Frequent yelling toward a toddler by a neighbor

[cakemakermom]

It seems that when I go out to do my laundry, I most often hear this one neighbor yelling at her young daughter. Today she seems to be over the edge. I'm not sure what to do for her without either offending her or reporting her. The toddler (from what I'm hearing through the door and not actually having met these people myself) seems to be pushing mommy's buttons to make her yell and scream more, although the toddler seems to be crying in fear.

Googling got me nowhere and I don't see links to any good intervention sites on babycenter. I only have the information about this woman from the screams I hear through her door. I think I may have seen her once bringing groceries into the apartment, so I put her at a young 20 something age. I'd like to help so there is not so much chaos, but I don't want to go knock on her door and look stupid, I mean what can I say? "Excuse me, but I've heard you yelling and I want to make sure you're ok?"

What would you do in this situation? Do you have good links to mom learning sites so I could print out something and maybe leave a nice gift at her door? I'd hate to leave a young mother in a situation like that until she does something she'll regret for the rest of her life.

I've seen on the news what undiagnosed postpartum will do.

[ReneeW]

Oh this is a tough one. I actually like your idea of just knocking and saying, "I don't mean to intrude but I heard yelling and want to be a good neighbor and see if you're OK." Then, depending on what happens, you could also say something to the effect of, "Parenting is the hardest job, it's so hard when your kid is pushing your buttons" etc. and, again depending on how it goes, say something about "If you ever need advice, or if you need a 30-minute break or what not here's my phone number/I'm right across the hall," etc. And then if you do see that something that's a red flag, call social services.

[AuntSueto4]

Hi merrr,

Kudos, Good of you to want to help this young Mom. I think your idea of a nice gift, printouts is good. Share with her she can talk to you, if you want to offer that, or invite her to MoM's here, if she wants to ask any questions/get tips on how to get the help she needs. ECEF (not sure if correct letters) the Early Childhood Education classes in your area.

Discipline without screaming, an article from Parents magazine

www.parents.com/kids/discipline/strategies/discipline-without-screaming/


Is Yelling the New Spanking? Why Not to Yell, and What to Do Instead.

parentingsquad.com/is-yelling-the-new-spanking-why-not-to-yell-and-what-to-do-instead


Ten Worst Discipline Mistakes Parents Make… and Alternatives

Ten Worst Discipline Mistakes Parents Make… and Alternatives

Hope this will help and not overwhelm her.


P.S. I just read what ReneeW posted while I was typing. I do like her idea of knocking on her door. Quick way to see what's going on, and then decide further action(s).

merr, Sounds like you think "Today she seems to be over the edge" so probably may need immediate checking out, and may help to prevent something worse from happening.

[AuntSueto4]

Applying The Wakanheza Project© Principles in Public Places

Wakanheza is the Dakota word for child. The English translation is sacred being.

Have you ever been in a public place and not known what to do when you witnessed a parent’s frustration beginning to escalate with their child, or felt uncomfortable because of the presence of teens? Here are simple steps that you can take in the moment to make a difference in the lives of those around us:

Step 1: Assess Yourself | Quickly assess your mood, and also ask yourself whether you are able to put aside your judgments and fears about perceived differences between yourself and the people you have encountered. Look for a simple, helpful thing you can do to improve and deescalate the situation.

Step 2: Assess the Situation | Recognize that the agitation and behavior you are seeing may well be a result of the parent or young person feeling isolated and powerless in that moment. Think about if there might be a simple, empathetic thing you could do or say in that moment to make the environment and situation more comfortable and positive for everyone – actions as simple as:
• a smile,
• a nod,
• offering to hold a door, or
• helping parents with small children bag groceries

Step 3: Act in The Moment | Once you have assessed yourself and the
situation, remember that your goal is to do something in that moment that can help diffuse and improve the situation at hand. You are not there to figure out what led to what you are seeing, nor to worry about what will happen later: what you can do, in that moment, is offer genuine intentional empathy and help.

www.co.ramsey.mn.us/NR/rdonlyres/12F0FEB1-01B0-4709-9CBF-5AD85DF4F955/26170/wakanheza_applying_TWP_in_public_places_81011.pdf



I have used these principles/suggestions/ideas when out in public such as the city bus, Walmart, grocery store, etc. and it has really helped to calm the situations down, and stop child's tears, Mom appears to appreciate that I helped child's tears to stop. I usually carry a smaller than beanie baby sized teddy bear and say something to Mom the essence of "May Mr. Bear say Hi to child?" Mom agrees=A distracted & happier child after the encounter.