Problems with Day Care

[bschneid]

My 15 month old DS has been at the same in home day care for 13 months. He is usually a happy, smily child, and seems to love day care. About 4 weeks ago, he started crying a lot all day and refusing to nap. He had a mild infection in his gums, and took a round of amoxycillan. The infection seemed to clear up, and he is fine with us. The docs can find nothing else wrong with him.

He is fine when I drop him off at day care, but starts throwing angry fits about 30 minutes after I leave, and has many of them the rest of the day. Today he took 25 minutes of nap. (He takes 3-4 hours of naps when home with us.) The day care provider can't even attend to the other children, because if she thinks about moving when he is calm, the fits start again.

He cries no matter what the day care provider does. We are completely stressed out, and have no ideas what to do. She asked us not to bring him tomorrow. Which is ok, but what happens the next day? We need to find real solutions and fast.

Has anyone had a problem like this? What do you do? Where do we even start?

[ReneeW]

I'm sorry that I don't have any words of wisdom, but I did want to say hang in there. This sounds like a terrible time for all of you--mom, child, and day care provider. It's so hard because at that age they can't communicate and you have no idea what's making them so upset! I would think it was separation anxiety except if he's fine when you drop him off and upset later...

The only thing I can think of is to have loveys ready, maybe a picture of you (although that might make it worse), maybe you could e-mail a video of you reading a story or talking to him that he could look at if all else fails (again, that could make outbursts worse) ... I'm just brainstorming. Maybe you could call your pediatrician for ideas as well, or take him to see the doctor to rule out any other health issues.

[sharon]

Ask the daycare provider who she can go to in order to get some suggestions. Hopefully she has some sort of consultant who helps her when she doesn't know what to do. Caring for children is hard and complicated and it's difficult to do in isolation. If she doesn't, have her contact the Center for Inclusive Chilcare at www.inclusivechildcare.org/. I think they offer some consulting services, and if not they will likely know who you can contact. You aren't in Hennepin County by any chance are you?

[JazzyMaxie]

Is he constipated? Is there a person at the daycare that he doesn't like? Is there an object in the home taht scares him?

[outdoorsmommy]

I wonder if something is upsetting your son and he is using these "fits" for attention? He is young but it still could be something along those lines. Why is she not allowing your child back tomorrow, that she can't handle it? Is your child able to come back anymore? I am a daycare provider and it just seems off not let a child come because of that, there should be something that you guys can all work together with.

[bschneid]

Thanks for the ideas! I will try some of these things and see how it works. He doesn't have a lovey item. That might be part of the problem. We are trying to get him to attach less to me and more to an item. She asked me not to bring him today because she needs a break. She was having a hard time and felt like she was taking it out on the other kids. He will be back tomorrow. But, we have no game plan, so I don't see how this is going to get better. It seems to be behavioral, not medical. He only does this for her, not for us.
The worst part is, and this may sound selfish, I miss him. He stays up all day. So, the second I get home, he goes for a 2-3 hour nap. Is up for dinner and about 1 hour of play, then back to bed. I only get to see him for max 2 hrs a day.

[apryllraye87]

Maybe his naps are too long? Is it possible that he isn't sleeping well and then he is tired and that has something to do with it? DS would only nap for 2-3 hours if he was growing or if he was sick.

I know in another thread Love said that she shortened her DS' nap times and that he has been in a better mood since then.

[kristin8888]

What about trying an earlier nap? Toddlers should be awake after a nap for about 3-4 hours before going to bed. Maybe he is getting too much sleep and that is making him more sensitive at daycare. I would talk to your daycare provider and ask her why he doesn't take a nap at her house and suggest her giving him a nap around 1pm, let him sleep for a couple hours and then bedtime around 7-8.

[bschneid]

He is doing a little better this week, but not completely back to himself. He seemed to exhausted, I don't think the naps are too long. He has started sleeping better at night, and slightly better at day care, but he still needs a long nap when he gets home. He is going back to see the doc later this week and check out his ears. Still has a cold and some teeth oming in. Poor little guy. Hopefully this ends soon and we get our easy going guy back again.

[bschneid]

He ended up going on ibuprofen round the clock for 2 weeks. Doc said it needed to build in his system to help with teeth. Seemed that the teeth were overly painful this time. Went to dentist teeth are fine. He has been a lot better....only having occasional bad days rather than every day. Thanks for the tips and support. Hopefully we are out of the woods on this. He only has a couple of teeth left to come in!

[sharon]

Poor little guy, having pain like that! I'm so glad you figured it out and that things are going better!

[love]

Too much sleep can make a kid exhausted as well. I would maybe try to wake him and see how he is. DS was "exhausted" and still took a 3-4 hour nap. We know wake him at 2 hours and it is so much better.
Hopefully he is doing better now!