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Post by love on Feb 9, 2012 11:45:07 GMT -6
Right now we have hit an awkward patch. DS is involved in a few school settings and that is great but every day he has his feelings hurt. They are all toddler soo I don't think they are being mean but today he was grabbing his painting he painted and a kid thought it was his and grabbed it and ripped it. DS was so sad he had tears in his eyes. I explained he thought it was his and the teacher went to tape it up. Luckily DS was okay with that. But earlier he was in line for the sink (2nd) and then 4 kids went in front of him, he just stepped back. No other parents were there and I tried explaining to the other kids DS was next but they just went ahead and budded. Then DS was upset so I went to talk to him on his level and a mom came and was looking at me like I was the bad guy while I was explaining to DS, I know you were first but they didnt see you etc... And in the gym all the kids were wanting to build a tower with blocks and DS was "helping" a kid screamed and said no to ds, fine I told ds we would build our own over here so we do not upset anyone, a mom glared at me like I was being rude. I wasn't, I was concerned about my chilld I know they are all just being toddlers. FIRST IM TIRED OF BEING THE B****, SO SICK OF IT. UGH! I was trying to console my son and Im the bad guy? SECOND- Im sick of him being walked over. They dont do it on purpose I dont think so how can I explain it to him and I also want him to stand up for himself without being aggressive. Anyone have any tips?
This is the first really rough patch I have run into and it is making me upset. DS loooooves his friends so I would hate for him to start feeling bad towards them.
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Post by mommylinz on Feb 9, 2012 12:38:28 GMT -6
I don't have tips, but I would say you are not the bad guy. It sounds to me like your DS is more ahead of the others when it comes to understanding manners. Good job love in teaching him correctly.
We have worked with my DD on the meaning of an accident and a misunderstanding. Might be good to explain an accident and then refer to all misunderstandings as an accident.
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Post by deannemdm on Feb 9, 2012 13:04:15 GMT -6
As for assertiveness, maybe role play and practice nicely at home?
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Post by apryllraye87 on Feb 9, 2012 13:13:31 GMT -6
I definitely wouldn't consider you the bad guy. If other children are doing things that hurt DS' feelings (even if it's not on purpose) I will either nicely say "we don't play like that" or I will remove DS from the situation. He is very sensitive so he get's his feelings hurt pretty easily.
I like the role play idea. You could make up certain situations and help him practice how to respond in those instances.
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Post by sharon on Feb 9, 2012 13:21:28 GMT -6
Everyone is doing what they are supposed to do. They are kids, acting like kids, and you are a mom helping your child learn about conflict.
I think acknowledging his feelings the way you do is great. Eventually he can learn to say "I feel frustrated." or "I feel angry" but if he doesn't have the words yet, then you can label what his tears mean for him as best you can.
You are interpreting the world around for him, helping him to see that sometimes "help" with blocks isn't welcome (but it's fine to try or ask), and that sometimes people make mistakes (and your picture might get ripped by mistake, and that's sad), and sometimes kids might take your turn, or try to (and you can say, "My turn." and go ahead to the sink).
I think the lesson is not about controlling what others do, since you can never do that, but it's about giving him the tools to react to it in the way you see as appropriate and helpful.
Sounds to me like that's what you are doing.
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Post by jess7882 on Feb 9, 2012 21:55:48 GMT -6
You are doing the right thing...you are teaching him how to resolve conflicts. I see it happen time and time again where a parent is told to let a child pick their own battles, and choose aggression over trying to work with the other. You are not the bad guy...the other parents who don't care enough are the bad guys. Your a great mom, and DS is a great kid. It shows you are doing a good job if he is sensitive to what is going on around him.
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Post by ReneeW on Feb 9, 2012 22:12:22 GMT -6
I would echo all of the above ... sounds like you're doing a great job with that balance of -- validating feelings, explaining to him, staying calm with the other kids. So - good for you! And ignore any looks you get from other moms and let them just slide off like Teflon. It is hard, isn't it -- teaching your child to "be nice" but not be a door mat. I have that issue with my oldest for sure. It's such a tricky nuanced thing ... teaching them to be confident but not aggressive, nice but not wimpy ... thankfully we have lots and lots of opportunities to teach our kids!
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Post by elizac on Feb 10, 2012 7:46:14 GMT -6
I taught my DD (age 3) to say "Please stop", "Please wait", etc.. using a strong voice so she alerts adults who are supervising the play area when something 'mean' happens. Adults seem to respond pretty well when it comes from the child not from the mom, I noticed. And when she gets hurt, she learnt to say "that was not nice -- please say sorry, etc" -- so that kind of helps her too, I think. Also, I think we can never be sure what other people really think of us by how they appear on the outside. I would not react to such matters. Imagine yourself as a good mom, not a B and I think you will feel better.
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Post by bumblebee23 on Feb 10, 2012 9:15:23 GMT -6
I don't think you are being the bad guy at all I think the other parents there need to do a better job of teaching their children to wait their turns and to allow everyone to play. I think you are doing a great job of explaining things to him. I would probably keep my mouth shut too although I would definately consider telling those other children they had to wait their turn or that they have to play together and share the toys. LOL Your doing good love keep up the good work!
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Post by sharon on Feb 13, 2012 6:10:58 GMT -6
I don't think there is anything wrong with calmly, politely making sure he gets his turn. If he is waiting in a line, but then hesitating and other kids are going around him, it's perfectly acceptable to say "Oops, it's my little boys turn" and help him move forward to wash hands. Then you are also modeling for him how to move forward in a line, how to take a turn, how to claim your turn when someone moves in front of you and how to do it all in a polite way.
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