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Post by sharon on Mar 22, 2013 5:15:58 GMT -6
Yesterday I found out that one of Ian's best friend's parents are getting divorced from the friend's mom. The friend knows - in fact his dad has already moved out.
Ian hasn't mentioned it and I don't know if he knows. I am tempted to bring it up and, if he doesn't know, tell him, and talk about ways to be supportive if his friend wants to talk about it or is upset about it.
But I'm also tempted to leave it alone and figure it's the friend's decision when and if to tell Ian and that Ian will figure out to be kind about it in the moment.
What would you do?
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Post by brandi6685 on Mar 22, 2013 6:59:33 GMT -6
I think I would just leave it alone until he asks you about. That way if is friend isn't telling anyone or embarrassed or something like that he doesn't get mad at Ian. The friend is probably pretty angry along with the other feelings he is going through and you wouldn't want him taking the anger out in Ian
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Post by irish on Mar 22, 2013 8:29:08 GMT -6
I agree with Brandi. I would leave it alone, when his friend is ready to open up to him, he will. Ian is such a great kid, I'm sure he will handle the news perfectly and provide great comfort to his friend
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Post by angel22 on Mar 22, 2013 8:45:49 GMT -6
Yep, what they said. Ian is a very compassionate boy and I completely trust his ability to comfort his friend properly when his friend needs it. I wouldn't mention that particular divorce just yet but I would, maybe, talk with Ian about the SUBJECT of divorce. See what he knows, how he feels about it, how he'd react learning about some one he knows going through one. Is there a book he's read recently or that he has coming up that talks about it at all- even in passing of a character having divorced parents? Just something to get the idea out there and get him thinking so that he is prepared when his friend does tell him. In my family we've talked about divorce in the course of talking about all of the different kinds of family structures.
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Post by dara1012 on Mar 22, 2013 9:11:50 GMT -6
I agree with the other ladies. I would wait and let Ian's friend be the one to tell when and if he wants to.
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Post by sharon on Mar 22, 2013 12:02:40 GMT -6
Thanks ladies! That helps a ton! We have extended family that divorced recently so I could bring it up in that context. I would worry if I just generically started talking divorce that he would get worried that something was up with me and Tina!
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Post by ReneeW on Mar 22, 2013 12:53:12 GMT -6
I was thinking the same thing, to wait for Ian to bring it up with you on his own when he hears about it. When my kids have asked about divorce (our next door neighbors divorced a few years ago) my message was more about how even though the mommy and daddy were no longer married, they still both love the kids and are a family and work together to keep things smooth for the kids even if there are now two houses etc.
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Post by sharon on Mar 23, 2013 7:25:28 GMT -6
Yeah, when Ian was asking about his cousins whose parents are divorcing I remember explaining that change, esp a big change like that, is always hard, but that in the long run, it's often a good thing because being in an unhappy marriage usually isn't good for anyone, parents or kids.
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Post by angel22 on Mar 23, 2013 7:41:28 GMT -6
Lol Sharon! I had thought that, too, that Ian may get worried about you and Tona- that's why I was hoping that there was a book or another family you could use as an example to broach the subject. Overall, whether you talk to him about divorce before or after Ian's friend tells him- you've raised a very caring and compassionate little boy- he'll know in his heart how to help his friend.
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