Stolen Xmas Gift.

[ariels1620]

I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I hate putting this out in Internet Land, But I dont know how to procede, what to say, what to do, or if I should just leave it (which is starting to eat at me because I have ignored it so far) One of my best friends spends every xmas with my family. It is always fun and a good time had by all. This Xmas was a bit different. She made a lot of snide remarks that were heard by almost everyone in my family about how my girls got too much. My sister was especially mad about the comments because the only time we buy much for the girls is birthdays and Xmas. I just ignored the comments because they didnt matter, she can think what she wants, I can parent how I want. Kind of an agree to disagree thing *she is not a parent* fast forward to later that evening. The girls both got American Girl dolls from my Mom along with beds for them. My Mom sews doll clothing so my girls were given free reign to pick out whatever they wanted with no limits! it was amazing, they were soooo excited/happy. Teddi picked out a whole ton of things and I bagged them up for her and brought them upstairs for her to play with. Same with josie who originally only picked out one outfit but went back for more LOL! The clothes were in the kitchen, Teddi moved them to the living room when it was time to eat. We ate dinner, then opened the rest of the gifts. We never saw the bag of clothing again. I had one bag of clothes in the car, i thought it was teddi's bag so I searched the whole house for Josie's bag. Couldnt find it so my Mom, dad, and sister said they would look and get it to me the next day. I got home realized we had Josie's but not teddi's so I called my Mom letting her know they were looking for a different bag. a month later and the bag still has not showed up. I called my friend that night (might have been the next morning, no biggie either way) I explained that we were missing this bag and if she had it. She said No she didnt have it, then immediately proceeded to talk about how irresponsible teddi was to have lost it. SERIOUSLY?? WTH. She never offered to look in her car or anything. I was frustrated but was so sure it had to show up at my Mom's house. It hasnt and so the only logical explanation that anyone can think of is that it did end up with my friend and for whatever reason she has decided not to own up to it return it. My hubs thinks she regifted them to other kids she knows or sold them. My sister thinks she prob still has them but that we will never see them again. my family is leary about having her to future holidays Easter is coming up! I dont know what to do. I need to talk to her about it, but I dont want to get into a huge fight. I just want the clothes back. Before I forget, I had a voicemail from a friend of hers prank calling me about Doll Clothes....pretty fishy, I was livid when I got it yesterday! I think she ended up with them on accident but decided it was her place to keep them and especially with the judgements made about the girls getting to much for Xmas. Which is not her call to make and they didnt get too much, we did Xmas on a tight budget and got good deals. We got her Diamond earrings so if anyone was spoiled it prob wasnt my midgets. Advice please?! I hate hate hate confrontation but if I dont say/do something soon im pretty sure my sister will for me and that would be bad LOL!

[sarahisis]

That's such a tough one because you don't know 100%. Though it does seem very fishy. If she's one of your best friends she should be willing to sit down and talk about it with you and own up to finding them if she's got them. I hope she wouldn't have taken them just spite the girls.. that is not bestfriend like... I don't have much for advice.. I hate confrontation too. All you can really do is voice your concerns again, tell her how important they are because your mom made them and how sad your daughter is... and if shes the friend you know her to be, then she'll either tell you she found them and was too embarassed to give them back or maybe it's the truth that she didn't take them and they got thrown out somehow.
either way.. good luck!!! <3

[ariels1620]

The garbage bags from that weekend were literally completely dumped out on the ground incase that was the case. No, i dont know that she did it. With my luck I will talk to her and they will show up at my mom's but literally the whole house has been turned upside down by all of of us on 4 diffferent occassions. Incase they were being overlooked. I dont think that many sets of eyes misses a BIG bag. It is def not something easily missed when looking. Teddi swears up and down that she did not hide it, I believe her because hiding things isnt what she does.

[onlyoneboy]

I don't have any advice for you. Just wanted to let you know that I had something like that happen to me in high school. My best friend stole my wallet out of my car. I had it hidden under the passanger seat and after she vacated the car it was gone. She always said she never did it but I didn't believe her. It never showed up and I never spoke to her again.

