Teaching about talking back

[lissa]

DS is 3. He is literally just learning...this past week...about talking back. I don't think he understands it's talking back. I will ask,"DS please come here." he replies, "No, I'm gonna just go downstairs." Then I get into the "NO, I asked you to come here..."

How do you explain talking back to a 3 year old?

When it gets bad I totally take a time out with him and slow way down explaining everything step-by-step. I'm so sick of repeating myself over and over and over. And hearing, "In a minute." or "no"

[sharon]

I don't think it can be considered talking back if he doesn't get that he is being disrespectful.

I saw Mary Sheedy Kurcinka speak recently and she is so brilliant and said so many wise things. One of them, though, was this (I'm paraphrasing, because I didn't write it down word for word):

A toddlers job is to learn, "You tell me something. I don't listen. You come follow through." That is how kids learn to listen. With a 2 year old you say, "stay by me" and they run away. So you go get them and say, "You didn't stay by me, so I'm going to hold your hand now." Then, they learn that when you say something, they do it. If a child gets past toddlerhood and hasn't learned that yet, it's not too late, and they need to learn it. So, respectfully, you treat them like a toddler.

So, I would say if you say come here and he doesn't, he hasn't learned that yet. And follow through by going to get him. That is how he will learn. If you keep repeating what you want, then he learns that you will do that, and he doesn't need to listen. That's my 2 cents.

[deannemdm]

I think it is fairly normal at that age as kids are beginning to assert their independence and realizing that they are separate from their parents and not just an extension of them. I know this doesn't help solve the "problem" but it makes it easier on you to reframe the situation.
My DS is just over 2.5 and we are starting to see the same things (my DD is 10 but I don't remember with her). Most of the time I can repeat myself a second time and he will say "oh tay mommy" and comply, but sometimes I have had to go get him and carry him to do the things-- like pick him up, carry him to the thing he threw on the ground, have him pick it up and walk him to trash can to throw it. In parking lots, he has been told he needs to hold hands with parent or he gets picked up and you give him choices and follow through. That's what I have found works for him. Of course he is younger than your son, but hope this is helpful.

[vq2011]

Ah. DD says the same thing. my response? "I asked you to (whatever) talking back is unacceptable." There is a lot of "I'm the mom, and I said so!"

[fungirls]

I think it's normal too. DH's pet peeve is when the kids say "no" to us. We will repeat our request until they follow through with it. Or if they say "no," we say, "Try again." and usually then they get that they need to do what we asked.