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Post by quirky22 on Oct 12, 2012 20:06:21 GMT -6
DH and I decided that we need to tell our parents that we are expecting again. I'm 6 weeks 1 day along, but MIL will be purchasing airline tickets next month for Christmas Gifts for our family. (Vacation for March.) Well, I'll be about 6 months along around the time we would travel to FL. Since airfair is non refundable, we want to tell her before she buys tickets. Makes sense right? Well, here is where the nerves come in....
She WILL freak out when we tell her we are expecting. (she does NOT want us to have another baby) because children are expensive. Obviously we would not have another baby if we were going to be struggling.... BUT can you EVER really afford children?!!
She has made it NO secret that we shouldn't have another, and truth be told, when we got pregnant with DD, she told us we ruined our lives, and blah blah blah. (I was 25 and DH was 37!!!!) (DD was not planned) This baby WAS planned. Because we wanted another. We raise them, we pay for them....that makes it OUR choice right?!
Right now, she pays for DD to attend Pre-k, BUT it was HER offer, we did not ask her to pay for it. So, I know she's going to be upset, and she's probably going to say some things that hurt our feelings, and that she might regret....but how do I prepare myself for this. We have a close relationship, and I'm worried that when we tell her, that will change....but We can't make our life decisions around what our parents think....we are adults after all......
any advice?
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Post by deannemdm on Oct 12, 2012 20:42:32 GMT -6
Look at your own quotes at the bottom of your post. You can safely fly (I did at 7.5 months) with doctor's OK so what would happen if you don't tell her? Obviously you would be showing, if you don't want remarks, tell her you put on some wait and later when she finds out you were pregnant yoy could tell her why you did not want to tell her-- you didn't want to deal with her less than enthusiatic response, didn't want to jinx things, etc.
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Post by ballerinamomma on Oct 12, 2012 21:34:16 GMT -6
You wanted this baby, as did your DH. This baby is a blessing! It shouldn't matter what any one else thinks. I would tell her from the beginning, "you may not be happy, but we are thrilled to be expecting this baby. If you have negative things to say, please keep them to yourselves. We hope you can be as happy as we are!" I'm sure she loves DD, even though she was angry when you told her you were pregnant then! I'm sure she will come around, and until them, don't let anyone steal your joy from you!
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Post by doeeyedgirl on Oct 13, 2012 12:10:58 GMT -6
I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. It really stinks that you have to have anxiety over something so blessed and special. I guess I would start it off like this, "We know that you care and are concerned about our happiness in life. We would like to share with you something that makes us very happy, we're pregnant." and if she starts to say negative things, then just cut her off. Don't allow her to. Explain what you said in the last few sentences of your original post and leave it at that. Or just say the old verbiage "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say nothing at all" Hang in there and I hope it goes ok for you guys.
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Post by ReneeW on Oct 13, 2012 14:17:09 GMT -6
I think the above comments are good ones. I agree that you don't have to tell her now. But if you do, just preface it by saying (actually your DH should be the main voice because it's his mom) that you two are delighted by this wonderful blessing, and to ask her to not say anything in response if it's going to be negative.
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Post by bumblebee23 on Oct 15, 2012 7:31:12 GMT -6
If she wants to attack you just tell her bluntly it's none of her damn business weather you have another child or not. That you hope she wants to be a great grandparent but you will not tolerate her bad mouthing you or your choices.
My MIL said something similar to my DH when we got pg with DS1. He told her and she basically told him he was ruining his life. Granted we were 18 and 20yo when we got pg but still we could have used some support and she was not really involved in his life much at the time. My grandmother even yelled at me and said basically the same thing and asked me how I was going to go back to school. I guess my payback was proving them all wrong. Because when DS1 was almost 2 I had my second son. I was working and going to school and came with .02 away from graduating with honors for my LAA diploma. We have worked so hard we have now bought our own home and gotten married. That is my payback.
You don't have to listen to anyone bad mouthing you and your family. I hate it when people act like that. If they can't say anything nice they really should just keep their mouths shut. It is your life your living not theres.
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Post by bumblebee23 on Oct 15, 2012 7:31:54 GMT -6
P.S. the longer you wait the harder it will get and the more you will agonize over it. I say just get it over with. Rip off the bandaide.
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Post by quirky22 on Nov 9, 2012 16:06:20 GMT -6
well, we still haven't said anything. Basically everyone knows but her. when we told SIL, I told her, "we haven't told your mom yet." Her response was- "she knows. she emailed me 2 weeks ago, and asked if I thought you were pregnant." At the time, SIL didn't know. I want to tell her, since I've been telling DH to do it. And he hasn't.
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Post by laurac on Nov 9, 2012 16:10:17 GMT -6
I honestly don't know what you're afraid of. You're an adult. Just tell her.
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Post by bumblebee23 on Nov 9, 2012 17:20:27 GMT -6
I whole heartedly agree with LC
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Post by irish on Nov 9, 2012 23:01:53 GMT -6
What LC said.
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Post by momof3anddog on Nov 10, 2012 8:01:32 GMT -6
Moms like to know these things -- Even if they don't emotionally respond in a way that we would like them to do. I guarantee that if you delay telling her any longer -- you are going to guarantee that she is going to respond negatively -- as EVERYONE knows but her. Wouldn't that make you feel awful/humiliate her, if you were her, and kinda guarantee you might say something you regret as you are hurt/confused by your own son and daughter-in-law's action of not telling you Not right, but what people do when hurt and trying to make sense of something that they don't wish for you (at the time).
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Post by supermommy on Nov 12, 2012 13:28:10 GMT -6
I think the issue is really that Vanessa needs to be prepared mentally and emotionally for the reaction, not that she ever cared how mil would act. I was the same with my in laws, I could care less what they think but none the less...words hurt, people not supporting you, hurts so I had to prepare for that.
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Post by quirky22 on Nov 12, 2012 15:32:53 GMT -6
Thanks super mommy.
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Post by quirky22 on Nov 15, 2012 14:12:08 GMT -6
Update #2-MIL has been messaging me via FB all day, about one thing or another. Her final Message was asking if something was wrong because I seemed distant. This is my response to her
Nothing is wrong, the reason we have been distant is because we have BIG NEWS. We're pregnant. I'm 11 weeks along, and we wanted to wait further along in the pregnancy to share the news. We're really excited and we hope you and bob will be too. I've mentioned to Jamey the last few nights that we should call you, but he's been working a lot.....we spoke about it on his lunch break today, and he said that he wanted to tell you at thanksgiving, but I am showing a little. I have been to the doctors already, and everything is good so far.
I feel a little relief with the news being out- I haven't gotten a response.....will you update you all.....
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