[ReneeW]

Hmmm this is a tough one. I think there are two issues here -- her criticism of your parenting, and the missing clothing. Also a factor is -- how much do you value her friendship? Have you been best friends for years and years? Is there anything else going on in her life that's negatively affecting her behavior (not as an excuse but to understand why this is going on)?

If this is becoming a pattern, you may have to slowly draw back from the friendship, and kind of move her from BFF to "acquaintance" status. If you want her to stay a BFF and can be honest with her, I think you could discuss how much her criticism offends you and is harming the friendship. You'd have to be very gentle in the discussion and the way you talk to her about it, but if you're BFFs you'll know her well enough to handle that.

The prank phone call is insulting, and I think you could also discuss that -- not cool.

The second issue, the doll clothes, is trickier. If you've already brought up the missing clothes and she hasn't been forthcoming, you may have to drop the subject completely. Accusing her again isn't going to get you anywhere, because she'll get even more mad, and that's not going to help anyone. I think it may have to remain one of those "You know that I know" situations. Apparently you can't trust her, which is sad. But I think you're going to have to let it go because unless she brings them back to you on her own, nothing you do or say at this point will change her mind.

[ariels1620]

Thank you Renee, your advice is really good. I do agree, I def need to talk to her about the parenting jabs. Especially when made on one of the most fun, special and magical days of the year. I think I may have to chalk the clothing up to an I know what you did but I am not going to say anything type thing. If I say something I dont know we would recover but she will more than likely be unable to participate in further family holidays, my sister is actually feels very strongly on that. The prank call is very insulting especially in light of me having missing clothes that she knows whether she took them or not that MY 5 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER is missing them. Not even me missing them it is is a child. Another one of my friends said that i could bring it up in conversation lightly asking if she ever had a chance to look through her car, even though she never offered and that could give her a chance to come clean with no reprecussions. I am DREADING Easter though, I will also be celebrating my birthday that day and I essentially am going to have to talk to her. Ugh it is such a catch 22 for me. I kind of want to go to my Mom's house and search it myself before talking to her, that way I know that everywhere has been looked, not that I doubt my family but it would give me added piece of mind to look myself......even though I already did, but maybe the second time for me is the charm?

[ariels1620]

LOL Sorry just read my response and I was all over the place with terrible punctutation!

[laurac]

Or if you talk to her just say, you know, I never did find those clothes. That is so weird!

IMO, she's a terrible BFF if she can't be respectful to you and your family. Does she just show up on Easter now, or do you have to contact her about it? Maybe if she contacts you you can tell her you're going to DH's side this year, or you are doing something different since it's Easter/your birthday.

[ariels1620]

She wouldnt just show up without talking to me, but she has spent Xmas and Easter with us for the past like 6 years so it is sort of a given. I cant tell her we are going to Dh's for Easter, they are in sodak and I could never get away with that LOL and I am not a good liar.
I think I want to wait until I see her in person, i am kind of thinking she will prob want to come up soon and then when she does we can go to coffee and I can talk to her and force her to still spend the night (she always spends the night with us when she comes up) and that woudl allow us an honest conversation without destroying the relationship. Maybe it is good for friends to clear the air. Maybe I am doing or not doing things that are equally aggravating to her? I have always said I think good friends sometimes need to have reunions like the real housewives do LOL maybe they are therepeutic.

[laurac]

It sounds like her friendship is important to you and you are very hurt by this whole thing. Then you should def talk to her. You can only control what you do and how you respond to things. And being open and honest is a good thing.

{hugs to you} sweetie!

[bumblebee23]

Wow from reading your post about her insulting your parenting, being rude during xmas, having the clothes come up missing, having her be so rude and not even offer to look for them, then you get a prank phone call.

Sorry hun but I think you already know that for whatever reason she took them and she is acting like a horrible friend. First of all she took something from a child and is acting like a snotty brat in my opinion. If I were your family I wouldn't let her back in my house again either. I know it isn't pleasant to get into fights with your friends or lose a friendship but it's sometimes necessary to do.

You need to talk to her...and you can do it without accusing her of anything but I would start with how rude her comments where at Christmas. I would also have this talk BEFORE the next holiday because you might not like the things she has to say. Good luck!