Tell Me A Joke

[sharon]

So much serious stuff going on. Share a joke that will make us all laugh!

[cakemakermom]

Two men walk into a bar.


The third one ducks.

[deannemdm]

why did the carrot blush?

He saw the salad dressing!




What do birthdays, anniversaries, and toilets have in commom?





Men always miss them!

[ReneeW]

Why was six afraid of seven?


'Cause seven eight nine.

[AuntSueto4]

What did the elphant do when he hurt his toe and couldn't walk?



He called the tow truck! (toe/tow)


as told to me by my oldest nephew when he was about 8 or 9 years old. ;D

[sharon]

These are awesome! Thank you!

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What is the difference between Iowa and Yogurt?

Yogurt has active cultures.
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One of Ian's favorites:
What do gnomes do after school?

Gnomework

[dara1012]

DS's favorite (4 yo)

How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a little boogie in it!

[cakemakermom]

A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!

[cakemakermom]

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they agree to hold a contest with God as the judge.

They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up the screen.

Seconds before the end, a bolt of lightning struck taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with.

Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out."

"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."

Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.

Satan is astonished. He stutters, "But how?! I lost everything, yet
Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?!"

God chuckles, "Jesus saves."

[sharon]

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide

[irish]

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, “Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but we are a little puzzled. We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is - why would you bother to borrow $5,000?” The blond replies…..”Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”

[cakemakermom]

A policeman was taking a vandalism report at an elementary school when he was interrupted by a six year old girl. She looked up and down at his uniform and asked, "Are you a policeman?"

"Yes, I am," he said.

"My mother told me that if I ever needed help I should ask a policeman. Is that right," the girl asked.

"Yes it is," said the policeman.

The girl extended her foot to the policeman and said, "OK, then, would you tie my shoe?"

[sarahisis]

what did the ox say to his son when he left for college??



Bison!

[cakemakermom]

Newton's First Law of Motion: A body in motion will remain in motion. A body at rest will stay under a down comforter until forced to move.