QOTW 5-12-14

[sarahisis]

Thanks Lil for the idea!


Do you attend a church the same religion you or your SO/DH grew up with? How did you decide? How have your beliefs changed in your adulthood vs your childhood?
How do you go about introducing your children to your beliefs?

[bunsy]

I grew up ELCA Lutheran and attend an ELCA Lutheran church.
DH grew up Catholic but was very fine leaving that behind. We didn't start attending church together until the kids were 3, 3, and 6.
DH and I believe in a higher power but not necessarily the God that a specific denomination preaches.
At the moment, none of my children are believers despite being taken to church and taught about God their entire lives.
It is what it is.

[apryllraye87]

I grew up pentecostal and and SO didn't go to church growing up (he's mentioned his grandma taking him to a lutheran church a few times). I stopped attending church my junior year of high school because practically my entire church was related, there was a situation that had blown up between the pastors nephew and me and I didn't feel comfortable going back after that. I haven't really been back to any church since then.

My beliefs changed a lot because I grew up in a conservative family and I went to an extremely judgmental church & private school. After I left my old church and school I realized how judgmental they really were and decided I didn't need church. It's taken a while, but I've grown to realize that not all churches or people that attend church are like that.

I've been looking around more recently for a church by our house to bring DS to. My mom brings him to church once in a while and he likes it. SO says that he doesn't believe in a higher power because of the things that have happened in his life (his mom and grandma passed within a few months of each other when he was 18). I don't know if he really feels that way, or if it's his way of trying to understand. Either way, I've told him if he wants to attend with us he can, but it's his choice.

[betherin]

DH and I both grew up ELCA Lutheran and found an ELCA Lutheran church right by our house that we love shortly after we were married. We've been bringing the boys since they were babies (not as regularly when they were younger with naps and stuff), but now that DS1 is in preschool and Sunday School we try to go every week. We also send DS1 to a Lutheran preschool at a different church nearby that offers preschool. It's been great so far!

[sarahisis]

I went to a catholic school til third grade, but my family continued going to a Catholic church til I was in sixth or seventh grade. At that point I really wasn't interested. I hated doing the sacraments and I especially loathed having to confess my sins to a priest.
I started going to a very large Baptist church when I was 17, while dating my at the time boyfriend... and Ive been going to similar churches since.
Right now Preston and my dh go to Eaglebrook church in White Bear lake.. they have other locations as well. I like it because it is relevant and current and very casual. ds don't usually last the entire service, but we'll get there.

[sharon]

Jumping in even though we aren't Christian and hoping that's OK.

We attend a Conservative synagogue and that's what I grew up attending as well. There are other branches of Judaism that sometimes feel more approachable to those who didn't grow up Jewish, so I have always offered to switch to one of those, but Tina hasn't wanted to. Tina grew up Catholic so it's very different for her. When I met her she knew she didn't want to be Catholic but didn't know what she wanted to be, if anything. I encouraged her to try different churches and try to find her way.

When we were dating we talked about religion a lot and figuring it all out because I knew I would always need to be Jewish and raising Jewish kids wasn't something I could give up. But at the same time I wanted her to find her own path and not to agree to anything just because it was what I wanted. However, I was very relieved when eventually she was sure she was comfortable with all that because I knew I wanted to marry her.

My beliefs have changed in a lot of ways, as has my practice. I'm more religious than I grew up. Also, I never imagined being married to someone who wasn't Jewish, so that was a path that presented challenges to figure out with holidays and inlaws and such. I feel like we've done well with all of us (we meaning extended family too) but it's not easy and I wouldn't recommend anyone go into it lightly.

We have introduced Ian to Judaism from the beginning. We gave him his first blessing shortly after birth. He is very Jewishly involved and enthusiastic about study and practice. He often urges us to do more in a way that reminds me of how I tried to always get my parents to do more religious practice when I was a kid. So I try to go with it, because I wished they had.

[sharon]

And I'm enjoying this discussion a lot - I find this stuff so interesting to read!

[ReneeW]

I grew up in a family with no religion. We went to church for weddings or funerals, but not at any other times (not even Easter or Christmas even though my parents both grew up Lutheran). My BFFs growing up were actually Catholic and that was my first exposure to any kind of organized religion--if there were sleepovers on a Saturday night we'd end up at mass the next morning and I never knew what to do or say!

