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Post by jrose on Nov 3, 2011 20:07:59 GMT -6
I'm not sure if any of you remember a post I made on MLM a long while ago about me being sexually abused as a child and if I should tell my kids about it ever.....I haven't told them about it and don't plan on it anytime soon...Anyway the girls had their wellness checks and this go around we have a male doctor, he is wonderful with the girls and the girls seem to like him as do DH & I. The time came where he needed to do a quick check of the private parts, I was NEVER uncomfortable when we had our female ped do it but DH saw me tense up and hold back my tears when the male doc did it. I was extremely uncomfortable and realized that I REALLY need to explain whats right and wrong with my girls soon, I know I should have done it sooner but its not an easy thing for me to talk about. So with that in mind does anyone know of any books out there that can help me?? Thanks!
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Post by sharon on Nov 3, 2011 20:15:16 GMT -6
Jennifer, I am so very sorry that you were abused as a child. That is horrible and you should never have had to deal with that. I see those two little miracles smiling with you in your picture and am so grateful for your present.
Are you looking for a book for you? Or a book to read your girls about safe touch?
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Post by jrose on Nov 3, 2011 20:18:08 GMT -6
Thank you Sharon. I'm looking for a book I can read to the girls. DD1 seems to take information from books a lot better than DH & I explaining things to her. She is more than likely to listen when being read to.
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Post by sharon on Nov 5, 2011 9:01:36 GMT -6
Sorry it took me so long to answer. I had trouble finding the book I was thinking of and had to wait until the weekend to have time to dig further. It's called Amazing You: Getting Smart About Your Private Parts by Dr. Gail Saltz. But I'm not sure it's what you are looking for it. It's a basic book about body parts and genitals and what they do, at a preschool level. But it does not cover good touch, bad touch, which it sounds like is more what you are looking for.
I find with any of these "body books" (as we call them) that the text is never EXACTLY what I want and that I always edit a bit as a read. For instance, the book I mention above has a section that says "When a man and a woman love each other and decide that they want to have a baby..." and we try to use language that is always true, or at least say "sometimes" if it's a situation that is only sometimes. I just don't like presenting something as universal or fact if it isn't.
But I digress.
My point is that if you don't find a book that SAYS exactly what you want to say, you can always use the pictures and add text such as:
"The parts of your body that a bathing suit covers are your private parts. These are special parts of your body that are not for everyone to see or touch. You can touch them yourself because they belong to you, although you should do so in private. A trusted grown up who takes care of you might help you clean your private parts, like when you take your bath. A doctor may touch and look at your private parts to make sure they are healthy and well. But when it's not to help you stay clean and healthy, no one should touch your private parts. If anyone ever does, or tries to, touch your private parts in a way that makes you feel confused. If that ever happens you should tell a trusted grown up right away so they can help. Your body belongs to you and it's important to take care of it."
That was just off the top of my head - but you get the idea.
I think just using the proper names for body parts is important too. If your child is hears you referring her her vulva as you do any other body part, then she will know she can talk about them. If it's something she doesn't have a name for, or doesn't feel like she should name, then that can be an obstacle.
I remember hearing a story from a counselor who had worked with a family in which the preschool girl had been sexually abused. She had tried to tell her daycare provider about it on several occasions, but because she did not know the name for her genitals and called them by a nickname the provider had no understanding of the important information the girl was giving her.
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Post by sharon on Nov 23, 2011 17:17:15 GMT -6
Jennifer, I think I may have found what you are looking for. I came across this at the library and thought of you: Your Body Belongs To You by Cornelia Spelman
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Post by jrose on Nov 23, 2011 20:29:33 GMT -6
Thank you so much for your help Sharon! These look like they will help a ton! I tried explaining during bath time one night and both were more interested in splashing....I just think books are a great way to help them learn about things and keep them more focused.
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Post by sharon on Nov 23, 2011 21:27:32 GMT -6
I thought this one was quite good. It's brief too - if you want I'll type in exactly what it says. It wouldn't take me long.
I read it to my son tonight and the only thing I found I needed to edit/explain was it said something about never letting anyone but a doctor touch your privates and I felt I had to add that they meant never while you are a kid and that it's different when you are an adult.
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