Getting kids to do something they don't want to do

[ReneeW]

How do you handle getting your kids to do something they don't want to do? Here's my situation.

My 5 YO is incredibly active. She loves to run. She loves to kick. And yet she has refused to play soccer. I know that this kid would LOVE love LOVE soccer, but she has refused for 2 years to do it. Until ... last week. After she played outside by herself, kicking a ball around, she told me that she wants to try soccer again. We signed her up. Today's the first day. She started to cry and wail and say that now she DOESN'T want to do it. Well, we spent $110 on soccer so she is gosh darn going to DO it!!! Here's what I did:

I told her she just needs to try it, to go into it with an open mind and see how it goes.
I talked about how when I was a kid my parents dropped me off at a summer track and field program, I was nervous at first and grew to love it.
I talked about being brave and courageous, and how that means sometimes doing things in spite of our fear or worries.

DH just texted me a picture, she's done a 180 and is now excited to go. Phew! But ... I know this won't be the last time and I'm wondering how do you handle it?

[laurac]

Nice job, Mom! Especially since you put out so much money you want her to at least try it. Sometimes she also knows she can act like that around you but maybe not her Dad. So sorry honey, you're taking her from now on!

[sharon]

With something like that we tell him he has to pay us back if he doesn't do it That usually solves it. It would take a LONG time for him to save up that much allowance.

Also, my son is almost always very anxious about new places, and then very excited once he has been there 5 minutes. It's a pattern we noticed by the time he was 4, so now we remind him of it and all the times he has felt that way and tell him we will talk again after he has been somewhere once, since that's all he has ever needed.

The one we have run into is birthday parties. There has been a few times where he says he wants to go, we RSVP that he is coming, and then on the day of he doesn't want to. We did force him to go, telling him that is not fair and that the friend is expecting him AND the friends parents have paid for a certain number of kids and that he has to go. But it's been a struggle sometimes. Not lately.

[ReneeW]

So I just heard back from DH and he said she LOVED loved LOVED it!!! I KNEW she would love it, and it's been hard to hear her refuse and refuse to do an activity that I knew she'd enjoy. You can't exactly say to a 5 YO, "I TOLD you so!!!" But ... GEEZ ... we did tell her!!! I'm glad that it turned out as well as it did and that she had fun. She has a make-up game tomorrow so I'll get to watch her play.

I guess that makes me a first-time "soccer mom." In 8 years I may wonder, "What have I DONE?!?" when she's on a traveling team and it's taking up every weekend, right?!? But for now I'm just happy for her to have this experience. I want her to learn about team work, being a good sport, the value of working hard at something, all of those "life lessons" you learn by doing sports. And maybe I'm getting ahead of myself because she's only 5, but at the very least I'm happy for her to burn off some energy!!

[sharon]

And she's learned that sometimes something she doesn't want to try will turn out to be something she loves! WTG all of you!

[dara1012]

So glad she tried it and loved it!

DS is very similar to how Sharon described her DS....until he knows what to expect he gets anxious about new places and will often say he would rather stay home, then as soon as we go and he gets into he loves it. So all new experiences take a lot of coaching and discussion and giving him time.

Last year I asked if he wanted to play t-ball and he said "yes" we signed him up and he clung to me for the first 3 games, by the end of the season he was willing to go onto the field without me, but still very hesitant, we just had his first game this year last week and he did so well! No tears, no clinging so I am glad I pushed him to do it last year, b/c now he is very proud of himself. Same thing happened with swim lessons (a couple years ago he stood on the side of the pool for 2 full lessons as I thought about all the ways I would rather spend $70, now he jumps right in and does everything he is asked to do).

Because I know how DS is and because I think 5 year olds should have some input and decision making but that as parent I get final say, sometimes we push things, other times we don't. Last summer for instance he was so upset that I took a day off of work to go to the waterpark with him that he cried and screamed about not going. I thought about not doing it (who wants to take a kid to the waterpark when he's screaming? and why would I do that to him?) but then I realized that he would think he always gets to make decisions for every activity and I also knew that part of his issue was that it was a new place. Fast forward 2 hrs and we are in the wave pool and he tells me it is the best day of his life! (I definitely wanted to say "I told you so!" at that moment)

We have a "Family Rules" sign in our dining room and 2 of the rules are: "Listen to your parents" and "Do your best" ---we talk about how "doing your best" does not mean doing it perfectly or even as good as the other kids, it is about him putting in his best effort. This has really helped him to know that our expectation is he try his best and when it comes down to it he needs to listen to Mom & Dad.

Hope the rest of the season goes well!

[ReneeW]

Thanks for the great input. Just what I needed to hear. DD 2 had a makeup game yesterday. She couldn't wait to leave the house for the game, kept asking, "Is it time to go yet?" "Can we go now?" "I want to go to soccer!!!!" etc., then she scored three goals and again had a blast. So ... S U C C E S S !!!! Hooray! And I am trying to use this as a teachable moment, like, yep sometimes we are worried about trying new things, but then it can end up being great fun.