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Post by workingmomexpecting on Feb 25, 2014 13:40:29 GMT -6
Hey guys, I'm in a difficult situation and dh and I are trying to handle it as diplomatic as possible. Last spring DH got a new job after looking for a long time, we then had to figure out babysitters/daycare during the day. My biological mother (I was adopted) suggested this older woman who was the mother to my half sister's ex boyfriend so we set it up and we loved her, 3 months later she moved in and stays in our basement and works for room and board. Right before Christmas she started acting different, yelling at the kids a lot for things we wouldn't even punish them for (acting like boys) blaming them for things without talking to anyone else about it and for a while she was really complaining to me a lot about little "guy" things DH does, I put a stop to that right away. Now that I'm pregnant she acts like I'm disabled and can't do anything for a while she was taking control of the kids nighttime schedule when I was home and DH was at work. 2 weeks ago I lost my temper when I was putting the boys to bed and dealing with an allergy crisis with my 5 year old while she sat downstairs and yelled at them at the top of her lungs, I lost it and blame pregnancy hormones (LOL). Since then my 10 year old has been telling me things that happen while they are alone with her, nothing really bad and abusive though but blaming them for ridiculous things and sending them to their room for wrestling and treating one better than the other. DH and I agree this behavior needs to stop but we aren't sure how to go about this in a way that won't turn into a screaming match. How would you handle this?
Btw kicking her out is an option we have considered but she has no where to go, her kids don't speak to her and don't want her around. We feel kind of stuck.
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Post by bunsy on Feb 25, 2014 13:43:17 GMT -6
You need to do what is best for your kids. It doesn't sound like she is a healthy influence. I'd give her notice that your situation has changed and the current set-up isn't working for you any longer.
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Post by workingmomexpecting on Feb 25, 2014 13:50:03 GMT -6
We are thinking this is best. I am looking for a new job where I can be home more with the kids and we won't need her at all. We fear things will get worse after baby comes and that's the time we really don't need this stress on us. For the time being, we need her around until the rest gets figured out. We considered making a list and just "chatting" with her about concerns we have without her feeling attacked. She's so moody though that it might turn into a fight with her.
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Post by bunsy on Feb 25, 2014 13:54:52 GMT -6
Just doesn't sound like a "fixable" situation. I don't see how you can control whether she changes her behaviors while you're gone. It puts your 10 year old in the position of being the tattle tale and that certainly won't help the situation.
I'd look for different options ASAP.
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Post by workingmomexpecting on Feb 25, 2014 14:05:45 GMT -6
If all goes as planned, I will be on leave early due to potential risks my job comes with. Once I do go on leave she has no need to be there anymore, I just won't put her on the street she's going to have to make up with one of her kids and live there. My 10 year old can't stand her but he's too nice to say it out loud even to me but I see it in the attitude he has with her and no one else, and lately my 5 year old has asked both of us to call in to work every day. I'm in the middle of a plan with my union rep to get out ASAP, and that would be best for the kids, probably not our bank account but we can figure that out later.
Maybe the MIL can take the 5 year old during the day and I can set up something with my 10 year old to stay with a friend for an hour after school.
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Post by megan1201 on Feb 25, 2014 14:47:11 GMT -6
I would give her a two week notice - that gives both of you enough time to find other arrangements. Just explain to her that she is no longer a fit for your family and leave it at that. There is no reason you or your family should have to feel uncomfortable in your own home. Good luck!
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Post by ReneeW on Feb 25, 2014 20:56:14 GMT -6
I know you feel bad about leaving this woman with nowhere to go, but her behavior isn't acceptable and she's got to go. It's a shame but it's not a workable situation. If you can't even discuss issues without her losing her temper and getting into a fight, that's not right. You're her boss and she isn't doing the work she's been hired to do, she's combative and unpleasant and she can not stay.
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Post by nevaehsmom327 on Feb 26, 2014 12:56:05 GMT -6
I agree this kind of behavior is unacceptable. I like what Megan said, give her a two week notice. It's tough, not easy on anyone, but you must do what's best for your family!
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Post by deannemdm on Feb 26, 2014 14:07:43 GMT -6
MAybe there was a reason her family dosn;t have anything to do with her. Maybe she is experiencing early signs of dementia, a brain tumor, etc that are causing the sudden change in behavior. Sounds like she is not be a healthy influence with your children now.
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Post by workingmomexpecting on Feb 26, 2014 14:32:52 GMT -6
I actually called my birth mom and asked how she acted while living with my sister it was pretty much the same, I guess she just hid it from us for quite a while. Yes I believe there is a reason her kids want nothing to do with her, I have no doubt she treated all of them the same way as she does my kids. This is stupid but she actually treats one of my cats the same way, my kitten absolutely hates her, arches his back when she walks by him clings to me as soon as I get home. Who's mean to a kitten? Animals have a sense about people, I think he is on board with firing her too.
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