How long until it won't hurt anymore?

[doeeyedgirl]

I'm so sorry, Apryll. When BD and I broke up a quite a few years ago (before DH), I had my moments of strength and moments of weakness, too. The holidays definitely don't help. Try to surround yourself with happy people and try to forget. Yes, there were good times with you and BD, but you have to remember the bad outweighed the good (which I know you do.)
It will get easier. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there, girl! We are here for you!

[dara1012]

Hugs to you Apryll!

Not having been through your situation I don't have words of advice on when it will stop hurting, but I have watched my brother go through a divorce and he had a really tough time emotionally for about 9 months, then he came to a point of acceptance (she asked for the divorce and refused counseling to try to make it work). I think what helped him was distancing himself from mutual friends and focusing on his friends, he started running and this was a stress reliever for him. At first he drank way too much and cried a lot (which was super hard to watch as his big sister who wanted nothing more than to protect him) --- I even spent the night at his house a few times to make sure he was okay. If you have someone you trust that can be there for you to call, come over, etc. Lean on them, they want to be there for you.

If I were you I would try to limit interactions with him at this point to only about DS and not in social settings. This may mean being clear with your friends that you don't want him around at social gatherings and/or reaching out to potential new friendships. My brother starting to go out more with co-workers to avoid the mutual friend thing. IMO seeing him in social settings will only make the break up harder. Maybe eventually you can be friends, but now is not the time.

We are here for you.

[momof3anddog]

It will take longer than you want it to take. You had a signficant relationship with this man, he is the father of your child. Just because something isn't good, doesn't mean that all of what you did love about the person or the relationship goes away. If it did go away that easily, we'd all stay away from relationships that were not "right" for us and leave them much more quickly. The holidays are particularly hard, because you have an infinite number of easy messages that everyone can get along well and it isn't that hard (facebook family photos with everybody smiling, X-mas cards with same type of pictures and a letter telling about all the good stuff that has happened, or how the family "triumphed" through whatever, Cheesy Holiday Movies that always have twists and turns that end up happy. But real life isn't like that. Real life is hard, it goes slower than we'd like and is a little to a lot more negative than we'd like sometimes and sometimes it feels like that all the time. I think that if you were 4 months post break-up and it was this time of year and you were walking around feeling like everything was perfect and much better than it was 4 months ago on the day you ended your relationship, EVERY DAY right now, you'd probably not be dealing well. This is your new normal. But just for the moment. I promise you that will change. The days like today, where were you feel like "what did I do?" and why did I do this (even though you know in your heart-of-hearts why you are no longer together), are going to be fewer and father between as time goes on. They will. I promise you, they will. From all of us who have ended long-term relationships and not quickly gone back to them in moment of weakness (The holidays are the SEASON of weakness for many people by the way), AND have not replaced them with someone new right away that has new sometmes worse problems for us, it will get better. Just not this morning, probably later today. Probably tomorrow. You are being very normal right now to feel the way you do and have highs and lows that just irritate you and make you cry. Sorry that it is one of those days for you today.... truly I am.

[irish]

(((hugs))) I can only imagine how difficult it must be. Just remember how far you have come and strong you are. You WILL get through this! Hang in there sweetie!

[doeeyedgirl]

I have to say that I agree with Debbie (dara), too. The best thing that I did was remove myself from the situations that would remind me of him or allow the possibilities of running into him outside of DS. I know that requesting friends to not have him around is difficult, but it also helps you to realize who is your true friend and who isn't. I lost a lot of 'friends' during those times, but I have found ones that are a million times better (like you ladies) in the process. It certainly made things easier and helped immensely in the process of growing stronger and moving on.

[ReneeW]

Vent away. Vent away!!!

That's what we're here for. It's tough when you feel like your friends don't want to hear more about it. But it takes a long time to emotionally just wade through all of that JUNK. The questions are totally normal and should be expected (the "why wasn't I enough?" stuff) but you have to remember, it's not that YOU aren't enough but that for whatever reason, your ex just couldn't be the man you needed him to be, for whatever reason. It didn't work then and it wasn't changing so you had to do what you had to do. And it will take a lot of time to heal from that.

I think your ex is making a HUGE mistake by jumping into a new relationship. Dr. Joy Browne on the radio (I love that woman's advice) always says to give yourself a FULL YEAR before getting into a new real relationship. Not that you can't flirt and have fun, but that people need a full year so that when they DO meet someone new, they're fully healed and ready to be in that new relationship.

Anyway -- vent when you need to. And be patient with yourself, give yourself the gift of time and healing. (HUGS)

[lilmermaid]

I don't have any advice but wanted to send you a HUG!

[nevaehsmom327]

You're right Apryll. The most important thing about having a relationship with anyone, is to first have one with yourself that is loving, caring and kind. If you master that, finding a mate will be easy-peasy when it comes to knowing what's best for YOU.

Just keep chuggin though. It does suck. It's hard missing someone and not being able to hold them. Cuddle them. Kiss them. But just know that 1. there are plenty of fish in the sea 2. you deserve someone GREAT and 3. as long as you're "single" you have plenty of mom friends to support you and tell you how beautiful you're doing!

<3

[nevaehsmom327]

Well, even if you're not single, we'll always be here to support you

[quirky22]

I don't think you'll ever 100% be over him. With history you share, as well as DS, there will ALWAYS be love between you.....that being said, it will get easier, and feel free to talk to us anytime. I've never ended a relationship with someone I had a child with, but my "first love" and I broke up after 2 years of dating, I still think of him sometimes, even though I've been with DH for 11 years, with a DD and a baby on the way.....Hang in there, be strong....we're here for you!

[ballerinamomma]

Hugs Apryll! Thinking of you!