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Post by laurac on Apr 7, 2013 15:29:10 GMT -6
My niece and sister know this gal who has twins. One has down syndrome and one does not. She and her husband, after much soul searching, have decided to give up the twin with down syndrome for adoption. They have 2 other children, at one time she was a mentor at their local church and she was very active in the church. These babies were born on Feb 28th, so a little over a month ago. She posted on FB that they were giving the one up and they had found a family in Hutchinson to adopt him.
Now, I'm sure this child will have a much better life and will never know the difference. But the child left behind, who does not have DS, will know that he has a twin out there and, I assume at some point in his life, will want to know him.
I try really hard not to be judgmental but I was very taken aback by this.
What are your thoughts?
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Post by cissy on Apr 7, 2013 15:53:02 GMT -6
Horrible!
I do not think that they should give up the child that has special needs when they already have other kids and obviously can handle taking care of kids. Are they going to have more kids after? Are they people who then care what their family looks like to others?
I know I wouldn't be able to look at them the same, I would think of them as lower people who are judge mental and need to have everything perfect. Yeah I couldn't be friends with them and if they were my family I wouldn't be around them. Then again that is my thoughts. I do not think that someone should give up a child because it will take a little more effort for that child.
I think it is horrible.
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Post by bunsy on Apr 7, 2013 16:12:22 GMT -6
It's hard for me to comprehend but I have heard of that situation before. Some people just CAN'T handle that kind of stress. Do I believe it is right? No but I do understand. They want a better life for that child and don't think they can give it.
I would HOPE that it would be an open adoption so family can maintain ties. I have no clue what you would tell your current children, not to mention the twin. Again, beyond my comprehension.
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Post by dara1012 on Apr 7, 2013 16:22:38 GMT -6
Wow! I have JOKED that if I were to get pregnant with twins I would give one up for adoption......but it was a joke in the context of "I'm not sure I want more than one, what happens if I decide I want one more and end up with twins?". If I were in that situation I would never be able to give up one child and keep the other. I work with people who have Down Syndrome and while the journey their families travel is not easy, it is in the cases I have been a part of, filled with love. I really cannot fathom this situation.
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Post by laurac on Apr 8, 2013 6:59:25 GMT -6
I knew there would be stong opinions on this subject.
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Post by irish on Apr 8, 2013 7:18:31 GMT -6
Like Bunsy said, I can understand the why. It's very hard to imagine, and I'm *hoping* that the parents decision was not an easy one for them. I'm curious, do you know how old the twins are? Hopefully young enough where they won't remember this happening...
Personally, I could never live with myself.
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Post by laurac on Apr 8, 2013 7:19:02 GMT -6
They were born on Feb 28th. 2013.
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Post by cissy on Apr 8, 2013 8:47:33 GMT -6
How old are the other kids? Are they old enough to know what is going on? Will they now think that if someone has a disability they are not good enough?
I think each persons view on this is different by what they have already had and have dealt with in their life. I think when you are a person who has dealt with special needs children you see what they are like and what they need and know you do not want to give up on them, and for some who have never dealt with it before think it is just easier to not have to deal with it and give up the 'issue' before they even try because they think it might be hard.
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Post by laurac on Apr 8, 2013 8:49:03 GMT -6
I believe the oldest is about 7, and they have one more in between. Definitely old enough.
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Post by lilmermaid on Apr 8, 2013 8:50:15 GMT -6
WOW!
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Post by fungirls on Apr 8, 2013 9:01:57 GMT -6
This is so sad!
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Post by bumblebee23 on Apr 8, 2013 9:04:52 GMT -6
Wow! In some ways I understand. Caring for a child can be extremely stressful, time consuming, and I'm sure expensive.
But then how do you have a child and decide that just because they are ill you don't want to love that child and watch them grow. If one of their other children should get a bad disease will they decide they are too much trouble and put them up for adoption too?
Not to mention what you are saying to the children you already have by making this decision. Well baby is different so we don't want him anymore. To be honest the whole thing disgusts me and I don't think I could associate with them any longer.
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Post by ballerinamomma on Apr 8, 2013 9:07:53 GMT -6
That disgusts me. Poor baby. I'm praying the family he goes into will love him like he deserves.
The whole thing makes me sick to my stomach. I agree, I wouldn't be able to associate with them either.
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Post by laurac on Apr 8, 2013 9:12:06 GMT -6
Ok just to clarify, I don't personally know this family. I had heard about them from my niece.
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Post by ReneeW on Apr 8, 2013 9:13:31 GMT -6
I'm shocked by this. It is truly heartbreaking and I fear it will scar this family forever. But if the parents can't love that baby and appreciate him/her for the unique person God made him/her out to be (or can't give the baby the care and life he/she deserves), the baby's better off with parents who will unconditionally love him or her. I think it is just ... very, very sad.
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