Ever met a parent you didn't like?

[irish]

I apologize in advance as this is kind of all over the place lol!

So DS's pre-k class is really small (5 kids total), and wouldn't you know it, his best friend in the class has the one parent that I cannot stand out of all the parents!! The parent (he's a stay at home dad) is just obnoxious and rude, and to be honest is a b*tch. He acts like he's the greatest parent ever, and has made tons of snide remarks to me, for example, I was talking about Chuck E Cheese one day, and he made a repulsed face and said "ew, I can't believe you go there, the food is just disgusting!" Obviously we don't go there to eat genius, it's a freaking arcade!!! Earlier in the school year, the kids went on a field trip and as the parents were putting carseats in the van, he made a comment about how DS's carseat is a "cheap carseat". Yes, he went there. He also has sat back and watched his kids play super aggresively and shove other kids (including my own) and never says anything, but if it's the other way around he gets his panties in a wad.

ANYWHO, I have two concerns. First, DS has started to pick up on his friend's aggresive behavior. There's little things here and there that he does that is so unlike him, and is not the type of behavior that we condone. I talked to his teacher about it last week and she had noticed that he has changed a little, I asked her if she thinks that he has picked it up from other kids and in a roundabout way she implied yes. It's really frustrating that DH and I have to "re-teach", if you will, the proper behavior again.

Second, the dad asked if DS could come over for a playdate (by himself) before school next week, and he would take the kids to school. I didn't say yes or no, but I know that he's going to bring it up again. I mentioned it to DH and he flat out said hell no lol. I would offer to come along, but it is so painful to sit there with him and make small talk, and quite frankly I want to minimize the interaction between DS and his friend.

Anyway, sorry for totally rambling on, I apologize if it didn't make much sense...thank you for letting me vent!!

[cissy]

If my kids start acting like another kid they were hanging around I inform them that is not how we do things. Yes the retraining is annoying, I have no advice on making it easy. My 7 yr old and I have talked about some of the stuff, if he says someone is talking when they are not supposed to or pushing we discuss how that is not how we act because he is a good kid and people who do that stuff are not nice. I try to make it an easy conversation so he doesn't get lost in it but you know how that goes with kids.

As the play date, yup just say NO. You can tell him that you do not allow your child to go to other peoples house or you can say you are busy every morning before school, too bad you can not say it straight and tell him you do not like how his kid or him act and you do not want your child around it.

My easiest thing is to say that I do not let my kid go to other peoples houses because of the food allergies and the Epilepsy, I also have trust issues and my kid has only been to one persons house by himself and that is someone he went to preschool with and her mom is a nurse and 2 of the schools and the hospital so she knows what to do with his issues.

If the kid/dad is really begging for a play date just say your house where you can tell the kid how you do and do not act in your house or a McDs or something like that so you are in public and can sit at a different table and not interact with the dad.

[irish]

Thanks for the input Cissy! DS only has playdates/sleepovers with his cousins for now, we're not ready for friend playdates yet!! If he asks again, I'm just gonna tell DH isn't comfortable with it lol...

[angel22]

I talk to my kids about the bad behavior they see or mimic from other kids. I've stopped them playing with "naughty" kids- telling them straight out that I don't like how those kids act and we will not be playing with them. DH completely put the kibosh on our girls playing with some neighbor kids because of the parents. Frankly, if you aren't comfortable with the parent or the kids then don't associate with them. Tell them "No" often enough and they should get the hint. Good luck! =D

[momof3anddog]

I hate parents like that. They are everywhere. There is always one -- who acts like he is "God's gift to the parenting world" and everyone else is below him or her in their parenting efforts. I have gotten so I just walk away from parents that act like that or if they make a comment that is just snide if I am up-to-it and want to potentially deal with the fall-out of whatever like when he made a point of saying your son had an "el cheapo car seat", say something like "And your point is?" or "You are free to contribute to the X family budget if you so feel the need to make some comments like that." Usually shuts the person up on a dime as they know that you don't appreciate their classist/elitist commentary or are so taken off guard by it, that they usually dig themselves into a whole by saying something else to illustrate their point. And then you can say again, "mmmm... and your point is? Or "that is interesting" and walk away quickly. Unless totally dense, they will get the point that they have offended you or are out-of-line in whatever way, and maybe when at their own home, think about it (one can only hope) and not be so difficult the next time you interact. "And your point is??" works in a lot of situations a lot of the time and you don't even have to say a whole lot more. One of my friends who is always direct, cuts to the chase much more quickly than I do, taught me that.

[sarahisis]

Totally have.. and she's a money flaunter. There are always going to be certain parents we don't click with.

[irish]

Thanks for the tip, Momof3! I am such a people pleaser and I hate to ruffle feathers or start bad blood, but at this point I just don't care anymore!

[ReneeW]

Unfortunately this is a common issue!! In the big picture, I discourage these friendships as much as I can without bad mouthing the family to my child. I quietly nix play dates with the problem child and encourage friendships with other kids whose behavior I like instead. Thankfully there are many ways you can say "no" to the play date. Like someone mentioned above, you can say anything from, "Mornings are just too crazy, sorry," to "Sorry, that doesn't work with our schedule," to "We have other plans," etc. Just keep rotating your answers and eventually he'll take the hint.

If you don't mind being direct, when the Problem Dad says rude comments, you can just say, "Wow, I found that comment incredibly rude," "Excuse me??" "I certainly hope I misheard that." "I'll pretend I didn't hear that," etc.

If you want to be subtle, you can just give him "a look" and make no comment, shake your head & just turn your back and walk away. Or you can be 'cheerful and stupid' and say something like, "You're so funny!" and laugh like he made a joke. If you just say, "You're so funny" to anything he says offensive, he can't take offense and start a battle, but he'll be flummoxed because there's nothing he can say to that.

[sharon]

I tell Ian that part of being a good friend is helping his friend with what is hard for him/her. Ian has a friend who has a lot of difficulty with social skills and we talk about how his friend has a really hard time with being polite and being a good friend. I have said that Ian's job in the friendship is to help his friend be better at that, and that if I see it's going the other way, that the friend is instead teaching Ian not to be polite and not to be a good friend, then it's a problem for them to spend time together because the friendship isn't working the way it's supposed to.

Does Rory WANT to have a playdate with the friend? You could compromise and say that you will go somewhere (not your house, not his) with the friend and parent IF Rory is being a good friend. It could be some incentive. Going to a museum or the zoo with them once every couple of months, might be worth it if it helps Rory to try to influence the friend and not the other way around.