suddenly not listening and very crabby

[dara1012]

DS is almost 4 and in the past week has turned from a generally very well behaved child to a defiant, crabby child with his father and I. Just now DH asked him to get his boots and coat off after daycare while DH ran to get mail. DH came back inside and DS was still sitting on the steps and he asked him again to get his stuff off and come upstairs, he gave him choices, counted to 3, etc. 20 min of crying later DS has lost his fun activity for the evening and life is miserable.

He was like this all last weekend, pushing our buttons, being defiant, crying if we said "no" etc. He never acts this way and I want it to stop.

We are wondering if he is going through a growth spurt? He isn't napping as much as daycare as he used to, but not sure how to fix that.

Any suggestions to have him listen and make positive choices?

[ReneeW]

I swear my kiddo did the SAME thing. Around that age (older three) turned into a little monster!!! AURGH. So ... hang in there, you are NOT alone!!!

It seems to me like kids go through stages where they just push limits. It's as if their little brains are thinking, "Hmmm ... I know I'm not supposed to do X, but let me just check. Just in case. How about Y, can I do that? Nope? Hmm, how about X and P and R and Z??" and they push all of your buttons.

So my advice is to just stay consistent, reward good behavior as much as possible, and try to stay sane until this "pushing limits" stage passes. I can't remember how long my DD lasted, just being a little stinker ... but it did pass and she went back to normal.

GOOD LUCK!!! Take deep breaths and remind yourself that it's temporary.

[healerarina]

DD1 is doing very similar thing. She has been outright refusing to listen, even at preschool. She can't even do the simplest things without being reminded or throwing a fit. Washing hands and simply eating food has become a production. Instead of saying no all the time, she started just saying 'why' and when we give her an explanation, we get 'why' again and again.

She has recently been pulling one worse lately. If we take away a fun activity that she really wanted to do, she starts acting worse yet. It is like somewhere in her brain she just isn't making the connection. I have rewarded good behaviors, but she just doesn't get it. Frankly, I am getting tired of telling her that she needs to wash her hands with soap after she uses the bathroom because there are germs on them and that germs make you sick, and that I don't want her, her sister, her dad or myself to get sick from the germs. And yes, we need to go to at least that level of detail or more on everything, I swear. (Insert screaming here). I seriously need a vacation from this.

Sorry for the rant. I am just beyond frustrated with her. My appt with the school district special ed psychologist can't come soon enough.

[ReneeW]

Aurgh ... hang in there, both of you!! Yikes. It's funny how parenting can be completely heart-warming, rewarding, and the BEST thing ever -- and also be the most pull-out-my-hair, want-to-run-around-screaming-in-frustration, how-did-I-make-it-to-adulthood? experience. (HUGS) and more (HUGS)

[dara1012]

Thanks for the support and commiseration!

[elizac]

Dara, what would happen if you just let him be with his gloves, coat, etc.. I think he probably knows what to do anyways. I would try treating him like a very grown up person and see if anything changes.

[jrose]

DD1 acted like that right before turning 4. Saying no to everything or that she couldn't do it & throwing fits over the tiniest things...I think its just one of those stupid phases we have to go through! She doesn't do it much anymore but that phase was very frustrating! Hope things calm down soon for you!

[gwensmama9206]

I went through the same stuff with DD. The terrible twos were NOTHING compared to the terrible FOURS! Oh man was she a little pain! She's 5 1/2 now and is MUCH better. It's just a phase we have to go through. Hang in there hun!!

[dara1012]

Feb 17, 2012 8:11:49 GMT -6 elizac said:

Dara, what would happen if you just let him be with his gloves, coat, etc.. I think he probably knows what to do anyways. I would try treating him like a very grown up person and see if anything changes.

we try to treat him like a grown up person when possible and don't prompt until its necessary. The only reason DH had to ask him to get moving was because he wasn't doing anything but sit on the landing and he needed to get upstairs for dinner so we could go to swimming lessons (which he loves). He is great about going to the bathroom, washing hands, getting dressed with very little prompting. Its when there is a timeframe that isn't his, that he mostly gets crabby. Or really any "agenda" that isn't his. The reality is he lives in a family and sometimes we have do things for me or his dad or people in our extended family. It's when he is asked to do something he doesn't want to do that he stops listening and gets crabby.

[momof3anddog]

My daughter went through this around the same time at about 4; Started to age out of a nap on a lot of levels but not totally; Body still needs it, but not as easy for them to go to sleep or stay asleep as more easily affected by noise of others; I think they don't always need the length of nap they used to on some days, but other days they do depending on what's going on in their little lives (eg. changes in routine) and how they are feeling - like if they are at all a little sick, or going through growth spurt, getting a new tooth, how physical they are for the day or day before, etc; Combine that with an inability to tell or sense time (some times 5 minutes is an a lifetime to them if they want something right now or are waiting for a parent to come home; sometimes a hour is 2 seconds - like if they are interested in something, or overly tired and can't get going). These two things tend to be a train wreck coming when you are trying to get out the door. I found that once my daughter didn't need naps as much, and could sense/understand/tell time better and realize the consequences of what happens when you don't get going (like swimming lessons is half over, missed, rushed, etc) -- it wasn't s-o-o-o difficult. But again she's still not good at time with only being 6; But it is better. However, now that she is totally out of taking naps, she absolutely needs to be to bed at set time and up at a set time, or it all goes out the window and she acts exactly how you are describing now for your 4 year old. Sleep disruptions or changes in sleep patterns for whatever reasons totally lead to meltdowns for all 3 of my kids at any age. I hope what I wrote is understandable. Lack of sleep for me (which we have right now with 2 sick kiddos) is making my ability to be clear a little off. Just my two cents of what I found with my family of 6, 2 & 2. Could be something else entirely. Maybe parents of kids way older than mine could comment from their vast wisdom of more experience with kids through ages?