Visiting at Christmas

[sharon]

We are going to visit my in-laws at Christmas for the first time in Ian's life this year. It was initiated by him, mostly, asking if we could. We had talked the last couple of years about it as a possibility, now that he is old enough to a) not be confused by it and b)not spill the beans about Santa to his cousins who still believe.

Anyway, this year he expressed an interest in going, which was a prerequisite for me. He sometimes has had an attitude problem about Christmas and I was not going to take him if he was not going to be in the right frame of mind. But we did some role plays and talked through some "what do you say when?" scenarios. He was mostly able to figure out what to say without guidance. I'm really proud of him for wanting to go and think it will be a lovely thing to be there as that part of the family celebrates something so important to them.

[irish]

Go Ian! Such a remarkable young man Hope you all have a lovely holiday and enjoy the family time!

[ReneeW]

Awesome. I think you'll have a great time--even if it's not "your" holiday it's fun to have that experience. Good for you for role playing ahead of time and prepping him so that he's confident in how to respond to potential situations!

My DH's best childhood friend is Jewish, and in high school he really enjoyed getting to participate in a lot of the traditions, joining them for Seder etc. and just having that experience. So I think it'll be good for Ian to have a view of the whole "Christmas tradition" and see what the other side of the family does.

[angel22]

I'm glad for you. I think this will be a wonderful experience for everyone. Even if it turns out to not be "easy" every moment, it'll still be worthwhile. Good for you! =)

[sharon]

I think it will be great too! My MIL (and my FIL to a lesser extent) have come here to share our holidays with us, and I'm glad we will do the same. I think there is a lot to be gained by being there for someone else's celebration and honoring their traditions. At the same time I'm glad we waited until he was old enough.

My MIL asked if that meant he gets double presents. NO! I told her I was really clear about that with him b/c I didn't want him to go just for that. I think he more just wants to hang out with everyone and have cousin/aunt/uncle/grandparent/great-grandparent time, which is a GOOD reason.

I did ask him if he wanted to go to church with them too and he said very quickly and clearly no. I told him that was fine but that someday maybe he would be interested and then we would. And that maybe a regular Sunday might be better the first time anyway. I told him that grandma came to synagogue with us before - it was before he was born so he didn't remember that.

My biggest fear remains what it has always been - that he will spill the beans about Santa. But he's done great with that the last couple of years, even with some very direct questioning from a cousin. And we'll practice again as it gets closer.

The only role play that stumped him was what do you say when someone says "Merry Christmas." I was glad we went over that one!

[sharon]

The visit went well! Ian did not spill the beans and seemed to cope well with being asked over and over what Santa brought him. It was really good to see everyone, and I even got the traditional Jewish Chinese-food-on-Christmas for dinner. Yum.

Ian said it wasn't what he expected, but he also didn't really know how to explain in what way that was true. He helped my MIL decorate her tree and make cookies. It was really nice.

[sarahisis]

So glad the visit was a success!!!

[merrr]

Fabulous!

[sharon]

Oh and I wanted to add -

They had a present for each of us under the tree, but wrapped in Chanukah paper. I SO love my in-laws. So sweet.

[bunsy]

Sounds fabulous. Glad it went smoothly.

[bumblebee23]

Glad you had a nice time. And how sweet and thoughtful with the presents!

[dara1012]

Glad you had a good time and nice that your in-laws had gifts in Chanukah paper, very thoughtful.

DS goes to a YMCA pre-K program and he has one friend there who is Jewish and his friend's mom came in one morning to talk about Chanukah. I saw her at drop off one day and thanked her for her efforts. Then on our way to my parents house for Christmas we had a good family conversation about DS's friend being Jewish and also that people celebrate Christmas differently. I always think it is good to learn about different religions and cultures. Glad that Ian got to learn a bit about your in-laws traditions around Christmas.

[sharon]

I agree and am really glad he gets to learn about various religions/ethnicities/traditions too. It especially came in handy to have had such positive associations with the Christian religion when he had a couple of negative experiences. I was SO glad I could point out to him all the people he loves and who are good, kind, honest,people who are Christian.

And he is sometimes VERY negative about Christmas - which I get - it can feel very intrusive this time of year, but at the same time, it's so important to me that he have the perspective of how important a holiday it is to people he loves.

One pet peeve - (please) make sure your DS knows about the important holidays too and that Chanukah is not one of them. People tend to focus so much on that one minor holiday b/c it comes near Christmas. It makes me a bit crazy when parents are invited in to talk about Chanukah but not our big holidays.

[dara1012]

Dec 27, 2012 16:31:57 GMT -6 sharon said:

One pet peeve - (please) make sure your DS knows about the important holidays too and that Chanukah is not one of them. People tend to focus so much on that one minor holiday b/c it comes near Christmas. It makes me a bit crazy when parents are invited in to talk about Chanukah but not our big holidays.

Yes, we definitely talk about different cultures/religions and I told him when his friend's mom came to talk about Chanukah that it wasn't as big a holiday for Jewish people as Christmas is for Christians. And that there are Jewish holidays that are as big and important as Christmas, but they happen at different times. He's 4 so we didn't get much deeper than that. I am mostly focusing on having him acknowledge and understand that there are different religions and that it is okay for people to believe in different things.

DS's school has been learning about different countries and cultures (so far China, Germany and starting next month Japan), but they don't do too much regarding religion. This month they actually didn't do much about Christmas, but I did appreciate that they asked what (if anything) families celebrate in December so they could try to incorporate different learning as our culture is very inundated with Christmas.

[sharon]

Thank you