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Post by sharon on Oct 4, 2012 16:29:54 GMT -6
An upsetting incident happened to Ian, and by association to me, while getting groceries after school. Ian was wearing his Vote No shirt and a woman approached him in the store as I was selecting produce and said very aggressively "I'm voting YES!" as her daughter (about Ian's age) chanted "VOTE YES!" several times. Then they moved down the aisle.
I was pretty shocked and honestly wasn't really sure how to react. I put myself between him and them, with my back to them and leaned really close to him saying honestly, and quietly "Well, that was really rude. I'm not sure what to do." I asked if he wanted a hug and he said no. I weighed my options out loud, working very hard to be super calm and quiet, "I could say something to them, I could give them your letter, or we could walk away. I think we should walk away." Ian nodded. So we continued on with our shopping and as we passed them I said to Ian "Often the best thing to do when someone is rude is to walk away."
We finished our shopping (we were almost done) and headed to the check out lane. They also were checking out a few lanes down. Ian stared at them and I asked him, quietly, to please not stare and to stay close to me. "Why?" he asked. I answered, "Just to be safe. I don't want to give them another chance to be mean to you."
As we left the store we passed them, coming back in to return their cart. Ian sort of froze for a second like he didn't know what to do. I said, taking his hand, and urging him to keep walking "Just be polite, because that's how we are in our family," and we walked by them.
Ian said, "Why would someone be mean to a kid in a store?" and we talked again about some of the reasons people are mean to each other sometimes - "sometimes they are misinformed, sometimes they are unhappy with themselves or their life and are trying to make themselves feel better, sometimes they are frightened of someone or something they don't understand." I have said that so many times since May, too many to count.
I told Ian it was not OK what they did, and it made me sad. I said that I was sad that this happened to us, but that I was more sad for the little girl. "How will she learn to be kind?" I asked rhetorically. Ian said, really calmly, "I could teach her, if I had the chance."
I asked him one more time on the way home if he is OK and he says he is. I'm dropping it now because I don't want to make it worse or amplify it in any way. He's not generally one to hide his feelings, so I'm hoping he'll let us know if he is bothered by it.
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Post by bunsy on Oct 4, 2012 16:38:45 GMT -6
How very sad! I find it hard to believe that basic human kindness is so absent sometimes.
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Post by ballerinamomma on Oct 4, 2012 17:23:30 GMT -6
So very sad. I think you handled it very well. I'm sorry you were both treated so badly.
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Post by jrose on Oct 4, 2012 17:57:00 GMT -6
That's so sad that people think they need to act that way! I'm so sorry you had to deal with that
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Post by ladyandrearose on Oct 4, 2012 18:20:01 GMT -6
Sharon, I'm sorry you and Ian had to experience that. Just because someone's opinion/stance is different, there is absolutely no reason to be that rude! ((Hugs))
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Post by dara1012 on Oct 4, 2012 18:28:37 GMT -6
I am so sorry to hear about this situation. I cannot believe that a grown person would go up to a young child and say "I'm voting yes". yes, he was wearing a "vote no" shirt, but he's just a kid, if she wanted to have a discussion about it, it should have been with his parent. However, it doesn't sound like she wanted an appropriate adult discussion on the topic.
You have a very special little boy. I love that he said he could teach the little girl to be kind if he had a chance. You and your wife should be very proud of him and your parenting.
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Post by sharon on Oct 4, 2012 18:33:24 GMT -6
I really think I was more upset than he was. And I tried to fake it really well and act like I was fine. Having a good cry now that Ian is in bed.
Their intent was not to discuss. I would have been glad to discuss with them how this amendment helps no one. I would have given them a copy of Ian's letter, of which was always carry a few. Their intent was to bully a child. It's open season on GLBT families and our allies, after all.
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Post by angel22 on Oct 4, 2012 18:41:04 GMT -6
Oh honey, I was so sad to read this! You handled it very well and in the best way you could at the time given the circumstances. (((HUGS))) to you all!
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Post by cakemakermom on Oct 4, 2012 18:49:21 GMT -6
She'll never understand the love you have when she doesn't know how to pick her battles with her equals and instead goes at children. I hope that you know you're surrounded by people that love you!
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Post by sharon on Oct 4, 2012 19:07:21 GMT -6
Thank you. That's really sweet. I'm bracing myself for Nov 7th. The bullies may very well win this one.
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Post by dara1012 on Oct 4, 2012 19:52:45 GMT -6
I sure hope not....I am supporting "Vote No" with my voice (in written and spoken words) & my money and wear my "vote No" t-shirt often. Whatever the outcome remember that there are millions supporting families like yours.
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Post by sharon on Oct 4, 2012 19:57:55 GMT -6
Thank you. I do remember that.
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Post by sarahisis on Oct 4, 2012 20:13:33 GMT -6
The world would be a better place without people like that! Makes me so sad... the ignorance and childlike behavior.
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Post by bumblebee23 on Oct 5, 2012 11:45:36 GMT -6
Your right this amendment is only allowing families like yours to get attacked and ridiculed and that is not ever ok. This amendement itself is telling some children to be prejudiced against certain people/families. It is disgusting and I will for sure be voting NO!
(((Hugs))) to you and Ian!
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Post by sharon on Oct 5, 2012 12:12:03 GMT -6
Thank you. Ian was struggling with it some more this morning and talking about how mean it was. I'm glad he hasn't made any generalizations. We've worked SO HARD to try to develop in him empathy for people working to pass the amendment why they might chose to work against couples and families instead of for them. And then this is the one direct encounter he has with someone who is, other than the people who shouted at us at the Fair, but even that was much less "in our face" - literally.
We hope to all wear our shirts out and about soon and also go back to the co-op really soon. I don't want him to be afraid and want to work to get past it if there is any residual fear.
In the end, I'm really working on knowing that we will all be fine no matter what. It might pass, but our marriage, family and child are all important too, and we know that, even if people demean us in the short term.
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