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Post by vq2011 on Nov 14, 2011 18:56:26 GMT -6
Hi ladies. Long story, here goes. I have no relationship with my father. This is my decision. After a LONG hard childhood, with him not being around much. He has been a drug addict my entire life. I am doing what I can to protect my daughter from a man who pretty much made my life hell. I always dreamed of having a great father, one who I did everything with, and could tell anything to. I had VERY far from that!! I have posted about this before on MLM. Anyway, I found out today that he had a stroke. I have not spoken to him in almost 2 years. He is not the influence I want around DD. I am sad that he had a stroke, I know that he is sick. (he's HIV +, so he says) I am mostly sad for my brother, the only one that still has any contact with him. He has never been able to accept that we ( myself, and 2 siblings) don't want a relationship with our father. But my brother is also the youngest, and remembers the least. What do I do? I'm confused! I know I can let my brother know that I will listen to him, if there is anything he needs to get off his chest. But I can't forgive my father for all he has done. Am I heartless? I don't know. I look at it as protecting myself, and my family. (he HATES DH!)
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Post by irish on Nov 14, 2011 19:49:51 GMT -6
If you feel in your heart that you are doing the right thing by cutting contact, then you are. Being there for your brother when he needs you is great, and will be a huge support system for him. Hang in there sweetie!
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Post by laurac on Nov 14, 2011 19:56:35 GMT -6
You're an adult. If you don't want a relationship with him then def don't have one. You have your reasons and your brother has his reasons for wanting one. Neither of you is 'right'. Be there for him. You're a good person.
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Post by sarahisis on Nov 15, 2011 10:48:40 GMT -6
I can't say what Id do exactly in your situation... I really can't, but I do know that blood is blood and even if you can't forgive and certainly will never forget.. but reaching out from a distance would be somthing I would do.. a card, maybe a small bouquet of flowers just to say you are sorry that he is in pain... and I'd def reach out to your brother, he'll need his siblings. My husband doesn't have contact with his biological father and I don't get in the way of it, but we know where he is and if something terrible happened to him I know my husband would feel awful. How would you feel if your biological father died, I have asked him and would you have any regrets? I think that if I were in your shoes I'd want to have some kind of relationship with my father.. maybe not my kids, but just me despite the childhood I had....
Hang in there! When it comes down to it you have to do what is best for you.
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Post by nevaehsmom327 on Nov 15, 2011 11:24:00 GMT -6
What LC said. You are a good person, you have a big heart, but it's not easy to forgive when someone has done nothing but hurt you. Just a side note, it may not be today, tomorrow or anytime soon, but honestly the best thing you can do for yourself IS forgive, before you don't have the chance to anymore.
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