Request for No Christmas Gifts

[dara1012]

DH's stepmom sent an email to plan our family Christmas celebration with her two sons, their wives/SO, and kids and requested that we exchange no gifts except for DS and DH's stepbrother's girlfriend's son (kind of a complicated family - what I've typed is the simplified version).

Anyway, she said in the email she just wants all of us together for Christmas to eat, drink, play games and be together, which is wonderful and simplifies the holiday craziness----but, DH, DS and I took photos this summer and were planning to give those as Christmas gifts and each year I make a calendar of pics for each set of grandparents.

If you were me would you honor their wish for no gifts (she even said no pictures)? Or would you do the picture gifts and tell her they are for "New Years" or a pre-payment on babysitting?

I don't want to her to be upset, but also want to treat all sets of grandparents equally.

[quirky22]

I think it would be ok, and go ahead with your plan. Just explain to her (them) later that you had already planned it, ect.....

[momof3anddog]

I'd probably honor it. If she is saying that in e-mail and even said no pictures, I'd probably honor it. I'd maybe talk toher and tell her what you were planning on doing before the e-mail came out, and see if they'd like it anyway for a birthday present or some other gift or the pre-payment for babysitting,etc.. I'd just be concerned that if you did do it, and it was someting that everyone perceived as spending a lot of time or money to do (like taking the pictures, getting them cropped, printed out and framed (that costs a lot sometimes to do it the way you want to do it, even with a Michael's Craft Store 50% off coupon), the rest of the family would feel funny or kinda bad that they didn't do anything. The thoughtfulness of what you did might get lost. But that is just me my opinion. What does your husband think?

[sharon]

I would honor it. If you really want them to have the pictures, then give or send them at a different time. And then I would just ask her directly about the calendar and let her know you were planning on doing that for all grandparents and would it be OK to still make her one.

[lilmermaid]

I would honor it and give them at another time.

[bunsy]

I would give the pics and calendar "just because" at a different occasion and just tell them it isn't a gift...just a family picture.

[laurac]

What Bunsy said. I've been on the end where I've honored it and the other sibling has not and I feel like a heel because I don't have anything but they do.
Just give it at a different time.

[dara1012]

Thanks for all your feedback.....I certainly don't want to be the person who makes others feel bad for honoring a request for no gifts and I also don't want this set of grandparents to feel slighted.

I think I will try to get pictures and calendar ready by mid-November so I can give it to them as a "Thanks for being a great grandparent" gift (I think they are watching DS overnight on the 17th) . DH's dad and stepmom watch DS on a regular basis (they only live 20 min away and the rest of his grandparents are 1 hr to 3 hrs away). Now I just need to bug DH to edit the pictures in time (I've been asking him to do that since they were taken in Aug).

[bumblebee23]

I would probably do as she asked. Maybe she is worried because money is tight for them and they don't have money to spend on gifts for people so she just simply asked that no gifts be exchanged instead of having to admit they are having trouble financially.

We only buy gifts for the kids in the family and do a white elephant type of thing. Maybe you could start making the calendars a little earlier and give them out in September (granparents day) to be put away until the new year.

[bunsy]

I don't consider pics "gifts" unless in an obviously expensive format or frame. I wouldn't feel bad if someone brought kid pics to a no gift affair. Stirring the pot is always best avoided though.

[healerarina]

We had a similar issue a few years ago, and it was determined that most people wanted to get a gift for the grandparents, and got them gifts anyway. I say Have DH give it to his dad, who will argue with giving you dad a Christmas gift.

[dara1012]

Oct 26, 2012 8:35:59 GMT -6 bumblebee23 said:

I would probably do as she asked. Maybe she is worried because money is tight for them and they don't have money to spend on gifts for people so she just simply asked that no gifts be exchanged instead of having to admit they are having trouble financially.

Bumblebee- DH's dad and stepmom are both doing fine financially (no job changes, they both work as supervisors for large corporations) and recently just gave me money for my birthday and paid for our hotel room for an out of town family event. But, DH's stepbrother might be struggling more financially, I just don't know. DH's stepmom usually goes way overboard on gifts so I am thinking this is her way of cutting down on time spent shopping, wrapping, etc. I would not be surprised if they still gave us cash (usually we get 2-3 gifts and cash from them). We are okay financially but cutting down on gifts to buy will certainly help.