where I've been.

[sarahisis]

Hi ladies. I've missed you!

This past week I've been in NY. It was not a planned trip. Last Thursday night I found out that one of my best friends from high school took her life. Saturday morning I packed up the kids and left. The calling hours were Sunday so there was no thinking or processing... just driving.

I still don't think I've processed it yet... that she is never coming back...that she felt there was no one that could help her, that she felt that life was completely hopeless with nothing to live for. I'm having a hard time coming to terms with by she didn't ask for more help...why she didn't want it....

I spoke with my friend three days prior. We made plans to see each other in April (scheduled trip home) so she can finally see my kids. She never let on or gave me any reason to worry. She had a verrrry challenging year but on the outside she seemed to be positive.

Suicide is so tragic... breaks my heart when people feel emptiness and hopeless... and I wish there was more that could be done. My cousin is a cop and her dept. just went through suicide prevention training... after losing two deputies this year.... sad that training comes 'after' the fact

I may be sporadic on here for a while... and Facebook...while I grieve and try to come to terms with what happened. Just didn't want anyone to think I've disappeared.

[ballerinamomma]

Praying for you. My heart is so heavy for you.

[irish]

We missed you! I am so sorry for your loss, praying for you and your friend's family.

[bunsy]

Lots of love to you Sarah. I'm SO sorry. It is heartbreaking and incomprehensible.

[dara1012]

Sarah - I am so sorry for your loss. It is truly heartbreaking whenever this happens; often it just doesn't make sense and is so hard to come to terms with this kind of loss.

I'll be thinking about you and praying for you as you grieve.

[sharon]

Oh Sarah, I am so very sorry. I missed you on here, but had no idea you were gone for such a tragic reason. We are of course here if you want to vent or process with us. I know I speak for everyone when I say you will be in our hearts and our thoughts.

[onlyoneboy]

So sorry for your loss.

[lilmermaid]

So sorry for your loss! We have really missed you and your QOTDs!

Sadly in Law Enforcement suicide is very common given their "double lives" if you will. Having to live with taking another life or seeing such harsh circumstances. Then having to put on a brave face for family and friends. It's one of the toughest jobs out there. Being a LEOW(Law Enforcement Officer Wife) it's very hard to see so many LEOs take their lives!

[ReneeW]

Sarah, I am so, so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. It's heartbreaking. (HUGS) to you.

[fungirls]

I am so sorry for your loss, Sarah. My husband's cousin took his life in January so I understand what you're going through. It is so so hard to understand for those left behind. Prayers for you as you grieve your friend.

[bumblebee23]

Sad this is like the 4th one I have heard of this year!

It breaks my heart because I know the depths of the pain these people are feeling. I have more then been there on one occasion. You hurt so much that you feel like nothing can make it better again. You also get so used to putting on a "I'm ok face" to everyone else that sometimes you even fool yourself and it makes it hard to ask for help.

I am so very sorry that you lost your dear friend. Thinking of you and hoping you find the time to greive and find healing. (((HUGS)))

[ladyandrearose]

Sarah, So sorry you lost your friend. ((hugs))

[apryllraye87]

So sorry to hear this. I'll keep you and all of her loved ones in my prayers.

[Susan824]

Sarah, sorry for your loss. Depression is so complex and can fly under everyone's radar. Glad to hear you're following your instincts by taking the time you need to grieve. You have our support.