I was trying to figure out my beliefs as a teen, read the entire Bible front to back a couple of times in my teen years. When I graduated from college I'd try out different churches here and there to see what it was all about. When DH and I got married and moved to MN we joined the church his parents attend (Lutheran), I got baptized and have been a Christian ever since.

I'm at work with my relationship with God … I feel like it's an ongoing journey and I'm trying to get to know Him and the path He wants me to travel and how I can spread love, peace and goodness into the world. Our kids go to Sunday school, we pray, we talk about God and Jesus and "being His hands and voice in the world" by serving others.

[lilmermaid]

I love reading these too!

I grew up ELCA Lutheran. We attended Sunday School and services. I taught Sunday School to preschoolers while I was in high school and college.

DH grew up Catholic. He stopped "believing" this religion after high school. He refuses organized religion of any sort!

As for our kids we are still in limbo as to which way we want to raise them. I'm still on the search for that church home that really seems to fit. DH is fine with me finding a church home for our girls that I feel is right.

[sarahisis]

it's always so nice to have the support of the SO in things like this... especially when all are NOT on the same page!!

[sharon]

Those of you were are not attending the same type of church as your families, or inlaws - how do they feel about that? It is a source of conflict at all? Or everyone is dealing OK?

[sarahisis]

My parents don't practice anything anymore... My aunt is very Catholic... I'm more a Baptist Christian as is my dh and kids... My in-laws are old fashioned Lutheran... very traditional.

Honestly no one talks about it... we love because we're a family and accept no matter our differences. My in-laws have a lot of differing beliefs than me and I don't agree with them most of the time, but we just tend to put it aside and not let it become a real issue. I have a feeling it will someday though.

[sharon]

Well, and you celebrate the same holidays, which I would imagine makes it easier. Most of what's been hard for us is navigating the holiday stuff.

[dara1012]

I grew up in the United Church of Christ (UCC), which is a protestant denomination, similar to ELCA Lutheran, but often more liberal in social justice initiatives. It was one of the first denominations to allow women to be ordained and the UCC as a whole is open and affirming for GLBT, but each congregation can vote if they want to be.

Both my parents are ordained UCC pastors and served the churches I grew up in, but now my mom is serving an ELCA church and my dad is a hospice chaplain.

DH grew up Missouri Synod Lutheran (much, much more conservative than ELCA) and didn't have good experiences in the church. He didn't go to church from the time he was confirmed until we were engaged. He did decide to join my church (St. Paul's UCC on Summit Ave in St. Paul) after we were married and he attends about 1/3 of the time DS and I do. He likes that our church doesn't tell people what to believe and is focused on everyone's spiritual journey and individual faith formation.

I have been all over the place in my life, intermittently struggling with finding my path and feeling confident in my beliefs and questioning my faith and beliefs. I like that this is okay and that finding our faith and being on the journey together is important.

In the past year or so I have really felt a good community connection with others in our church. The other parents (and especially the moms) are very supportive of each other and very nurturing of all children. DS's Sunday School teachers really care about him and it is a good community for him to learn and grow in. DS asks really good questions and I can tell he is thinking about his beliefs and spirituality.

My aunt and uncle go to our church so it is nice to see them there. My brother and his wife both grew up UCC, but didn't feel connected to the only UCC option they had in their city so they found an ELCA Lutheran church they are comfortable in. My other brother believes more in finding spirituality in nature and poetry. He will go to church with our family when we all go. My dad grew up with his father as a Quaker and his mother belonging to the UCC, he does sometimes go to Quaker meeting now for a change of pace.

I personally love learning about different religions, love religious architecture and learning about the rituals of different religious ceremonies. I used to go to church with friends in high school just to check out different religions and really enjoyed learning about Buddhism when I was in S. Korea a few years ago.

[apryllraye87]

My mom would like me to attend church more than I do, but she's never pushed what church I should attend. As far as holidays are concerned, she doesn't celebrate them in the same way that we do because growing up we never did Santa, Easter Bunny, etc. but SO and I do with DS. But she still respects that we want to do that for DS and acts excited when he talks to her about it.

My dad and almost all of SO's family don't have any part in organized religion so it never really comes up with them.

I also like reading everyones experiences