting my kids go over there without meeting these parents.

I have a feeling that these kids will be over a lot more this year, which is fine with me, but I'm not sure if I'll end up feeding these kids with times as tight as they are already. They came over today to play for a little while, although the kid of mine that they really wanted to play with was not home. One of them commented that I must be rich simply because I do have a lot of stuff and the kids have a lot of toys. They probably will never know the fact that my kids have extended relatives that buy them stuff and most of my stuff I've gotten for cheap or free. It's amazing the difference in "rich" to different people.

I'm still trying to feel this new relationship out that I will inevitably have with the trio and am wondering, do you feed your children's friends when they come over? Do you have regular friends of the kids over? Is it obvious the kids that come from poor families that need the extra love, attention and possibly food?

How do you handle the kids that need the extra attention?

[deannemdm]

Several years back when DD ws about 4-6 or so, we were living in a trailer park and so we had a few sets of kids that would rotate in. I had met the parents since we lived fairly close together. I would feed the kids, but I had extra benefit as DD was picky, but if a friend was eating, she would try it and eat. She also ate at their houses sometimes. Of course, finances weren't tight for us most of the time either. I would say walk the kids home (across the hall or whatever) to meet the parents and talk about maybe trading off? When the kids come over, did they have supervision at home? Did they tell anyone where they were going?

[cakemakermom]

The kids said that their parents knew where they were, but who knows how much truth there was to that. The oldest came with his set of keys. It will take a while to figure out how I will handle them. I know which apartment they belong to, so it will be about getting up and meeting the parents.

[sharon]

I think it's concerning that they are in your home and you have never seen the parents. We do have kids down the street who are unsupervised a lot and just show up at our house, but we have not let them come in. If we have time we come out and play in the yard with them, otherwise we just let them know we can't right now. The timing us usually off because they are coming out to play as Ian is getting ready for bed.

I find we have to be very clear about boundaries as they have not had a adult teach them about them. Even then, they sometimes don't seem to "get it." For example, they were coming in our backyard and picking our fruit off our trees and then told us about it - it was clear that they didn't even realize there was anything wrong with that. Or when we've already said we are in for the night and we are reading and getting ready for bed, the boy will just hang out outside our house, trying to peek in our windows and continuing to knock on our door.

So I guess my caution would be to not get into anything you are ready to sustain, or else you'll have to be very clear about pulling back on it.

[cakemakermom]

They showed up at my door again this morning. I let them in as I'd rather be supervising them in the morning than letting them climb buildings in the park and getting in trouble. They seem like a good set of kids that may just not have had boundaries placed on them. I'm concerned that they may have already stolen some money from my son, but I can't prove it as I don't know how much was in his bank to begin with.

I know the kids from the bus stop, but still haven't met the parents and worry I may never meet these parents. I may just have to bring them home the next evening that I have them over to meet these parents. I'd rather be a strong, stable influence on them by allowing them into my home than worry about them being out wandering all the time.

The park we're next to is not suitable for younger kids to be wandering alone in as there is a big drug issue happening in the closer lot in the afternoons, which the police know about and I hope will be gotten rid of in the upcoming months. These young kids don't need to be near teenagers that have nothing better to do with their lives that waste them away.

It's amazing how apartment living is so different from a generation ago. I've never met most of my neighbors, while my mother knew all of hers when she lived in an apartment.

[ReneeW]

This is tough. It's wonderful that you want to be a positive role model for these kids, and it sounds like they could use it. But you also want to make sure that you're able to keep healthy boundaries and make sure it's positive for your own kids too. You may have to sit the kids down and let them know you like them, you're happy to see them, but you need to set some ground rules. Then lay out the rules and stick to them. Good luck!

[lilmermaid]

I wouldn't let them in my house or feel the need to take care of them or feed them! Sorry I guess I'm to worried that they could say something about me and I would get in trouble. To me it's not appropriate to have them in your home without face to face contact with the parent. In this day and age you need to protect yourself. They could easily say you were abusing them even though your not. IMO you are opening yourself up to a bad situation even though I know it's not your intention. It's not your job to make sure they aren't wandering around the apartment, etc.
I would only play with them outside like Sharon suggested until you meet the parent.

[irish]

I'm with Lil on this one. I understand your maternal instinctive to take care of them, and making sure they're protected, but in this day and age it could more than likely come back to bite you hard! I think you should meet the parents asap, and become acquainted with them at the very least..