DD over-cries/ screams over littlest things!

[ReneeW]

I need advice on how to get my DD who is 4 to stop crying and screaming and wailing over the TINIEST things. It is driving me NUTS.

This morning the kids got in the car while I was loading up all of our stuff for the day. I ran inside to quick grab something and I heard her scream bloody murder -- I seriously thought that a) someone was trying to abduct my kids, b) a criminal with a knife and was stabbing them, c) one of them was pinned under the car etc. Seriously the loudest howl I have ever heard. I RACED out of the house freaking out, my heart was pounding, I was totally panicked. And, you might ask, why was she screaming at the top of her lungs? Because ... she couldn't get her car seat buckled. Yep. That was it. She was frustrated. Grrrrrr ...

I explained to her that she can NOT do that, it was a completely inappropriate response and that she had scared the daylights out of me. I said that if she's frustrated she needs to use her words and say, "I'm frustrated," "I need some help," "This is making me angry," etc. but to NOT give me a heart attack.

My question for you is ... how do I get her to STOP this overreacting? (It is a common occurrence, although this morning's situations was the worst.) I told the kids the story of "The Boy who Cried Wolf" but I think they didn't "get" it. Then I told my DD that 1) she MUST use her words, 2) she is completely allowed to scream if there is a lot of blood or if someone is trying to grab her but 3) the next time she screams like that over a minor frustration I am going to take her aside somewhere and make her listen to me scream like she did -- I want her to hear and understand how over the top her wailing is, how it makes me feel [stressed, upset, scared] and how she needs to NOT do that!!!

Any other ideas? Other consequences that would be more appropriate than having me scream my head off so she hears what it sounds like? I can't decide if that's a great idea or a terrible idea. Hah!

Thanks for the input!

[jrose]

My 4 yr old DD screams over the tiniest things too. Asked the doctor and he said its NORMAL! We were doing time outs but he said to put her in a safe spot (in this case her bed room) and let her calm down in there....she comes out when she's ready. She's allowed to do whatever in her room just as long as she calms down. We also have the glitter calm down jar I saw on pinterest, she shakes it when she's mad and watches the glitter fall to the bottom of the jar...it seems to help a bit! Even if we feel like we're repeating ourselves we'll talk to her about it. She seems to understand for the most part and has gotten better about her screaming.

[lilmermaid]

I could've written this post too!
My DD2 who is also 4 just started doing this the last month or so. Drives me bonkers!
I have used Santa is watching, your not acting like a 4 yr old, you can't go to preschool if you act like that and that's what babies do. I have also told her to use her words but I think I need to sit her down and have the conversation about how to use words instead of crying or screaming.
I also like the idea of role playing it.......seeing her reaction if I scream and cry when something doesn't work how I want it too. Then discussing it with her. DH does this all the time with my DDs and they seem to get it better!
Good Luck

[angel22]

When we are home and my girls do that (seems to be the ONLY place they act like that!) I pick them up and stick them in their beds. I tell them that they need to calm down and that screaming, whining, crying (whichever they're doing) is NOT an acceptable behavior. I tell them that when they calm down they can come back out and we will try again. When they come out I ask them if they know WHY they were sent to their beds and then we talk about what is an acceptable reaction to their frustration. Yes, in writing it seems all touchy feely but in action it is stern and direct. I am letting them know that their bad behavior won't be tolerated and I'm giving them a chance to fix it themselves. =)

[elizac]

My first thought was she feels stressed.

[apryllraye87]

I'm with you as well.. my DS is 4.5 and he will SCREAM over the tiniest things.. We've actually had the same situation (with the car seat buckle). If it's not that he will throw himself on the floor and yell about not being able to zip his jacket, if he's building a tower and it falls over, etc.

[brandi6685]

It must be the age cuz ds who is also 4 has been doing this too. Freaking out and screaming and crying if he can't get his shoes on if his sister sits next to him if she looks at him from across the room if I tell him no if his juice spills it's driving me nuts!! The only thing that's helps for a little while is going to his room. He has also been napping again and eating way more than usual I think he is going through a growth spurt and it's making him extra crabby and sensitive

[ladyandrearose]

Man, it must be a 4 year old thing! My DD does it too, especially over the seat belt buckle. (It's tooooo dark, I can't seeeeee it!) I just try to put her in a different room until she calms down which works reasonably well. I also will refuse to do what she wants me to (unless she asks for help politely). She will usually do it on her own or ask. (Although, I usually get told, "I don't like you right now." LOL

[gwensmama9206]

My DD (5) does this too. Suuuuch a drama queen lol We're working with her on using her words and CALMLY explaining her frustrations instead of just freaking out. It got worse when DSD started coming over every other weekend. She's always been an only child. Having her own room, her own stuff, having all the attention to herself and now she has to share everything. It's been hard for her to get used to. She's getting a lot better but it's still a work in progress.

[ReneeW]

Wow Ladies, thank you for the great feedback and support! I was thinking that age 4 was too old for this (it seemed more "terrible two-ish") so it's great to hear that I'm not alone. It's like she wants to be sooooo big and when she can't do something she just completely loses it.

I really appreciate the support and the understanding!