Facilitating Friendships outside of school

[dara1012]

DS recently began kindergarten and he seems to be making friends there, which is great, but how do I facilitate friendships outside of school?

He goes to our "neighborhood" school but some of his classmates are 5+ miles away due to how borders are drawn and we don't live close to the school at all. He has expressed interest in having friends over, but I know that I want to meet the parents before inviting kids over and vice versa. How does one accomplish this?

In particular DS rides the bus with a classmate, I know they live within 2 blocks of us b/c of where her stop is in comparison to our stop, but DS has no idea which house is hers, so knocking on doors isn't an option.

In general we haven't been good about "playdates" and facilitating friendships. He has always been in daycare/preschool and spent all day playing with friends so we regarded evenings and weekends as important family time. He has one neighbor friend that just moved in 2 months ago that he is getting to know who is in first grade, but aside from that he doesn't socialize with other kids outside of his cousins, Sunday School and at school.

Thanks in advance for your advice.

[ReneeW]

As far as meeting classmates' parents goes, does your DS's school send out a class list or contact list of some sort? I've looked up other parents' email addresses and just emailed them, saying, "Hi, this is DD's mom, Renee. We'd love to have Child over for a play date, would any of XYZ days work? Perhaps you could drop off Child and we could visit for a bit first," type of thing. Or I would plan a family activity at a park, playground or neutral spot where the kids can play and you can meet the parents. That's harder in the winter, though. School activities where parents will be are good places to meet them, too. The other day our kids had a "family fun run" at school where parents are invited to run with kids during gym class, and I was able to meet a few parents there which was nice. You can hang around at curriculum night or conferences too and try to meet some parents.

As far as neighbor kids go, that is trickier. I would keep an eye out when you're walking and driving in the neighborhood to try to figure out where kids his age live, go to the neighborhood park when you see other kids are there and make connections, even keep an eye out on Halloween if you're trick or treating! I have to admit this is not my strong point--like you, we go to a school that's not close to our home and the few kids who live in our neighborhood go to a different school. My kids' friends all live at least a 10-minute drive away.

[dara1012]

We don't have a contact list for his classmates.

I met one mom chaperoning apple orchard, but don't have her contact. He also plays sports for our city parks and recs but most of his class doesn't live in our city, so they play in different leagues. The suburbs are hard!

I feel like it was easier when I was a kid and our neighborhood was contained and everyone knew each other.

[sharon]

Could you send a note home with the other kid with your contact info somehow? Maybe the teacher would help? It's so odd to me to not have the families contact info, but I know some schools don't give it out.

[fungirls]

Debbie, the school does a directory each year. They will send a form home that you can complete if you'd like to be included. The directory is nice because it lists parent names, email, and phone numbers. It goes by last name, lists siblings, classes, etc. In the meantime, you could send a note with DS to school for him to put in his friend's mail box at school - that has worked well for us for setting up play dates, sending birthday invites, etc. without sometimes even knowing last names. DD2 is making lots of "friends" but those first couple weeks she didn't even know their names so it can be difficult!

[dara1012]

Thanks Sarah!

BTW which kindergarten is your DD in? DS has Mrs. Schmidt.

[fungirls]

DD has C. Johnson.

[apryllraye87]

We also had a class list sent home with DS started Kindergarten. However, he mostly met new kids just by being outside playing while the other kids were, but that's easier in the summer when kids are outside a lot. We would go on walks or to the park that was right by our old house.

[momof3anddog]

There is a school directory that comes out some time later in the year; If you don't put your cell phone in there, though people have no way to contact you other than by writing or whatever; I'm pretty careful with my contact info as people sometimes are a little too drama filled and I have enough of that already in my life -- just with everyday life drama. But I do put a cell in there so that we can contact people; Also in kindergarten, 1st, and less in 2nd; Everybody had birthday parties where they invited everybody; So I met a few people that way; I also use the directory to invite a few people that my daughter talks about constantly. Just to broaden my kids friend circle; But again, as we had the day care all day like you, a lot of his friends were there and we didn't do a lot of play dates outside of day care; Same as you, I regarded time on weekends as "family time"; I would invite some parents to meet me at McDonald's playland for the first few times we did stuff when she was younger.