Many people have been asking how we are doing, and I’m sure many others are wondering the same and may be afraid to ask. So, I wanted to give a family update to everyone.
I'll first start off with this, we did find out the cause of death. And as we expected, it was Sudden Unexplained Infant Death (SUID). While we're glad she wasn't in pain, and didn't have some horrible disease, it is still hard because it is just "unexplained".
As any grieving family, we are of course still going through the motions of trying to live our “everyday lives”. There are good days, there are bad days, and there are REALLY bad days. As a family, we each try to lift each other up and hold each other tightly through those bad days, and even through the good ones. It is a daily, sometimes hourly, and sometimes minute by minute battle for each and every one of us.
Lily – She’s still very young and isn’t able to express emotion with words, but we can feel it through her actions that she misses Ariella. She sees pictures and gets very excited. She sees her things and gets very excited. It is nice to see the joy that Ari brings her, even though she is gone. It may be years before she’s able to truly understand what happened, and be able to heal from that. For her I just ask for prayer that she continues to bring us joy with her laughter, her love, and that she just be healed. I don’t ask that she understands, but just that she becomes a piece of our family that stands strong through this for all the hard years to come.
Nevaeh – This girl surprises me every single day. Her strength, her love, her willingness to just continue to be a child and not grow up so fast. She truly loved Ari. She loved her soooooo so much and is the BEST biggest sister I could have ever imagined. I believe she is going through the grief stages as any person would, and is still just finding it hard to believe that her baby sister is gone. She thought she would be coming back at some point, and I had to explain to her that she is in heaven and will not be returning to us, we can only go to her. She is very resilient though. The smile and laughter of her and Lily bring Steve and I great joy and love in our hearts. For her I ask for prayers of strength and understanding. That she not question God and just accepts in her heart that Ari is in heaven. I also ask for prayers of guidance for her, as well as prayers to be a strong big sister for Lily, and any other siblings to come.
Steve – As my husband, I’m kind of surprised each day how much strength he gives me. He’s a very different person and is having very different reactions than he did that tragic day. Although he hurts, very very much, he stands strong for us all. He is the keeper of our hearts, and continues to help us grow daily. I see the joy that Ari brought him, and the pain he has that she’s gone. But, he also looks very forward to having another child, or children, not to replace her at all, but to continue to give love and joy to our children, as well as to complete our dream of having a child of our own. Without Steve, being strong would be a challenge. Being strong would be almost impossible. Without Steve, I’m not sure we would make it through this. We are so blessed to have such a big rock in our home. For Steve, I ask for prayers of continued, never ending strength. Also for understanding, and that the “stages of grief” are gone through quickly, so that we may be at a greater peace with what has happened. I also ask for prayers for him to continue to be a leader in our home for the kingdom of God. To continue to really exemplify how to become greater children for him here on Earth.
And myself – As I said before, it is a daily battle. I miss my baby. I miss her face, her toes, her tongue, her eyes, her nose, her bellybutton, everything. I think all the time about what we won’t have with her, growing up and seeing her walk, talk, play hockey, go to school, get married, etc. It hurts. But at the same time, I know that one day, we will see her again, and get to experience all those things in a way we could never imagine. I still find myself trying to rationalize why it happened, and asking why, but then having to stop myself mid thought and just say “God has his reason, you won’t know until you get to heaven.” The pain is heart wrenching sometimes, and others it is somewhat subsided. I still struggle with the daily tasks, cleaning, cooking, breathing, etc. It’s just exhausting trying NOT to cry all day. I ask for prayers for continued strength for my girls, and my hubby. That through this I see the direction God has for our lives. Also that through this situation, our family grow closer, become more humble, and again, find comfort in God’s kingdom, and learn how to really REALLY do his work here on earth.
I just want to say Thank You. To everyone. For your love, support, shoulders to cry on, and for giving us hope in tomorrow.
I found this on a website, and find it to be so true:
How can we get past heart break over the loss of someone or something? We must give the person or situation to the Lord and ask Him to remove the sorrow and grief from our hearts. We can keep the good memories of a lost loved one, but we must not allow the enemy to torment us with the grief of our loss. God will replace the emptiness we feel from the loss of a mate, a child, a friend, or a home, if we ask Him to do this. Jesus died on the cross, not only to give us eternal life, but He also died to take our grief and sorrows. Jesus Christ, on the cross bore all of our iniquities, pain, sickness and sorrow. Since He took them, we do not have to take these things, but rather receive our salvation, healing, deliverance and peace by faith.
Through this situation, not only has our faith been trialed, but it has also been proven. We are so thankful for our faith community, our friends and family. Our lives have dramatically changed over the last 3 years because of finding our faith. We have been so very blessed, and are thankful to God for what he has blessed us with. We thank him for what he has in store for us and we’re happy to share our lives and faith with you as well.
Things we need as a family:
1) Prayer.
2) More Prayer.
3) Lots of Prayer.
Oh, and if you ever feel like cleaning…we’d love to have you over
offers accepted daily.
Again, thank you for your love and support, but most of all prayers through this. We just ask for continued prayers through the holiday season, as this is a hard time of the year with lost loved ones.
Our little girl is truly missed, and always will be. But, she lives in our hearts forever.
Love Always,
The Olson Family
offers accepted daily.
