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Post by onlyoneboy on Jan 28, 2014 7:35:40 GMT -6
Sorry ladies I need to vent. The outlaws are at it again.
Quick back story: A few summers ago, at a different daycare we only had to pay for the days the boys were there. At our new daycare we have to pay if they are there or not to hold the spot. Typically DS2 goes to the outlaws once a week and DS1 goes if he has a day off of school. We hate having to pay even if the boys are not there so, DH and I agreed that we would eat the cost of them not being at daycare up to one day a week, but, over that they would have to go.
We have told this to the outlaws on numerous occasions and they have even told DH that they would help with the cost of daycare if needed.
Yesterday both the boys were at the outlaws, due to no school, even though they could have gone to daycare. This was per request of DS1. Then this happened: (I'm just going to copy and paste the e-mail exchange for convenience on my part)
(FIL) Logan has asked about plans for tomorrow if there is no school. He wants to stay here if there isn't any.
(me) Would Ryker be coming home?
We pay for daycare whether the boys are there or not so we don’t want them to miss to many days. At this point we would like them to go since we are paying for it.
Phil is unable to e-mail as he is busy at work, but, he say “Dad has mentioned before about helping pay for daycare when the kids aren’t there. One day a week isn’t too bad to lose out of but, more than one day is too expensive for us. So for financial reasons we would like him to daycare tomorrow, unless you want to reimburse us for the expense.”
It takes too long for Phil to try to type stuff out on his phone for e-mail so I am relaying what he said when I talked to him over lunch.
(I received this back from FIL) Don't understand the financial issue when you pay it anyway. It's a little sad to think we would have to pay to see our grandkids. I would think it would even itself out - we don;t charge to care for them at your request.
Very seldom do we ask for them to watch the kids. They usually ask us if they can watch them. It just pisses me off that I get a response back from him like that when this is something that has been discussed with them multiple times. I'm getting to the point where I'm going to say fine, we will pay you to watch the boys WHEN WE ASK and if they ask to have the boys and we are already paying someone else then they will have to pay whom ever it is we are already paying. We are not made of money, just like every one else we need to watch where every penny is spent.
Thanks for letting me rant.
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Post by dara1012 on Jan 28, 2014 10:56:55 GMT -6
Sorry you are having issues with them.
I don't understand why they don't get it. I just talked to my mom about summer plans because I am signing DS up for a program and she totally understood why I needed to know in advance so we don't pay for care we aren't using.
Your FIL probably just thinks, "they aren't paying double, so what's the big deal if they pay daycare and the boys come here". Sounds like your DH needs to talk to them again.
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Post by onlyoneboy on Jan 28, 2014 11:03:31 GMT -6
Problem with DH is, he has been so mentally abused by them his whole life that he can't grow a set and stand up to them. He's all yes, this is what we need to do, but, as soon as his parents say something then he's, I can see their point. It's so frustrating to me. I've told him I think he needs to go to counseling so he can learn how to stand up to them. Is it horrible of me to wish they would just kick the bucket? I mean, they are not young.
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Post by dara1012 on Jan 28, 2014 11:07:13 GMT -6
Sorry, that's such a hard situation.
I hope they treat your son's well.
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Post by onlyoneboy on Jan 28, 2014 11:15:20 GMT -6
They treat the kids fine. I'm glad they have the relationship they do with them. Maybe they need to get jobs so they have something else to do. My MIL has issues, she has told a friend of ours that she felt like she had an addiction to the boys like someone would to alcohol. The friend she told this to is a friend we meet through DH's AA group. My MIL has other addiction issues (food), so she knew what she was saying. Last I heard she was in counseling, I sure hope she is still going.
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Post by ReneeW on Jan 28, 2014 15:30:30 GMT -6
This is hard. I'm sorry that it's causing stress. (Sigh.)
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Post by onlyoneboy on Jan 31, 2014 8:45:17 GMT -6
DH tried talking to his parents last night, and they still don't get it. How many times and how many ways do you have to tell someone something before they get it.
I'm just so sick of this argument with them. DH told them the boys can only miss daycare once a week.
So frustrating!
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Post by deannemdm on Jan 31, 2014 9:44:41 GMT -6
At least he is standing up to them a little more and backing you up, it sounds like at least
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Post by dara1012 on Jan 31, 2014 10:26:39 GMT -6
What if you (DH) explained it to them using a service they pay for?
For example:
How would your FIL feel about having paid for an oil change program where his oil is changed in his car every 3 months, but someone offered to do it free? He still had to pay for it and that service he paid for is "wasted".
Essentially you are saying you don't want to pay for a service that you aren't using more than 1x/week.
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Post by onlyoneboy on Jan 31, 2014 11:31:44 GMT -6
We've tried that. They are just ignorant and want things their way and will do what ever they can to get their way.
If I ever hear them mentally abusing the boys like they did DH, you can bet they won't be going over there anymore.
They actually told DH that if he moved out of the house and dated me he would never amount to anything. They play favorites to his sister, big time, because she went to college and DH did not. I can see them already playing favorites to DS1, if that continues when DS2 is old enough to realize what is going on and when/if DS1 figures out his is the favorite and starts to use it against DS2 all will stop as well.
His parents think they can manipulate anyone into doing what they want and then get offended when I won't let them get away with it. The really do act worse than a two year old.
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