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Post by doeeyedgirl on Oct 16, 2012 7:29:15 GMT -6
As some of you may know, I have been having some disagreements with DH about MIL and having another baby. He informed me last night (via text) that he no longer wants to be married to me, that he wants a baby more. Part of me thought this would pass. Part of me thinks MIL may be behind this. But he continued to go on about how he wants his ring back (my wedding ring) and that he wants me to start making plans to move out, sooner than later. I'm trying to remain as emotionally detached from this that I can, for my boys and so that I can work. I don't have much for remaining days off this year and can't afford to take an unpaid day. I'm not sure where things will go from here. I'm not sure how fast to just pick up and move on. I'm not sure how DS1's dad is going to feel because I am yet again picking up and moving (granted it will be back to the home that I bought and we've already lived there, but it's another change) I'm not sure of a lot of things. I guess I just wanted to let you ladies know, because virtual or real, you have been my rock for many times now.
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Post by laurac on Oct 16, 2012 7:33:41 GMT -6
Oh my goodness. Cyndy I'm so sorry. Okay, first, via text? what are we 15? Your hubby needs to man up and sit down and talk to his wife like a big boy. Does this come totally out of left field for you? Were you expecting this? I know you don't want to take time off right now, but you need to be home and sit down with him while your kids are at school and talk this out. IDK about your feelings about a baby, I thought you guys were talking about it. And really? This decision shouldn't have anything to do with your MIL. {{Big hugs}} from LC. We're right here for you.
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Post by doeeyedgirl on Oct 16, 2012 7:40:40 GMT -6
His excuse was that he works nights and he can't talk to me during the week any other way, so that's why he did it via text. I know that we had a lot of disagreements lately, but we usually worked through the thick of it. He knew when we got married that I was on the fence about having another child. We had talked about it and for a while, we were trying. But the more that time went on, I knew it wasn't the right thing. My kids are grown past the baby stage and I don't want to do it again (the finances, the sleepless nights, the spit up and diapers and potty training....I know it's rewarding, but I've done it twice, I don't want to again). When I told him last night that I wanted to sell the changing table I had because we could use the money and it was taking up space, it esculated. Which turned in to him saying that he wants to be a father and if I couldn't give that to him then we needed to go in different directions. After he said that, he just got cold about it and started saying that he wanted his ring and I needed to move out.
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Post by jlschlangen on Oct 16, 2012 7:40:58 GMT -6
Cyndy I am sorry to hear this. Good luck to you. You both need to talk. Best wishes to you. Take care of you.
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Post by laurac on Oct 16, 2012 7:44:35 GMT -6
Wow. Well, if that's a deal breaker then what do you do? I mean, that might have been nice to know a year ago, but maybe he didn't know that either. I'm so sorry.
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Post by bumblebee23 on Oct 16, 2012 7:51:04 GMT -6
Wow I agree with LC as usual. Is he 15? By text? How disgusting is that. Sounds to me like he knew you where on the fence but was convinced he could change your mind. I'm sorry but from what you have been telling us your husband and MIL are bullies. Sounds like if you don't bend to there will they make your life miserable or disown you altogether.....is that really a family you want to be a part of?
I know this is hard and I am soooo sorry you are having to go through this. Some people are just not good people. I would worry to much about what DS1's dad says. If you do end up having to move out and make changes it's not anything that you can help and even if he does get upset he will get over it. You need to focus on you and your boys right now. ((((((HUGS)))))
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Post by lilmermaid on Oct 16, 2012 8:03:49 GMT -6
I'm with LC too! Since when do they get the ring back?!?! If you are married you keep that ring! HUGS!!!!!!!!!
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Post by merrr on Oct 16, 2012 8:29:44 GMT -6
O. M. G. No additional wise words - LC really hit the nail on the head, AGAIN Just hugs and prayers for you as you transition <3
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Post by dara1012 on Oct 16, 2012 8:43:13 GMT -6
Cyndy - so sorry to hear this. I agree with what LC said. Deciding to be down with a marriage or any serious conversation needs to be done in person and not by text. Before you both make any definite decisions you need to find a time to sit down and talk when the boys aren't around. Words said (or texted in this case) out of anger should not determine life situations. I wish you the best in this difficult time. We are always here for you.
In terms of wanting to be a dad, this is a really hard one. For some people they need to be biological dads, for others they are fine with being a step-father. This may be a make or break deal, but I hope you can come to some mutual decision that can feel right for both of you.
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Post by jrose on Oct 16, 2012 8:52:53 GMT -6
I have no advice only virtual hugs! Hang in there!
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Post by sarahisis on Oct 16, 2012 9:54:42 GMT -6
I'm in agreement... a real face to face talk is needed before any serious decision is made. When emotions run high, people say things... I think most of us have had some of those moments in our marriages! Just keep being the great mom you are... I'll be thinkin bout ya and I'm here if ya need me! lots of hugs
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Post by apryllraye87 on Oct 16, 2012 9:55:44 GMT -6
I don't have any advice Cyndy but I'm so sorry you are going through this. If you ever need to get out and talk or grab some coffee let me know!
((((HUGS))))
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Post by ladyandrearose on Oct 16, 2012 13:59:49 GMT -6
I'm sorry that you have to endure this. Hugs and prayers to you.
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Post by ballerinamomma on Oct 16, 2012 14:50:47 GMT -6
Prayers hun!! If you ever want to talk or text, message me and ill give you my cell number. I'm always around!! I wish I could help more but unfortunately I haven't been able to convince DH to move to Minnesota yet!! Prayers for you! You will get through this!
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Post by sharon on Oct 16, 2012 15:48:33 GMT -6
Oh, sweetie! I'm so sorry!
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