I have a situation *Update*

[jlschlangen]

My gf has 4 kids. She needs care for 1 of her kiddos this summer all summer. It is long days (6:30a-6 or so). 3 days a week all summer. I volunteered to watch the child. But my dh asked am I going to be compensated for watching her. Well I let my gf about wanting to be compensated. She said when I first brought it up a few months ago she knew she had no idea how she was going to pay me. Then I brought it up to her just the other day and her response was: she literally overdrafts just to put gas in their vehicle (they have 2, but 1 doesn't work). Also, she could pay me by chrocheting me a blanket for everyone in my family and giving me a gift card from her job from her anniv. from where she works though she doesn't know how much is on it. Yes, she has a dh he works 2 jobs. She works 1.

What would you do?

I of course want to help her, but I don't want to feel used.

Oh she also said if I don't watch her she would have to take a leave of absence from work then they'd really have no money coming in. Well I can't help that.

She takes the younger child to the daycare where she works (she works at Best Buy). Her next eldest is in JDC (that's a long story) then there is her 15 old.

Need feedback plz.

Thanks much.

Alright the update is: Me & my dh thought $20 was peanuts and we felt I would be or would feel used if I only got the $20 so asked for more ($50) for compensation. Oh ya, they also, asked me to watch their asked youngest dd for 3 wks. We asked for another 50 for her. They couldn't do it. We made dh the bad cop in all of this and me the good cop. They said I was under no obligation to watch the youngest. They found alternative care for tthe older one. The reason why they wanted me to watch the younger one was b/c they would save a bunch of money if they pulled her and used built up vacation time at daycare. The whole thing was a learning experience. The main reason why we ended up not wanting to do this b/c of a liability issue. I really really like their kids a lot. Though I am gathering things to help them out a little such as: food, shampoo, soap, girl clothes, women clothes, a few school supplies, homemade applesauce. I still want to help so that is how I am helping them. Dropping the whole issue of the childcare for a while.

[bunsy]

You need to decide if you want to do it to help your friend and not expect anything in return. Of course, it needs to be financially feasible for you to feed and entertain a 3rd child for the summer.

For me, it would depend on the child. If she is easy to have around and could just be absorbed into my summer days, then I'd do it. I would just take 3 kids places rather than 2. If she is a "challenging" child, I would be less likely to take it on as it could complicate the summer with my kids.

Good luck with your decision. It is a difficult one. I have friends whose children I have taken for periods of time free of charge. They are good friends and would do the same for me if I needed it. Others have asked, and it hasn't looked like it would be positive so I declined.

[nevaehsmom327]

I agree with Bunsy. If the child is not a challenge and you feel as though it will be easy for you to do it all summer then helping a friend out is not only very nice of you, but helps relieve some stress on their part. However, if the kid is a LOT to handle, I would be more cautious.

[dara1012]

I agree with the other ladies.

It's a tough situation. I am just surprised that she would ask you with no compensation and no plans for compensation down the road. It sounds like her family is in a desperate situation, but that doesn't mean you need to feel guilty and do this HUGE favor for her out of guilt.

If it can easily be accommodated with your kids and your plans then it is easier to say yes.

As a parent of a school age kid who we will be paying about $800/month in the summer for his daycare/summer program I can't imagine just asking someone to do it for free. But, we aren't overdrafting our account just to pay for gas.

[apryllraye87]

Is this a very close friend of yours? Does she have a history of taking advantage of you?

If not, I would personally do it to help her, like the other ladies said keeping in mind whether it would be a big challenge. I know that of my 3 close friends we've each had our hard times and we each help each other when we're down. It's wonderful knowing I have friends that I can help out, and if the tables turn they would help me out the same. I bet it would be great for her to know she has you to help her in her time of need.

But of course it all depends on the person and situation, if she has a history of taking advantage of you I wouldn't be quite so quick to offer to help for free. Good luck with your decision - it isn't an easy one!

[Samantha]

I agree with the other ladies but I wonder if her husband has 2 jobs how would there be no money coming in for her? And if it's something you don't want to do, you have no reason to feel guilty... it was her choice to have those kids, any difficulties are for her and her husband to worry about.

Its great to want to help a friend but like Apryll said, be aware of whether or not they may be taking advantage.

[jlschlangen]

Here is an update...

With much thought between me & my dh I have decided to help this friend. Her dh said they could scrape up at least $20 a week to give me for food for the child. I said it is better than nothing. The child seems really easy. No this friend hasn't taken advantage of me yet. The gf & her dh I hung out w/ in HS. Still friends w/ both of them. Oh ya, they live w/ his dad. The dad does nothing all day. No I am not sure why w/ 3 jobs between the 2 of them why they don't have any money boggles my mind.

[ReneeW]

Thanks for the update--as I was reading your post I was thinking my goodness what a tough situation--and wondering what you decided to do.

What a blessing you're being for this family. It's hard to know why they're in financial tough times--debt, gambling, medical bills, attorney's fees, who knows--but you're really helping them out. It sounds like your GF is working hard to get her career going and become financially stable, and you're supporting her at a very critical time. Hopefully things will stabilize for them after this.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that no one would blame you for saying, "No, I'm so sorry I just can't do this." But since you're able to help out and are going to do so, well … way to spread some love and kindness and generosity into the world. And way to help out another mom and be a "above and beyond" friend. Awesome.