How do you deal with difficult people?

[sweetpeamom25]

I have a very long story regarding some family drama. I’m so tired of it and have no idea how to deal with it anymore.

What I’m wondering is this, how do you deal with people who are unwilling to compromise? How do you deal with someone who wants things their way and only their way?

And how do you deal with finding out that someone has been telling other family members lies about you, and unfortunately those people believed the lies. How do you defend yourself or clear you name, or do you not even bother? Shouldn’t family members give you the benefit of the doubt?

I’m not perfect; I’ve made mistakes and will probably continue to. Even though I’m uncomfortable with it, I’m willing to compromise on things to try and put some of the drama behind us. I know it’s hard with very little background, but I’m just looking for advice on dealing with difficult people. When someone doesn’t want to meet in the middle, what do you do? Do you back down and do it their way just to shut them up (for lack of better words, sorry)? But if you’re been doing that for the last 20 years, isn’t it their turn, for once to meet in the middle? Or maybe that doesn’t even matter, I don’t know.

[onlyoneboy]

Ugh! I know how you feel on this one. For me it is DH's side of the family. For me I can't back down at all. If I give even a little, they take 12 miles. If I could give and that would be the end of it I would but, that is not the case for me. I'm not sure if this helps at all. Good Luck!

[ReneeW]

I think it depends on the situation. Sometimes, on little things, you may have to go with the flow, but not on bigger issues. You may have to start leaving/ reducing contact with certain people due to those bigger issues. When you are insulted, belittled, or people are acting in a way that is crossing a line, you leave the party/ house/ what have you and contine to do that until they hopefully stop the behavior. If people insist on doing something their own way, you can say, "OK, this time we'll do it your way, next time my way." and then next time you say, "OK let's try it my way," and if they don't you do it your own way anyway, leave, etc.

If you know who lied about you, I think you have every right to say straight to that person's face (and I do think it should be in person), "I really hope I've been misinformed, but I was told you said X about me. That is a lie. If you have any questions, please ask me to my face and I will tell you the truth." And to other people who have spread the lie, you can say, "I hope this isn't true, but I've been told that you may have repeated X about me. That is absolutely false. If you have future questions, please ask me and I can clear that up." etc. etc. etc. and keep consistent with it!! That's my input anyway.

[deannemdm]

There are only so many things you can do in a bad situation-- ignore it (you have done that), change your atitutde about it (not sure how to go about that) or remove yourself from the situation. I think confronting that liar in person is good and effective, but I think I would have a hard time doing it-- that is just me. Limit contact, find other supports if needed (other that family, here, church, school, etc)

[sharon]

I pretend they are 4.

[Samantha]

I have this issues with DH side.. his sister and I have found that smiling and nodding then do what it is we want is the best route. That way they're happy when they lecture but dont mention when we dont do what they want. Otherwise, if its in anyway damaging to you or our family, remove yourself from the situation.

[nevaehsmom327]

I punch them. Hard.

Juuuuuuust kidding! I really wish sometimes though...

I do however do somewhat like Cissy says and pretend they are 4. I think as adults if you want to act like a child you should be treated like one and spreading lies and rumors is childish. If I were you I would simply ignore the crap, and if anyone has anything to say about it you can comment on it then in a respectful manner.