My family drives me CRAZY!

[apryllraye87]

WARNING: Vent ahead!

The older I get the more I realize I am NOTHING like my family. And they drive me insane.. UGH!! My mom and I had always been close.. same with my brother and I. However, once I had DS I realized how different we all are and we started to fight A LOT. My mom got re-married when I was 23 (divorced my dad when I was 20) and her new husband is bi-polar.

I understand that it is a mental illness and he can't control it, but I can't handle it anymore. He has gone into mania once a year since they first started dating (5 years ago) and he acts and does things that are ridiculous. I've forgiven him a lot of times for things he's said when he's been in mania but I'm done! After the last time I'm never forgiving him again and I told my mom if she doesn't leave him that's her problem but it won't be my problem and I don't want him around my house or around my son.

She says she's going to divorce him, then she says she wants to make her marriage work, then she says she's divorcing him... she's so co-dependent and I know she won't really leave him. She went back and forth with my dad for 20 years before finally leaving him and that wasn't until she met her current husband.

My brother is really dependent on my mom and doesn't always make the best choices. My moms husband complains about him living there ALL the time and finally my mom kicked him out KNOWING that he wouldn't have anywhere to go except to my house. So he's been staying at my house, which I don't really have a problem with because he's clean and straightens up the house and helps get DS off the bus when he isn't working. BUT he's got issues that I don't want to deal with too.

I know I'm probably being selfish but I have so much going on in my own life right now I just want to cut all of them out completely and live my OWN life with just DS and me and none of their drama. Both of them play the victim A LOT. They always complain about their lives and what is happening.. My mom talks about how her marriage is failing and all of this stuff. Uhh hello! I just went through a huge break up too! I'm not falling apart and acting like that and I have a 5 year old to take care of!

Okay... vent over. Thanks ladies

[merrr]

Well, I was going to say that I think your patience for the same old BS is probably wearing thin because you are chosing to be a survivor and not a victim - but you said it yourself, more or less

On a side note, if he goes into a manic episode once a year it means his meds aren't working or he's not taking them properly. Out of your control but maybe knowing the cause of it will help.

Kudos to you! Stand up for yourself and your son and tell the people who try to bring you down to bug off.

[healerarina]

Sorry your family is irritating. I have a family like that too. My parents treated me like an 8 yr old they were fighting over when they got divorced, I was in my mid 20's and had DD. My step-mil is just plain crazy, and wants everyone to treat her like a queen.

Sometimes families suck, and i wish you well in dealing with yours. Sometimes you jeered to step away so that both sides can sort things out.

[bumblebee23]

You can't control your mother or her life.....I have learned that lesson the hard way many many times. I agree with Merr if her husband is having manic episodes once a year he probably isn't taking his meds properly. Does he see a pschologist?

Don't know what your brothers issues are but we have had friends and family stay with us and we let them know that it is TEMPORARY. Tell him you can stay with me but you have to be looking for a job and saving money for your own apartment. I'm sorry but there is no reason a grown man can't get a place on his own.

Also I have had to start telling certain family in friends.....if you don't like something about your life quite bitching about it and do something! I have had to work my arse off to have everything I have. People can't just expect that everything is going to be handed to them, they need to work just as hard to have the life they want. It doesn't always turn out they way you hoped but at least you tried.

[apryllraye87]

I think the main problem is my mom tries to force me to keep forgiving her husband and I don't want to him. I don't want him around, I don't want to be around him. Yes, he does a lot of good things when he is stable but I don't think that excuses the things he does when he's in mania. I'm sick of her trying to make me feel guilty for not wanting him around.

And then she says things about my brother but yet she forgives her husband over and over, which also makes me mad. My brother is far from perfect, but it irritates me that she'll forgive her husband but not my brother.

Also, she knows I already have enough on my plate yet she kicks my brother out knowing he'll have to come to my house and add to my stress. Then when she's mad she says all these things about my ex, which most of them are true, but what does that have to do with anything!? Clearly I left him.. and clearly she isn't leaving her husband so she doesn't have a leg to stand on.

[bumblebee23]

And if he is constantly going off his meds and hurting people around him you don't have to forgive him. My mom was constantly going off her meds and it was years of ME having to call the police to have them take her in a commit her just to have her get out and start over again. I can't fully blaim her because she does have a mental illness that is not her fault and she was having trouble dealing with that fact. However, I had to young boys to think about and constantly seeing her go through that was to much and I couldn't deal so I distanced myself from her for a very long time. I had to do what was best for me and my family at the time. Now I am happy to say she is doing 100 times better....but if I ever feel there is a problem I have to stop the boys from seeing her and I don't talk to her for awhile.

As for your mom it sounds like she likes to complain about everyone else because she is in denial and doesn't want to take responbility for her or her husbands own actions. In that case I don't know what to say.

[cakemakermom]

My mother has no relationship with her siblings for the reason of them blaming her for so much when she was the one taking care of everyone while they were growing up. Interesting family dynamic. Her father was a drunk and a bigot and grandma had a tumor pressing on her brain that no one knew about until 3 weeks before she died giving her no capacity to make a sane decision for much of her life.

Sometimes it's just better to get rid of the negative influences in your life, even if they are blood related.

May you come to peace with a decision for the sake of your and your immediate family (your kids).

[kristin8888]

Oh my gosh, I can relate to this post so much!! I've pretty much cut off drama from both my parents. Mom is a drinker, like drinking all the time and has never really been involved in my DDs life. My dad got remarried a couple years ago, he's a dry drunk and was having major issues with his new wife. Every time he would come over to see DD, he would start ranting and raving about everything his wife does wrong. I finally said stop!! I flat out told him i didn't want anything to do with his drama. I have more than enough going on in my own life and shouldn't have to fix yours!!

Sorry this turned into a rant, just wanted to show you that you're not the only one feeling this way!! I've even cut a couple friends out of my life because they just cause too much drama for me!!

Hang in there and if it gets to be too much for you, just tell them the truth about how you feel!!

[ReneeW]

Ugh, hang in there Apryl! I think it's good that you're aware that no, you don't have to deal with their drama and BS and yes, you can set boundaries and stick to them and no, that doesn't make you a bad person. It means that you're rightfully prioritizing your own life and being healthy and strong for YOU. So stay tough and cut out contact when necessary. You don't need all of that extra negativity in your life when you're trying to get through a tough time. Hang in there!!!