Time for a therapist?

[ilovemybooboo]

I'm just at a loss for words. I have too much on my plate at the moment. Mostly due to my parents. Dealing with a mom with depression and a dad who doesn't care (they still live together and are married 40+ years) who is now "hanging out" with a close family female friend a LOT lately. Plus I'm newly pregnant and super nauseous. I'm trying not to stress myself out over my parent's issues, but my sisters are constantly talking about it and spying on my dad just to prove he's having an affair. I ended up calling this lady and yelling at her, she denied everything. How do I separate myself from all of that and just relax and deal with my own families issues and my pregnancy? I'm thinking it's time to sit down and talk to a therapist just to get all this out without bringing the problems to my husband or close friends. But how do I get over this stuff and still be affectionate with my husband? It's all I can think of, so it does not make me want to kiss him at all, plus being nauseous doesn't help. I want to be selfish and forget about their problems but it sucks to know my mom is at home by herself and my dad is roaming around with this other lady. So frustrating. Any advice on how to forget family members problems so you can be a normal, functioning wife and mother?

[onlyoneboy]

I look at it as they made the bed they need to lie in it. There is nothing you can do to change anything so you need to stand up for yourself and tell your sisters to get lost and stop coming to you with their problems. You need to take care of you first.

Sorry if it sounds harsh but you need to take care of yourself. You can't change anyone else if they are not willing to change themselves.

[sweetpeamom25]

I agree with onlyoneboy. It can sound harsh, but you need to focus on yourself. I've went through similar things with my own family--two siblings, divorced parents, step-parents, etc. It's very hard to distance yourself from your own family, but once you do it, and you start feeling better, you realize it's what needs to be done. And at some point, the stress of the situation becomes less and less because of the distance, and then you'll find that some of those old problems you now have the patience/strength to deal with, because you've had some distance.

Being pregnant whether it's your first, second or third, etc. is a wondeful time for you and your SO, you should not let anyone take that time away from you. Enjoy it!

Good luck! I hope your nausea goes away soon!

[ReneeW]

I'm sorry to hear that you're dealing with this. But to a large degree, quite frankly there's not much you can do. This is their problem, their issues, and nothing you do or say can "fix" it, as much as you long to be able to fix it. It seems to me that you can be a steady and loving presence, and if your parents come to you for advice, you can have some resources ready (name and number of a good therapist etc.) but ... quite frankly, this is beyond anything anyone can do except for your parents, when they're ready to face it and take action. (HUGS.)

[deannemdm]

You only have control over your reactions and actions. Do what you need to be the best person to your family (DH and kids) if that means removing yourself from the situation, do it; if it means getting yourself a therapist to vent, do it. If you let this take up too much time or energy, it will sap you of what you have to give to yourself and those close to you.
Do you or DH have EAP benefit thru work-- you may be able to get short term therapist thru that at no cost

[dara1012]

I am always in favor of counseling. If you feel it would be beneficial to you to have someone to talk to and have access to counseling through insurance, it might help you to make sure you are taking care of yourself and your family.

Good luck.

[angel22]

What you are describing is way more common than you would probably like to think. The best thing that you can do FOR YOU is to just stop. Stop worrying about it. Stop thinking about it. Stop listening to stories about it. Just stop. If it comes up in conversation, shut it down. "I'm sorry, I'm really not going to have a conversation about this right now and I'd like to not have to think about it any more." Frankly, it isn't your problem so don't let it be one for you. If your parents are letting their marriage deteriorate you can't put it back together. If they want to move on with their lives without each other, so be it. If it makes them happy, let them. I'm not trying to be harsh, I seriously have been where you are now (heck, to an extent, I still am!) You can't let other people's problems and issues control your life. You need to make the decision to focus on YOU, not them. It's hard and it won't happen over night. You really have to stick to your guns about it and just not let it over take you. It CAN be done! TRUST ME!!!!!! (((HUGS))) to you!