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Post by ReneeW on Jan 14, 2014 9:21:20 GMT -6
Last night DH tells me that his parents are upset because our kids don't like the food they make. For background -- we have a very great, positive relationship with his parents, and I adore them. We have dinner on Sunday nights at their house, and his dad is an excellent cook, I love eating there, having a chance to catch up with them, it's great. BUT. This is really irritating me-- I'm not sure what they expect us to do! Perhaps I should just sit down and discuss it with them face to face rather than DH trying to tell me their concerns secondhand.
My understanding is that my FIL gets upset when he's worked hard on an amazing meal and my kids don't eat it. My philosophy is that we give our kids a variety of healthy foods, they have to TRY everything, but they don't have to finish their plate. If I make a meal I include a side or two I know they like, so they can always fill up on fruits and vegetables and a side dish if they don't like the main course. I don't want to create power struggles over food and end up with girls with eating disorders!! Kids won't starve themselves. And from what I've read, when they get older they will most likely be healthy eaters--it's just that they're 6 and 9 and they don't like fancy sauces and complicated foods! They eat meat; veggies such as corn, peas, broccoli, green beans etc.; fruit; bread; pasta … they don't like fish, certain sauces, mushrooms, things like that. So I don't see what the problem here is!!!! Grrrrr ….
Sometimes after my DDs have taken a bite of a new food, they'll whisper to me, "I don't like it" and shake their head. I think this hurts my FIL's feelings. So I'm happy to have a new rule where the kids are not allowed to say they don't like something. They have to take a big, nice bite, and then they're old enough to keep quiet about if they don't like it (if they DO like it, we'll be able to see that when they eat it all, or they can say "Yum!" if they so choose). I'm happy to tweak our rules. But I'm not going to fight with my kids about food, especially since they're not overly picky--just slightly picky, as are most 6 and 9 YOs!!
ANYWAY … Do you see anything I'm not seeing here? Read any good articles lately on the topic, have any insight or tricks or tips? I love my in-laws and don't want this to be a problem. And I have said to DH, well, if my in-laws are not happy with Sunday dinner we can either quit the tradition (if it's causing them stress rather than joy, why even do it?) or we can host instead. But DH doesn't want to seem to punish his parents for them bringing up a concern they have, and I see his point as well.
TIA!!
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Post by dara1012 on Jan 14, 2014 9:34:14 GMT -6
Your girls are at an age where they don't like a lot of food that adults like. It isn't your FIL's cooking, it's just them being kids.
I get frustrated too when DS would prefer PB & J to something I have cooked, but I know he is just a kid.
When my extended family is together depending on the meal, the kids eat separate foods. This past weekend my SIL made an amazing turkey dinner. We told DS he needed to try 2 bites of turkey and some of the corn dish she made. Then he got fruit and a hot dog. (Same as my niece).
I would suggest that you and DH talk to FIL and let him know that you love having dinner as a family and it is a tradition you hope to continue for many years, but food is an area where you don't want to be too controlling or forceful with your daughters. You want them to develop a healthy relationship with food and their ability to make good choices.
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Post by bunsy on Jan 14, 2014 14:28:16 GMT -6
I think your viewpoint and methods are VERY healthy. I also understand how your ILs don't get it. Having your kids NOT say they don't like it is probably the most you can do. You certainly can't force them to eat food just to make grandpa happy.
I think you explained it very well in your post. Rework that a bit and send it to them.
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Post by ReneeW on Jan 14, 2014 17:59:14 GMT -6
Thanks for the support!!
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Post by sharon on Jan 14, 2014 21:55:38 GMT -6
Maybe he just needs his ego stroked a bit? "That dinner was SO good! Thank you for cooking it for us. I know kids sometimes don't have very mature tastes but I know they will appreciate such sophisticated food as they get to be old enough. And I'm grateful you are challenging their palates. I appreciate it now - they will appreciate it later."  Maybe too much? |
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Post by ReneeW on Jan 15, 2014 9:01:42 GMT -6
That's a good point, Sharon. I always thank my in-laws when we leave, and usually comment on how delicious it is during the meal (which is true--the food is fabulous, a total treat!) but maybe emphasizing how it will benefit my kids down the road would be a nice comment as well. Good point.
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Post by nevaehsmom327 on Jan 16, 2014 14:28:18 GMT -6
I agree with Sharon. I get upset when my kids don't like something I've slaved over for hours, I could totally understand why he would too, especially being they're not his kids and may not have that complete understanding. I think giving him an ego boost about helping build the kids' palettes might help. It all just depends on his personality, but hey I think that's a GREAT place to start!
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Post by deannemdm on Jan 17, 2014 8:09:24 GMT -6
Another idea maybe see if he wouuld want to have them help with any of the preparation? That may a way for them to appreacicate it more?
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Maybe too much?
